One reason you keep going?

Grew up with a Mum who tried to kill herself mutliple times. The last time she tried it was me who found her. We got her to the hospital but the lithium overdose already did her plenty of harm.

It did kill her in the end, she got lewy body dementia, they said something about it being brought on by the toxicity of lithium... she died 2 years later, in a home, terrified, not knowing any of us.

Puts me off trying suicide.
 
Probably in this order:
1. Sometimes I can’t think why, but I just try to get to sleep (taking a sleeping pill usually in these cases) because really almost always I wake up and I’m relieved that I didn’t kill myself — because the immediate trigger has passed, and the SI has gone.
2. Because I knew if I killed myself they’d use ur as evidence that I was a (in their words) a “mentally ill liar” who therefore (by their logic) lied about the abuse.
3. Knowing it would ruin my younger sister’s life, and that of my parents, and that they would never recover.

This order doesn’t probably reflect very well on me. But the SI that comes on after a bad trigger is overpowering. And I can’t see the logical arguments easily.
 
Remembering that I have goals I want to accomplish still, not wanting to have my children go through life without me, fear of the unknown- the idea of what's to say death is better
 
Back
Top