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Outting your r*pist on social media - thoughts

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by lookingfor help, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. lookingfor help

    lookingfor help Member

    I was wondering if anyone has considered doing so, whether publicly or anonymously (by sharing your story through another person and having them out your abuser).
    Really recently I came across a girl with a similar story to mine; she had been r*ped very recently, was the same age as me and in university, dealing with ptsd and juggling work and a police case. She publicly outted her r*pist through Instagram, making a whole page which shared both her story and stories of other women who had been r*ped or sexually assaulted in any way by him. She’s since taken it down but mentioned a page on instagram that exists for outting r*pist in general, not just hers exclusively, where people can have their stories anonymously posted and the r*pist Instagram (or maybe social media) posted at the end.
    I guess I’m asking would you ever? Is it even safe to? I know I’m tempted to, that maybe where police failed me I could still do something to save others and call him out for what he is. My only concern is if I could face repercussions for it.
    LilLynx and Rain like this.
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  3. digger

    digger I'll just donate a dollar please, Bob Moderator Donated

    I think I'd want to look very carefully into UK defamation laws before doing something like that if there has been no conviction, which I'm guessing as you feel the police have failed you there hasn't been?
    LilLynx, Rain, joeylittle and 6 others like this.
  4. lookingfor help

    lookingfor help Member

    Yeah, “my word against his”.
    Rain, Zoogal and Kittengirl like this.
  5. Sideways

    Sideways I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Yes you could. Anything from action taken by the website you post on to defamation.

    ETA: have you talked to your T about the possibility of reporting the matter to the police? Even though it’s “my word against his”, because that is often the case, but doesn’t necessarily mean no action can be taken.
    Rain, scout86, Anarchy and 1 other person like this.
  6. Kittengirl

    Kittengirl Policy Enforcement Banned

    I am in no way a rape victim but I am a victim of non-consensual touching but I find this thought running through my mind a lot, I even tried outing the perpetrator myself on social media by trying to tell as many people as I could, and I regret it because no one believed me and it got me kicked out of college because one of the girls told the head teacher to get me in trouble on purpose. Morally, it feels so right to do but it just gets you in trouble and maybe even in trouble with the law, as stupid as it is when you are the victim. I didn't report mine early enough and when I did later on the police didn't do anything to help me. I know how frustrating the lack of justice is but there is no way around it other than trying your hardest to move on with you life and heal. People just tend to victim-blame and it's just ridiculous the lack of justice for atrocious crimes such as this. And another thing, in my case the perpetrator was a sociopath, these people are very good liars and will just destroy you. Unfortunately there are many people who aren't very compassionate and they just victim-blame or pass aside serious things like this instead of wanting to help people because it's easier for them.
    Rain and Flecksofmidnight like this.
  7. Xena

    Xena Well-Known Member

    Hi @lookingfor help... I think it's up to you... Revenge is a very powerful emotion and so is justice...

    But there may be consequences of this action... And because I don't know this guy.. And wouldn't want to... Would he try anything.. You are the only one who knows this. Just be careful before doing something you may regret.... But I can totally see why you want to do it...
  8. lookingfor help

    lookingfor help Member

    I have reported. It got me nowhere; the case was dropped a couple months ago. It doesn’t help that my experience with the police was terrible and that even the decision to report felt forced on me so to not get an outcome that felt like “all of this was worth it” has really hurt.

    I’m so sorry. That’s horrible to hear. Disgusting to think that we are the victims, and what we are saying is the truth and in anyway the law and other people can turn against us. The unfairness of the situation makes me so mad. With all the suffering we go through, why does fighting forgot our voice to be heard leave us worse off? I’m just tired of feeling helpless, and thinking how his life has gone unchanged.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2018
  9. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    If I’m going to go to jail, I’d rather go for assault.

    That said, I don’t think most people are worth spending even a day in jail, much less longer.
    Rain, Xena, Zoogal and 6 others like this.
  10. Sideways

    Sideways I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I’m so sorry. It makes me so angry that, after being raped, police have the audacity to treat victims the way they sometimes do.

    Motivation to stick my hand up and drive for systematic change.

    Don’t ever feel like your voice doesn’t count. It does. It’s important. Use it wisely.
    Faith Andrews, Rain, scout86 and 3 others like this.
  11. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    I understand wanting to out him, but given all you’re dealing with, do you want more drama? The level of drama could rise to the point of putting your healing in jeopardy......and if things are bad enough, you might get to the point where you have ptsd without remission for life. Of course this isn’t likely (ptsd for life), but you need to know that inviting this level of drama into your life CAN put your healing at risk, especially if everyone turns against you and you have no support system. I’m not trying to silence you, rather I’m saying that your healing is priority, YOU are priority. Not telling the world he is a rapist.
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
  12. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    I think it's worth asking what difference it would make to your quality of life for you to "out" him? He's not going to acknowledge his actions, the police aren't taking it forward, other people looking st an obscure instagram account honestly won't give a damn either about the person being accused of rape or the person that accused them. That sounds really harsh and I suppose I mean it to be in that you could turn your whole life on its head outing someone to people who don't have your interests at heart with potentially very serious consequences for you where there would be evidence of what you did.

    You aren't responsible for what he might do in future, he is wholly responsible for his own actions. In any event you're very unlikely to prevent him raping someone else because women simply don't look at site which identify rapists until after they've been raped. I'm guessing before it happened to you you weren't scouring the internet to see who had been accused of rape by a random anonymous person?

    Is there another way you could feel some sense of justice or purpose out of this? Work with a rape crisis charity, raise awareness etc? By holding in mind the thought that you might out him, you give him more space in your head than he deserves, more power over you than he is due. Maybe it would be more beneficial to do something for you that moves you towards your own future than trying to think about him.
    Rain, illusionist, Xena and 3 others like this.
  13. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    ^ this
    Rain likes this.
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