I'm finally, after almost two years, realizing this is a problem. Running yourself ragged runs in my family. I work on something for at least 12-14 hours every day, be it school, my business, a project, etc. until I am in so much physical pain I can't function for a week or so. Through A LOT of outside help I realized I'm running away from feeling the "sucky" emotions, and therefore myself. When I do sit and feel them, I get really depressed and can't let them go. I've been doing so much better mental health wise but now I'm wondering if it was just because I was so overworked I didn't feel anything. I think this is why I feel so bored and numb--I have no idea what's going on in my internal world. I'm terrified that if I let the feelings come, they'll ruin me and I won't be able to do the work I HAVE to do, let alone the projects I want to do. I can't let go of the work. I don't want to quit school again especially considering it'd mean I don't get financial aid (and if I can't handle school at this level? no way I can handle a "normal person" job), but when I let myself feel stuff it's like it ruins my whole day and I can't do any work again, I just cry and sleep.