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Panic Attacks And Memory

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growingpains

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I opened up to some old friends I grew up with that I have PTSD. The scariest thing for me is that a few said they had seen me in scary situations and worried about me. When I asked further they claimed that I had panic attacks before I went out driving and such but I have no recollection of the panic attacks they remember. I remember a few panic attacks but it seems like I had them a lot more often back then than I remember. Is this common? I know that PTSD effects memory, and can include panic attacks due to anxiety/stress, but what I am not sure of is if this is a personal symptom or if I always just block out memories of times when I am in a high stress/anxiety state. I understand why I blocked out my traumas except for the flashbacks--the flashbacks are so bad I don't WANT to remember more in a way. But why would my body protect me from remembering panic attacks? It is not like I can't handle the fact that I breathed hard, felt dizzy and almost passed out.
 
Years ago my T. told me that my brain was so busy just trying to handle my day to day existance, that it literally did not notice many things. He said that if I did not notice an action or event then it *was not stored* in my memory. So to my brain---it never happened

The stress of trying to just exist everyday caused my brain to fail storing most of my life in the memory section. My memory is an issue between my daughter and I. It is a place where we do not go because I feel she does not believe that I a memory issue. In fact, I have been made aware lately that I am saying and doing things that I Do Not remember.

It is almost like when I get to stressed my brain goes on auto pilot and my brain simply shuts down, and that's why there is no memory.
All I know is that this is getting old and makes me seriously worry about my mental ability to function.
 
Yeah but that is what it is like for me too. You get it. It is an issue for me too. Thank you for helping me to not feel alone with this. That is exactly how it is for me.
 
You are most certainly not alone! And it's not just stressful or traumatic events that I can't remember, sometimes it's good stuff, mostly just day to day stuff. When I am stressed then chances are I will forget more than I'll remember, but I even don't remember stuff that happened when I wasn't. If I dissociate, I won't remember what was going on at all (I've literally not known whether I've run a red light or not).

Heck there was even a point where I forgot my own name! I'd had it for 21 years at the point so you'd think I'd remember something that important, but nope.
 
Yes! It is the loss of the good memories, the events of your life that should be remembered, that drive me nuts. I know exactly how you feel, knowing that you are not the only person who has to live with this. Explaining it to your family or friends is impossible. They simply do not get it. In fact, my mother thinks this issue is simply due to old age and normal. NORMAL? NORMAL??? Maybe for her, but I'm not at that stage yet. She compares her memory loss to mine. DUH! She is almost 86. I'm not!

This is so sad, especially when I think about all the things we have lost due to memory issue. Pictures help, but not very much. But most of all is the fear of the unknown. I've always referred to this phase "the monsters under my bed", since I don't remember my childhood trauma.

Anyway, just know you are not alone.
 
I realized recently that I was brainwashed from a young age. I have been in denial most of my life with all the trauma and then PTSD. I have such little memory of my childhood. It hurts to look at pictures because I remember bits and pieces of what I was going through at the time and I just look at that face and think "don't hurt her".
 
When I see pictures of me as a child they mean nothing to me. I might as well be looking at a magazine--the pictures bring nothing back. Guess I am lucky I don't remember.
 
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