- Thread starter
- #109
WonderWriter
Confident
June 30, 2021
When I said, “I want to shatter the cycle of abuse in my family,” I had no idea the amount of pain, stress and emotional flashbacks it would trigger.
Today, my daughter and I spent the day with my mom shopping. We all had a great time until… I was looking for my ID in my purse to show the cashier for some Non-Alcohol wine I was buying, when my mom said, “Come on, Christmas, then laughed. I immediately yelled, “Stop it, now!” And of course, she said, “It was a joke.” It wasn’t funny when I was a child, it isn’t funny now. I felt myself wanting to flee, but I drove and my daughter was with us. I knew if I didn’t calm down I’d lapse into an emotional flashback. Mom didn’t say a word all the way back to her house. When I got there, I sat on the porch so I could calm down. Lo and behold, she came outside just as I was starting to relax and angrily apologized saying it wasn’t meant as an insult (but it was an insult). Then, I tried explaining how as a child, it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, but she interrupted saying, “I’m sorry for being f-ing responsible for everything in your life. You blame me for everything.” Then, I asked her to stop because I was getting upset, and I told her to shut up (probably not the right thing), but she said, “No! I won’t shut up!” I had to walk away at that point because I started having a panic attack. It was the first time in years, I saw her mask come off. I embarrassed her at the store when I told her to stop, and she made sure I paid for it. I suddenly realized that my mom is truly narcissistic. The person I saw last night was the mother I grew up with - not allowing me to express my feelings because hers were always over something worse, or I just had to go along with whatever she wanted. When I finally move out of my house, I’m going off the grid so I can have a few days of chaos lees, abuseless peace.
When I said, “I want to shatter the cycle of abuse in my family,” I had no idea the amount of pain, stress and emotional flashbacks it would trigger.
Today, my daughter and I spent the day with my mom shopping. We all had a great time until… I was looking for my ID in my purse to show the cashier for some Non-Alcohol wine I was buying, when my mom said, “Come on, Christmas, then laughed. I immediately yelled, “Stop it, now!” And of course, she said, “It was a joke.” It wasn’t funny when I was a child, it isn’t funny now. I felt myself wanting to flee, but I drove and my daughter was with us. I knew if I didn’t calm down I’d lapse into an emotional flashback. Mom didn’t say a word all the way back to her house. When I got there, I sat on the porch so I could calm down. Lo and behold, she came outside just as I was starting to relax and angrily apologized saying it wasn’t meant as an insult (but it was an insult). Then, I tried explaining how as a child, it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, but she interrupted saying, “I’m sorry for being f-ing responsible for everything in your life. You blame me for everything.” Then, I asked her to stop because I was getting upset, and I told her to shut up (probably not the right thing), but she said, “No! I won’t shut up!” I had to walk away at that point because I started having a panic attack. It was the first time in years, I saw her mask come off. I embarrassed her at the store when I told her to stop, and she made sure I paid for it. I suddenly realized that my mom is truly narcissistic. The person I saw last night was the mother I grew up with - not allowing me to express my feelings because hers were always over something worse, or I just had to go along with whatever she wanted. When I finally move out of my house, I’m going off the grid so I can have a few days of chaos lees, abuseless peace.