Overwhelmed With Stress & Anxiety - Looking For Help

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AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
My dad has cancer, I’m 37 living with my parents suffering from severe anxiety. I hate my job, I am a goddamn criminal, and I am going back to court. I’m trying to focus on life and I can’t. I can’t effing focus? I am so full of anxiety about court. And everyone ignores me and how I feel. I can’t take it. My actions??? It was all thrown in my face. Everything I ever did and now my reality is just blown! I was taken advantage of and no one can help build me up. I literal lost my damn mind. I took so much shit from everyone and I can’t handle it anymore. Please, just make it go away. Make it go away. It shouldn’t be this bad trying to get ahead in life. I can’t handle it. My life is falling apart. Someone please help me! Therapy isn’t helping, everyone has a different opinion. I will never get married, have friends, or be an adult because I can’t move on. And going back to court scares the living hell out of me.
One of the quirky things about trauma?

The “time machine” aspect.

In virtually no other area of life does ANYONE think their life ever could be “the same”. There’s an acceptance that growing up and living life is a linear process. You’re not going to be the same as you were before going to school, getting a job, falling in love, getting married, having kids, after your parents die, etc.

Yet, with trauma? People seem to almost universally come to the opinion that they can go back in time, and be the person they used to be, if... something.

It makes sense.

Flashbacks are literally re-living moments in time. Not remembering them. Being triggered is reacting/responding to something in the present AS IF it’s something in the past. A lot of things seem to have been frozen in time, as if we’re existing, simultaneously, both in the past and in the present.

For most people with PTSD? Time stopped being linear, a long time ago.

So it makes sense that it FEELS RIGHT that I could be the person I used to be. But emotions? Don’t logic so hot. Even if I’m experiencing time in a non-linear fashion, it doesn’t follow that I can actually travel through time, and just erase 5-10-15-25-50 years. No one can. Even wanting to? From personal experience/observation seems to be as much a symptom as anything else. (Lots of people want to go back in time and change decisions, or save someone they love, but if you run across someone who wants to go back in time to BE the person they used to? $1 will get you $500 that person has a trauma history!)

Linear-Time people seem to innately understand that if they want to change who their are, and how they live their lives? That happens now & in the future. The become who they want to be in the future, by working on who they want to be, now.

People with PTSD? Tend to think the only way to do that, is in their past. Be now, who they used to be.

Like I said, quirky, right?

You CAN become who you want to be. But not by being who you used to be.
Then how does that happen? No one seems to be telling me how that can happen? I have so much stress in my life right now that it is awful. None of the same opportunities are present for me. I was in such a good path and my life is about to come crashing down. I can’t take the anxiety anymore. I have at least 3 more months of it. It’s awful. Inhale trauma. Getting it from my ex, my family, the rest of the world. It just doesn’t stop. My ex set me up and my world just keeps crashing down and down and down and down. I can’t do this anymore. It’s awful. The anxiety is awful, yet if I ignore it, it won’t go away. But if I make a move, it all goes down the drain. It’s like I’m stuck.
 
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Changing4Best

MyPTSD Pro
I am sorry you are going through all this. Anxiety is sometimes so encompassing that you can't deal with it. Has a Dr put you on meds? I have a med that has been prescribed to me for anxiety. It works.
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
I am sorry that you feel this way. It seems like you are pretty overwhelmed indeed.
I don't know for how long you've tried therapy, but it doesn't work right away. It takes time to heal, make process and most of the time you will have a period which feels even worse than before you went to therapy.
I know life looks like shit and I also know it looks like this is just it for the rest of your life. But there is a way out, a way to deal with everything. I think it's a good thing to still try see therapists and maybe get some non addicting medication like atarax maybe?

Also it might be a good idea to write everything down, just take your time to sit down, think about everything that bothers you right now. But one at a time, try not to think about every issue at once.

Maybe mindfulness/breathing exercises/grounding would help when you are experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed.

There are a lot of things that can give you at least a little bit of rest for now, just try giving it a chance.

I hope this is something that might help you in any way..
Stay strong, I know there is a way out, but just because you can't see it yet doesn't mean there isn't one. <3
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I can hear how overwhelmed you are feeling. That, in and of itself, just *feeling* overwhelmed, will likely add to any anxiety that is already there. I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to feel any hope when everything is coming at you at once.

I don't know for how long you've tried therapy, but it doesn't work right away. It takes time to heal, make process and most of the time you will have a period which feels even worse than before you went to therapy.

I would add that you have a ton of stuff to process, so it's going to take a lot of regular work to learn to manage it all.

It's true, I think, that much of what we hear from therapists are opinions. I had to see several before I found one that sounded "right" to me and who offered some things that helped (or are starting to help) me.

For me, when I get overwhelmed I try to take one thing at a time, look at it, and try to figure out how I can begin - even in small ways - to manage it. Just as an example: I absolutely hated my job and had no hope that anything would get better. So I figured out what it was about my job I hated and tried to make small changes. I finally left (after a very long time and just a month or so ago), and I can't believe the difference that has made. I have a ton of other stuff that creates a huge amount of anxiety (2 very sick cats, NO money, NO job, nobody to connect with in real-life).

I can’t take the anxiety anymore. I have at least 3 more months of it. It’s awful. Inhale trauma.

I totally understand this. I've been there so many times I can't count. One thing I am learning is that it *really does* matter how you talk to yourself and how you respond to what is happening. If you are convinced you will have 3 more months of anxiety, you probably will.

The anxiety is awful, yet if I ignore it, it won’t go away.

No, it won't. Have you tried paying attention to it? I mean really just sitting with it? It's best to do that with someone else present, as it generally gets worse before it gets better, but feelings rise to a climax and then can only come back down. You will be surprised how NOT permanent our feelings are.

I literal lost my damn mind.

Literally? Probably not, since you are able to form coherent conversation here. This is another example of how our words have a huge effect on our feelings.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
The thing is is that I don’t really have time. I am now a criminal who will never be able to defend herself physically against another man again. My ex husband set me up and he gets to live his life normally. Now I’m being told my life will never be the same. No one is helping me and my life is so effed. Therapy, meds and everything else is costing me a fortune. I can’t escape the mental back and forth, the lies that he told, and I am freaking out all the time. He even came back and told me he was sorry and then left again. And my dad is dying of cancer, and I can’t trust people. But I try. The emotions aren’t going away. I can not believe this is all happening. I worked so hard for everything, and he took away my money, my freedom, and my sanity. Having someone mess with your mind so much is so messed up. No one is helping me. Not the therapist, not my family, not work. It’s been 6 years and my life is still in the same place. I never want to get my hopes up again, but there is just so much that has happened, I can’t let it go. I meditate, take meds, distract myself, and it’s messed up. I have never felt like my head was on fire before.
 

Rainman8772

MyPTSD Pro
When your cup is too full stuff will happen. I know it’s tough and I know you are looking at the big picture where everything piles on top of you. The only thing that helps me when things like that happen is to slow down and focus on one thing at the time. If you win the small battles it gets some confidence back up. A small battle may be something as stupid as doing my laundry or cleaning up. When I get mentally exhausted I will stop and start back up in an hour or so. Yes it’s using avoidance to the problem and not fixing it right now but it is letting you take one small thing at the time and work up to the bigger ones.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I’m just so tired and confused. My life went to crap and no one can help me get it back. I am so mentally tired and exhausted. He lied about everything and annihilated me. I’m just so tired. And all I can do is stop the thoughts which is hard. Nothing is working out the way I want. I wish I never met him.
 

Rainman8772

MyPTSD Pro
Here is the part where you come to the fork in the road. You can go left and wallow in self pity or you can go right and kick it’s ass. No one can make you do it but yourself. Start with the little things just waking up early and taking a shower. Like I said small battles will get you up to larger ones.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Here’s the thing, I’m not good enough for so many people and it drives me nuts. I don’t need pity or anything else. I’m confused as all hell. Why is it that those people that I like don’t like me???? I don’t understand it at all. All the fun people are just too good and out of reach, yet I am told I am to bitchy. Yet, court takes precedence over ever and I look back at everything and my life is just messed up. I am so tired of the nightmares and I want my energy back. I remember standing there begging him to treat me like a human being. God does not change the outcome of a judgement, yet my life is a living hell every day. I try to leave my family and it just backfired in my face. I can’t have what I want, that is what he said. I was told I needed therapy, I’m in therapy and it is effing my life up. But, I won’t stop going because I can’t be a vegetable head forever. Funny how you can spend time with someone and they tell you they have a good time and all this other crap and never call you or talk to you. It’s always the fun ones. The boring ones never leave.
 
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AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
What do you do when you’ve made completely wrong decisions and keep making them? And your life is passing you by? What the hell do you do???? When the therapist tells you you have to do it? When you know you’re life isn’t what it used to be? When you can’t move on? When you know you need to? When you like someone that doesn’t like you? When you say yes to things you don’t want to do then regret it because nothing works out the way you thought it would???? What do you do when all of the energy you give off is bad? Your therapist tells you they understand but they haven’t gone through what you’ve gone through. He really messed with me and I couldn’t say no. Living in the moment sucks, and therapy has confused me sooooo much. Life has confused me.
 

mumstheword

MyPTSD Pro
Can you start to think about accepting yourself, forgiving yourself, figuring out how to love yourself anyway?

If you want other's to love you, to like you, to be kind to you, sometimes it is all you can do to just start doing that to yourself.

Think about how you would like other's to treat you and resolve to be that to yourself. Be your own best friend. Only you know what you have been through, in its entirety, so only you can give yourself the complete understanding and compassion that you require.

I guarantee, once you commit to, and follow through with being kind to yourself, and at the same time having boundaries, because healthy relationships require healthy boundaries, other people will respond in kind. And if they don't?

Well, resolve to be kinder to yourself and resolve to teach yourself to stop suffering, so much, over things you have no control over.

Tell yourself it's futile to ruminate and wallow in emotional pain over other people's actions and mindsets, because you can't make other's think or act differently, but you can change how you respond.
That's what learning to be respons-able is really all about.

Like they teach in AA ~ God grant me the courage to change the things I can
the acceptance for what I cannot change
And the wisdom to know the difference.
It's a profound message and It works, but it's a principle that you must keep applying and applying and applying, and it brings relief.

Acceptance is not giving up, it's just coming to terms with your current situation, instead of fighting against it, and using up all your energy in the process and still not getting what you want.

You are Loved. It might not feel it, at the moment, coz you are blocking yourself, you are judging yourself, you are giving yourself the hardest time, and that doesn't allow you the strength to cope with what's beyond your personal control.

But I can tell, you are ready for a change, you are desperate enough to call out, from your soul, and ask for strength, for guidance, for a way forward and it's a God-given promise ~ Ask and you Shall Receive.

And you are asking, from the depth of your being. So trust, that a way forward will be presented for you. Even if it's just the strength to cope with this, very, VERY, painful situation you find yourself in.
Sometimes, all we can do, in the moment, is just to submit, to surrender, to give ourselves a little rest and to allow ourselves comfort, but give yourself permission to receive comfort and give yourself the compassion that you, so desperately need.

Once you learn to be your own best friend, other cool peeps will want to be your friend too, and even if they don't, you will stop giving yourself the hardest time because of it.

Sure you've made mistakes. We all have. That's part of what we are here for. To make them and to learn from them.

This isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of new understandings that will open up a whole new way forward, for ourselves.

But we are the only ones who can do it. Nobody can do it for us.

Nobody can or will rescue us from ourselves.

Maybe God can, whatever, or whoever God is (It's so personal, I wouldn't profess to know what that means for you, and apology's if that term doesn't work for you, I am simply referring to the Benevolent, Creative, Force, in the universe/within us), but, otherwise, it is up to you to give yourself, and allow for yourself, some peace, even in chaos, some kindness, even when you've messed up, and some faith, that things, inside yourself at least, CAN and WILL get better.
 
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