Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
The last three days I've been living entirely in dissociation or absolute sheer panic states. I'm absolutely overwhelmed with everything in my life and I have no more time to just rest and let it pass. I took two entire days off of school when I only have two weeks left, so now I'm going to probably have to use accommodations coming into the busiest two weeks of school. My professors are great about it but I'm so ANGRY at myself for not just pushing past it.
They've been renovating my house for two months so I've had to focus while people are banging on everything for MONTHS now, trying to do projects, apply for jobs (since I basically lost my job too, but I have savings which is lucky), now unemployment for gig workers is up and I'm trying to figure that out too, and I've been trying to start to look at internships and careers etc and it's making me panic too. I could set that aside for a week or two, but I'm worried I won't be able to secure an internship and they'll all be gone (like they aren't already...most people are pulling them). I set aside three days in the future for doing absolutely nothing but resting. After that I'll start writing my next book.
I also have an impending move to a state with a stupid as h*ll governor who's just letting people die, probably bc he's got vested interests in wrestling (you know who LOL). I somehow have to transfer all my doctors over during a pandemic while I'm in a high risk group (obese and undiagnosed autoimmune disorder) in a state where wait times are already months (oh, and not knowing WHEN I'm going to move, because we have no timeline or dates).
I'm just freaking out, all the time. I even eliminated some things but it feels like I can't eliminate the rest.
Also thinking about it I have a bad anniversary date coming up so maybe that’s contributing to the panic??
Another thing to add sorry is that I had stuff planning to put myself out there and do writing workshops this week and have subsequently cancelled every single one and I’m really down on myself about. I’m going to try again when things aren’t so terrible externally so not terrible internally
They've been renovating my house for two months so I've had to focus while people are banging on everything for MONTHS now, trying to do projects, apply for jobs (since I basically lost my job too, but I have savings which is lucky), now unemployment for gig workers is up and I'm trying to figure that out too, and I've been trying to start to look at internships and careers etc and it's making me panic too. I could set that aside for a week or two, but I'm worried I won't be able to secure an internship and they'll all be gone (like they aren't already...most people are pulling them). I set aside three days in the future for doing absolutely nothing but resting. After that I'll start writing my next book.
I also have an impending move to a state with a stupid as h*ll governor who's just letting people die, probably bc he's got vested interests in wrestling (you know who LOL). I somehow have to transfer all my doctors over during a pandemic while I'm in a high risk group (obese and undiagnosed autoimmune disorder) in a state where wait times are already months (oh, and not knowing WHEN I'm going to move, because we have no timeline or dates).
I'm just freaking out, all the time. I even eliminated some things but it feels like I can't eliminate the rest.
Also thinking about it I have a bad anniversary date coming up so maybe that’s contributing to the panic??
Another thing to add sorry is that I had stuff planning to put myself out there and do writing workshops this week and have subsequently cancelled every single one and I’m really down on myself about. I’m going to try again when things aren’t so terrible externally so not terrible internally