Relationship partner inpatient; advice and support sought

Not open for further replies.


New Here
HI everyone,
I posted last month about my fiance going into a PTSD VA inpatient center. He has been there 10 days now and was thankfully permitted to bring his service dog. He is allowed visitors, which is wonderful, but it's two hours away. My kids and I went out to visit him last weekend and I am going back again this weekend. This is the first time he has dealt with his PTSD head-on, without self-medicating with alcohol.

He was a severe alcoholic until August 2021 when he crashed his truck with his kids in the car (no one was hurt but the truck). Very long and complicated story short: we had only been dating casually for two months and I had broke it off with him because I caught him cheating. When the accident happened, he called me for help. With my support, he went to rehab and hasn't had a drink since that night. Since rehab, we have worked very hard to fix ourselves and our relationship. He decided in December 2022 that he could no longer manage his PTSD and needed more help. His ex-wife was emotionally and physically abusive to him and would shame him for his PTSD and told him he was making things up, so the fact that he came to me and admitted his need for help was a big step. He had been struggling with PTSD alone and with alcohol since he left the Marines 15 years ago.

I am left holding down the fort here at home (my kids, our three remaining dogs, many cats, my job). Everything is stressful at the moment, finances especially. (His ex-wife wiped him out in the divorce because her lawyer created a sympathetic narrative the judge bought into. Their children's lawyer even tried to get custody permanently taken away from him because she said, "veterans with mental illnesses should not have their children". Thankfully, the local social services department did not agree to that extent and gave the judge a glowing review of my fiance's recovery journey. However, all of this compounded his already-complex PTSD.)

I am also dealing with a lot of trauma surrounding my childhood and my narcissistic family which I am estranged from (they have also caused him severe trauma). I am seeing a counselor once a week and a psychiatrist twice a month, who has diagnosed me with ADHD and helping with my meds. I am reading The PTSD Relationship by Diane England and picked up my cross stitch as a hobby again. My kids and I have a good relationship and their father (my ex-husband) is being very supportive at this time to help with the kids as well.

I'm not quite sure what I am posting for, maybe just to get this all out. I just feel incredibly alone. I miss him painfully. Despite all the issues and our faults, he is my person. I am marrying him for a reason. He was crying last night on video chat and said that he doesn't want to drag me down "into all this", and I told him it's my choice. I remind him of my support and my love. But times like today, he never texted me and when I said hello to him, he said he didn't know if he wanted to talk to me today or just have quiet. I took it hard, but I didn't express that to him. He has expressed in the past that he is scared this won't help, that he will never get better, never be ok. Never be happy again.

I guess if anyone has advice, experiences, or just support...I'd appreciate it. I feel very alone. I don't have family support. My sister-in-law checks in with me once in a while, but that's really it. Thanks for listening and reading.
Trauma therapy sucks. It’s not like other therapies where talking it out is cathartic and makes people feel better. It’s horrid and exhausting, and usually it’s worse before it’s better.

Don’t take it personally if he says he doesn’t want to talk to you… he probably doesn’t have the emotional energy to talk to anybody. He’s not singling you out, even if it feels like it.
Not open for further replies.