Overwhelmed and burnt out

JulieG

New Here
Hello All,
I'm coming apart at the seams an could use some help.
My brother in law passed away a few weeks ago and I had been trying to get to my sister. My husband has terminal cancer and I'm his caregiver and he got a new diagnosis that has shortened his timeline significantly. The stress of that caused me to have a small stroke.
I finally got to my sister (hours by plane away) and my husband is home with nursing care while am gone but his PTSD (military) has kicked into overdrive and he has been calling all his drs and has discovered he has new cancers that his Dr & I decided to delay telling him until I got home (he also has dementia) but he somehow found out. My phone is exploding with calls from him & his dr every 5 minutes and I can't handle 1 more thing. My PTSD is in hyper drive and I can't put together a sentence. Trying to process grief and preparing to process more that is to come is making me ill and rendering me useless. At what point do I collapse in a heap? My anxiety and hypervigilence is out of control and I can't sit still or sleep. I welcome any tips on getting this under control before I collapse.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Oh, @JulieG, I'm so sorry. You are just going through so much. I know when I am going through a lot and feeling very overwhelmed, I have to remind myself to just take one thing at a time. Turn off your phone for an hour (or 30 minutes) to get a break from the calls. Try to remember what has helped you sleep in the past and DO that. I use mindfulness practices, have a sound machine I turn on at night, and sometimes resort to medicine like Tylenol pm or natural stuff like Melatonin to help me sleep. You'd of course need to check with your doctor, since you've had some medical issues, but if you are not sleeping, that will make everything worse/harder to manage.
 

JulieG

New Here
Thank you so much. I have a few more days with my sister and sleep is available here. I can choose to go to bed and since it's quiet and I have actually had restorative sleep. It's been so long that I haven't slept I truly forgot what that was like.
My house is the equivalent of a nursing home and I'm the only employee. My husband's physical and mental health needs require 24 hour care. His physical terminal illness, PTSD , psychosis is impossible to regulate. He's combative and severely abusive. I also have pets with special needs ( I won't abandon them ) so that adds to the issues. He will deliberately trigger all my PTSD issues. Sleep is purposely interrupted and severely limited. All of that has now caused physical problems for me . It feels like I'm falling further behind each day and so sleep deprived it's becoming dangerous. Today I slept 8 consecutive hours and woke on my own time and brain fog lifted. What a difference. I know some big changes must happen at home in order for me to survive this.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Hello All,
I'm coming apart at the seams an could use some help.
My brother in law passed away a few weeks ago and I had been trying to get to my sister. My husband has terminal cancer and I'm his caregiver and he got a new diagnosis that has shortened his timeline significantly. The stress of that caused me to have a small stroke.
I finally got to my sister (hours by plane away) and my husband is home with nursing care while am gone but his PTSD (military) has kicked into overdrive and he has been calling all his drs and has discovered he has new cancers that his Dr & I decided to delay telling him until I got home (he also has dementia) but he somehow found out. My phone is exploding with calls from him & his dr every 5 minutes and I can't handle 1 more thing. My PTSD is in hyper drive and I can't put together a sentence. Trying to process grief and preparing to process more that is to come is making me ill and rendering me useless. At what point do I collapse in a heap? My anxiety and hypervigilence is out of control and I can't sit still or sleep. I welcome any tips on getting this under control before I collapse.
Wow you have a lot on your plate for sure- sorry suggestion 1 : please take time out for you - even 10min! But in this time try facing the sun or a nice place outside ,( quiet place inside also ok) close your eyes breath in for 4 out for 4- focus your attention just on your breathing- that way it may help shut other things if other thoughts come say something like dismiss! Focus on your breathing- after a while open your eyes try remember something or time that brought you joy - this is you time-
Suggestion 2 in bed before you sleep do the same breathing in count 4 out count 4 do this a short time
Suggestion 3 ( careful with this one) have a shower at night in complete darkness or just have a dim light in another room - more effective just before bed don’t slip! - just trust me on this one it’s good. Please don’t slip over
Kind regards and prayers to you and your family
Mr Canis
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I also have pets with special needs
Oh, I know how hard just this can be! I had two cats with lymphoma, and during that time, had such a hard time sleeping and just managing every day!

my husband is home with nursing care while am gone
Wondering if it's possible to get nursing or hospice care and help for him while you are home? Or for at least a day or two so you can get a break?
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you so much. I have a few more days with my sister and sleep is available here. I can choose to go to bed and since it's quiet and I have actually had restorative sleep. It's been so long that I haven't slept I truly forgot what that was like.
My house is the equivalent of a nursing home and I'm the only employee. My husband's physical and mental health needs require 24 hour care. His physical terminal illness, PTSD , psychosis is impossible to regulate. He's combative and severely abusive. I also have pets with special needs ( I won't abandon them ) so that adds to the issues. He will deliberately trigger all my PTSD issues. Sleep is purposely interrupted and severely limited. All of that has now caused physical problems for me . It feels like I'm falling further behind each day and so sleep deprived it's becoming dangerous. Today I slept 8 consecutive hours and woke on my own time and brain fog lifted. What a difference. I know some big changes must happen at home in order for me to survive this.
Hi JulieG,

Thank you for reaching out.

Yes, some big changes must happen in order for you to survive. They may happen organically: really glad you prioritized sleep.

I am concerned that you say your husband purposefully triggers you. Do whatever you need to do to feel better.
 

JulieG

New Here
Wow you have a lot on your plate for sure- sorry suggestion 1 : please take time out for you - even 10min! But in this time try facing the sun or a nice place outside ,( quiet place inside also ok) close your eyes breath in for 4 out for 4- focus your attention just on your breathing- that way it may help shut other things if other thoughts come say something like dismiss! Focus on your breathing- after a while open your eyes try remember something or time that brought you joy - this is you time-
Suggestion 2 in bed before you sleep do the same breathing in count 4 out count 4 do this a short time
Suggestion 3 ( careful with this one) have a shower at night in complete darkness or just have a dim light in another room - more effective just before bed don’t slip! - just trust me on this one it’s good. Please don’t slip over
Kind regards and prayers to you and your family
Mr Canis

Mr. Cannis,
Thank you! I like the shower idea! I have a night light in the bathroom that has a dimmer on it so that would work. I regularly practice the breathing exercises but often forget to use them so thank you for the reminder. It's pretty hectic and by the end of the day often just collapse in a chair but will try to remember. Thanks for the advice!

Julie
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Mr. Cannis,
Thank you! I like the shower idea! I have a night light in the bathroom that has a dimmer on it so that would work. I regularly practice the breathing exercises but often forget to use them so thank you for the reminder. It's pretty hectic and by the end of the day often just collapse in a chair but will try to remember. Thanks for the advice!

Julie
Thanks Julie, it just seemed like in your post so much of you is given to everyone and everything else leaving you running on empty - let us know if you get something out of it kindest regards
 

JulieG

New Here
I will! I am running on fumes daily. Trying to make some changes and put up some boundaries and protection to save something for myself. I'm TERRIBLE about doing anything for myself but will give and do for others at any cost . If I were talking to myself as a stranger I would jump to action. ZERO capacity to do for myself. The lifetime of trauma and PTSD engrained that.
 

FlyingDove

Learning
Hello All,
I'm coming apart at the seams an could use some help.
My brother in law passed away a few weeks ago and I had been trying to get to my sister. My husband has terminal cancer and I'm his caregiver and he got a new diagnosis that has shortened his timeline significantly. The stress of that caused me to have a small stroke.
I finally got to my sister (hours by plane away) and my husband is home with nursing care while am gone but his PTSD (military) has kicked into overdrive and he has been calling all his drs and has discovered he has new cancers that his Dr & I decided to delay telling him until I got home (he also has dementia) but he somehow found out. My phone is exploding with calls from him & his dr every 5 minutes and I can't handle 1 more thing. My PTSD is in hyper drive and I can't put together a sentence. Trying to process grief and preparing to process more that is to come is making me ill and rendering me useless. At what point do I collapse in a heap? My anxiety and hypervigilence is out of control and I can't sit still or sleep. I welcome any tips on getting this under control before I collapse.
I am new here but my first husband was in this situation. Type 2 diabetes myleodysplactic syndrome in continent etc. In the end I placed him in a nursing home. He was placed on hospice and died 6 weeks later. That was nov. 2012. In May 2014 I was admitted to hospital with bacterial meningitis of my brain. On a vent in multi organ failure. Had a craniotomy. Being a do called codependent up to that time contributed heavily to my outcome. Please take care of you.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
I will! I am running on fumes daily. Trying to make some changes and put up some boundaries and protection to save something for myself. I'm TERRIBLE about doing anything for myself but will give and do for others at any cost . If I were talking to myself as a stranger I would jump to action. ZERO capacity to do for myself. The lifetime of trauma and PTSD engrained that.
I get the running on fumes- lack of sleep, flashbacks/ the daily grind yea it’s wearing- I’m currently having a coffee outside doing a FTW moment (f*ck the weight) stopped coffee / breathing/ trees: do it again- then back into it- sometimes forcing a break from the grind helps- be good to yourself…
 
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