Out on a limb and getting ready to fall.

[keystonegirl]

I've been pretty steady in my emotions surrounding my ptsd. I made it past the Christmas season and have recovered to the point of being able to somewhat enjoy my life and all the aspects that make it what it is. However, lately I've discovered that I seem to be taking on or making problems for myself that weren't there before. I have become irritated with people and with myself. This has caused me to become panicked with racing thoughts about how to remove the obstruction to have clearer thoughts. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, I now have ptsd attacks in the middle of the night that wake me up and cause me so much stress that once again my asthma is aggravated and gasping for air just makes the flashback even worse.

Why I continue to berate myself I wish I could figure out. I realize it must have something to do with my abuse I suffered earlier in my life. I recognize this is happening for a reason. I just wish I could figure out the reason it is happening now. I've decided to see if something has triggered me into these attacks. I really don't care to re-examine what happened to me when I was younger. That in and of itself may be the reason for this happening now. I don't think I've ever really dealt totally with my issues. I can see why I have panic attacks with whatever is triggering me. I guess it's time to take my head out of the sand and face it head on.

 

[Friday]

I don't think I've ever really dealt totally with my issues.

The traumas I’ve fully processed I can think about / talk about at my leisure. With zero effect now or later. Like talking about lunch, or traffic, or English literature, or whatever. There’s absolutely nothing hard about it.

The traumas I haven’t processed? Range from difficult to impossible to think/talk about (or the reverse on rare occasion, when I can’t stop thinking/talking/acting), and have massive and subtle effects on my life, day in and out, season by season.

^^^
So that’s my personal guide.

 

[arfie]

Why I continue to berate myself I wish I could figure out.

everything in life has physical components. i consider myself to be a chaos addict in recovery. my body releases potent, self-replenishing hormones when i berate myself, create new chaos in my life, panic, etc., etc. as an alcoholic needs to purge the alcohol from their system before they can begin/resume recovery, i need to purge those extra hormones from my system before i can regain my full cognitive function. vigorous workouts are my primary tool for doing so.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you figure your own case, keystonegirl.