Sufferer Pain and anger

Silent000

New Here
Hi.I am new here. I don't even now were or how to begin. Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD, at the beginning I was mentally prepared to deal with the trauma but after some weeks I realized that I was getting worse so I stopped the whole thing. I went to the clinic seeking help for sexual assault and rape instead I got there and all the person could talk to about was Jesus. How does someone who claims to be a professional tell a very fragile victim to repent and confess to being a sinner and everything will go away. I am not only depressed, am also angry.

I mean where was Jesus when I was being assaulted and raped on two separate occasions.... What did I do to deserve that. I completed my degree 3 years ago and I am terrified of going to work because am gonna have to work with men, am even terrified of walking in the streets daytime. I am hoping that being here will motivate me to try and seek help again.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome @Silent000. I'm so sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you found this place. And really sorry that you did not get the support and help that you needed. That was not what you needed to hear at the time for sure.

Hope you spend time here, read around the forum. So many topics, so many people feeling the same way you do. And a lot of help, support, and validation for what you are experiencing.

This is hard enough to do without having to do it alone. Lots of threads here about therapy. A lot of crappy situations like the one you had. But many people here are in therapy and finding it hard yet very helpful.

Hope to see you around the forum.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Silent000, so glad you found this site. I am really sorry for what you went through. As ladee said, there are many threads that Im sure you will find helpful. It is a great place for you to get support.

I know first hand about the different styles of therapists and clearly you had one that was a "christian" therapist. Not that that is a bad thing for some. What you described would have turned me off immediately as well. I know people who seem to use their christianity to deal with
everything, but it sure isn't for everyone.

Someone who specializes in trauma is a good start. Still have to find the right match. Glad you are here.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I went through a lot with this. Who is the therapist and what are they saying? Meaning what do they believe behind what they’re saying. Before that it was 12 steps will make you ok and church will.

I had someone on my couch the other day though and I think she’s starting to come to grips with it. Sometimes we have psychological problems. Trauma causes psychological problems. She referred to it as needing outside help and hitting a bottom. That lingo makes me ill. She’s also what we refer to as almost hyper charismatic. So a double whammy. A few years back she was telling me forget therapy and go to meetings and pray and that’s all good advice.

Sadly you can do all that and still be far from well.

Therpy helped me a lot. I needed someone I could talk to and tell things and not be judged, I needed to process what was bothering me with another person.

I was lucky and I found that. I hope you can find someone.
 

Silent000

New Here
Silent000, so glad you found this site. I am really sorry for what you went through. As ladee said, there are many threads that Im sure you will find helpful. It is a great place for you to get support.

I know first hand about the different styles of therapists and clearly you had one that was a "christian" therapist. Not that that is a bad thing for some. What you described would have turned me off immediately as well. I know people who seem to use their christianity to deal with
everything, but it sure isn't for everyone.

Someone who specializes in trauma is a good start. Still have to find the right match. Glad you are here.
I am gonna try and find the right match. The therapy session put me in a really bad place to a point we're I don't really think I can handle therapy with someone who doesn't understand how you help me.
 
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Sadielady3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi there and welcome. I've had a lot of bad therapists over the years. I only really realized that I have trauma a few months ago so back when I really needed help (right after getting out of my abusive household), I didn't have a clue or the money as to what I was doing. I didn't have any religious counselors but I did have quite a few young ones who were more interested in being friends than helping me. Or maybe they weren't able to. At any rate, a bad counselor can do a number on you. Sometimes bad help is actually worse than no help at all. I believed when I first met my current T that all counselors were the same. And even on the days when I want to desperately run away from therapy because of my issues, I still know he's someone who can help me. When you find someone who is a great fit, you'll know.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Im glad to hear that you are open to find the right match.

Remember, you are hiring the therapist so its fine to make a list of questions for the first session. You have every right to be informed. You can ask about their training with trauma therapy, methods used, and a variety of other questions that you may want to know so you can get a feel for how they work.

I once had a therapist tell me to take a job at McDonalds and drop hamburgers on the floor until I got fired, to pick my nose when my sister was nosey, and to pour cold water on my husband when he took business calls in the middle of the night....among other things. This is when I was first diagnosed with severe chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. It was almost laughable. It was years until I realized she saw in me that I was too serious, that I always held it together and tried to be reasonable, and would never embarrass myself.....meanwhile, stuffing feelings that were coming out in illness. She was never a preferred therapist for me, but she sure made an impact.

Good luck to you in finding a good therapist and I know you will find lots of support here.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Therapy is a weird thing. You might need a bit of time to find someone who fits you. I spent 2 years in counseling with a therapist that didn’t understand that what I was describing was textbook cptsd. She wasn’t trauma informed and was starting to judge me over my past and the fact I was feeling stuck. I spent time looping into my past and crying a lot. At the end reading about epigenetics and trauma in animals helped me more than that person…

Then I had a therapist in the local hospital that was my age, and was all curious cuz I’m an artist and sort of making conversation instead of dealing with shit. Then he antagonised me for violence that I did suffer from, making me responsible for "enabling" it. He also antagonised the diagnose and treatment of another therapist I have, being super against mood stabilisers because it’s addictive. He wanted to diagnose me with "BPD traits", which isn’t completely completely off, but didn’t help as I
was already doing DBT by myself and was struggling with loops of flashbacks. At the end he was more leaning on the cptsd side, asked me to make a timeline of my life that made me spiraling depressed for a month and then never spoke about it again, but started a psychoanalysis. I was his first patient 🙄

I also have another therapist, from Latin America and I have sessions by zoom. She’s a woman. I do feel more comfortable with women than with men, definitely. She’s extremely straightforward and respects my opinions on things, doesn’t let me babble with shit. She’s trauma informed and picked up the ptsd and the gad immediately. A lot of help talking about regulation and medication, I also can message her whenever I want and it’s very reassuring. She’s helped me tremendously. I wouldn’t have make it without the meds and the assistance.

You might try different people. Some therapists are more in tune with you than others for personal reasons. But having therapists informed about sexual assault and that can empathise with you is important. The guy who thought I had BPD treated that information as if I told him I fell from my bike. I also don’t like the ones that are over empathising and insist on how bad it was, it’s important to find the right balance and it isn’t easy.

Good luck in your search and glad you’ve found us. Very sorry for what happened to you, sexual assault is a difficult matter.
 

Silent000

New Here
Hey Silent000,

Anger is a good start.

It's going to be okay.
Hi Chris416
It's difficult to picture myself okay. Not that I don't want to

I see so many threats about who say it took them so many therapists just to get to the right fit. It only took one to break me and I don't think that I have the strength to go through that again.
 
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Friday

Moderator
I see so many threats about who say it took them so many therapists just to get to the right fit. It only took one to break me and I don't think that I have the strength to go through that again.
As you completed your degree a few years ago... I’m sure you’ve met people who attended one university class, once, with an asshole professor, & quit school? Because there was no way in hell they were going to put themselves through that, much less pay good money to put themselves through that.

But on the other side of the line? You’ve almost certainly spent a whole quarter with an asshole professor at least once (never taking THEM again! Jerk!), have probably dropped a course or transferred out in the beginning of the quarter because of the “no asshole” policy most students develop ....aaaaaaaaand.... probably both got pretty good at choosing your professors, as well as had some pretty amazing ones.

Therapists are much the same.

It’s bad luck (or good luck, depending on how you look at it) to get an assholio whackadoodle nutbird for the first one you meet... but it happens. Why possibly good luck? As the up front reminder that a therapist is just a teacher that you’re hiring to teach you what you need/want to know. Some of them? Will be totally incompetent. Others will be assholes. A lot will be middling, but basically okay-ish. And a few will be amazing.

One thing that can help as you’re looking for a therapist? Is NOT to talk about you, or your trauma, for your first session / interview appointment. Talk about THEM. What their experience is, how they like to work, what their specialties are, what their favorite methods are, etc. Interview appointments are often/usually free (and about half the length of an ordinary appointment) for just this reason. If & only if you think you might be able to work with them (you like both their experience & personality on a provisional basis) book an intake appointment or first session to start talking about you & your life. Interview appointments are like the first day of class where syllabi are handed out & professors introduce themselves.... except 1 on 1. And you can ask all the questions you want, in the most general terms (how do you prefer to work with sexual assault? Talk to me about how you design treatment plans.) or in as much specific detail as you like. Don’t need to come near your trauma history with a 10’ pole for that session. Or even any of the next many.
 
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