Partner of sufferer of CPTSD - Whilst I also have rejection trauma

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partnerofcptsd

Hi

I'm currently struggling immensely as my partner has CPTSD and trauma from childhood. He was emotionally and physcially abused and is currently being triggered by his CPTSD due to the time of the year. He's not messaging, withdrawing, not seeing me and not giving me any affection. I'm a wreck and can't stop crying as I have no idea when I'll next see him.

I love him to death and always try my hardest to support him but I've also got deep ridden rejection trauma myself and the space and distance is destroying me.

How do I cope with my rejection trauma and fear of him ending our relationship whilst he is suffering. I feel choked with fear and i'm sick of crying
 

Friday

Moderator
How do I cope with my rejection trauma and fear of him ending our relationship whilst he is suffering.
Do you also have PTSD, and rejection is a trigger/stressor for you, or is this coming from another disorder/condition?

((GAD or another anxiety disorder like Specific Phobia, Panic Disorder, Seperation Anxiety Disorder; OCD or another disorder with obsessive components like Autism Spectrum; BIpolar Disorder or ADHD causing massive dysregulated mood/action, intrusive thoughts, etc.; Borderline or another personality disorder… just to name a few off the top of my head where what you’re experiencing is totally normal (for the disorder) but would all have very different best coping mechanisms, both for you in this moment, and for the 2 of you long-term.))

my partner has CPTSD and trauma from childhood. He was emotionally and physcially abused and is currently being triggered by his CPTSD due to the time of the year.
Is this your first time together during this time of year, or is this year different than previous years in some way?
 

ComfortFood

New Here
I just wanted to share my experience, in the hopes that it helps you feel less alone. I have a very similar situation, I have been with my partner for many years and while I have relentlessly educated myself on her condition, learned her patterns of behavior, and acquired coping skills to help make her feel less triggered and safe, it has never gotten any easier when she completely shuts down communication, affection and her ability to empathize with my experience. It still hurts so much.

The most common pattern is that something I do to hurt her feelings will go unaddressed and begin to eat away at her, but she will refuse to share what, over the course of weeks she will shut down and pull back. When I try to initiate a conversation she feels attacked and triggered so I often go to bed with little closure or feelings of being heard. If it continues she will often completely cut me off, she will ask for space which sometimes is one day and others is weeks into a month.

I understand I have severe attachment issues and codependency, however it is just ingrained in my being to not give up on my loved ones. I have always been naturally inclined to love my friends and partners for the long term. Giving up when we haven't fought or because of her avoidance is very confusing. You feel like it is you that is breaking up with them when in reality their avoidance makes it impossible for you to function. Trying to find answers makes her feel attacked and she has a hard time maintaining any long term friendships with men or women and her family.

The lack of stability in how she perceives our relationship is also destabilizing. it leads to incredible sadness when she can reduce our entire relationship into something awful. Sometimes I feel so fulfilled and special in making our relationship work for, that I have gained her trust and love, for so long. Other days I feel she is happier alone and resents that I will not leave on my own. It is not easy, but I have learned this - The suffering and sacrifice that go along with having a partner with CPTSD is enormous, before opening yourself up to this long term, you should determine whether or not your partner has the capacity to work on their betterment for your sake. You shouldn't be the only one holding the relationship together. People like us equate suffering and sacrifice to the degree our love is valued and in this case, medically, and logically, there are real dangers for people with our dispositions. I hope your partner finds the help they need, and that you find the strength to have your needs met or move on if it's not possible.



Hi

I'm currently struggling immensely as my partner has CPTSD and trauma from childhood. He was emotionally and physcially abused and is currently being triggered by his CPTSD due to the time of the year. He's not messaging, withdrawing, not seeing me and not giving me any affection. I'm a wreck and can't stop crying as I have no idea when I'll next see him.

I love him to death and always try my hardest to support him but I've also got deep ridden rejection trauma myself and the space and distance is destroying me.

How do I cope with my rejection trauma and fear of him ending our relationship whilst he is suffering. I feel choked with fear and i'm sick of crying
 
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