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Death Pedestrian suicide has traumatised me

Thread starter #1
I have a dreadful fear of the dark especially being broken down in the middle of nowhere on my own In the dark.
however I was feeling unnerved on Tuesday early morning 2am when I had to drive two hours in the dark.
it was foggy and creepy and dark. I was concentrating so hard watching carefully and there through the fog right in front of me as I’m driving at a fair speed 70mph perhaps .... Through the fog there was a man braced in a crouched position in front of my car waiting to be hit at high speed. the impact was so hard he died instantly After sending him flying so far my windscreen came in as did bits of car and i was so terrified I skidded for so far I thought I was dead too but about 800 yards away the car conked out I wanted it to start so I could find a house. I was in sheer terror thinking the man would come back n get me in my scared head.

I eventually found phone and called for help. I stopped a truck that passes to come and help me check on the man in case he be alive and we slowly drove and eventually he was there I ran out to help and when I was standing beside him I could see the insides of his head at the back we’re all over the white lines on the road. his eyes wide open my screaming wouldn’t stop it was like vomit it wouldn’t stop. The man waitied to be hit While waiting for ambulance another truck came by and ran over him for a second time it was horrendous .

People tell me he is A selfish man but I don’t think that I feel so so sad for him to do what he did he was not in a position to think of me as a driver he just needed a way out and he got it. I am grieving so bad for someone I don’t know And am frightened and feel I will never past this and I can’t shut my eyes it’s only been three days but if anyone been thro similar please reply I’m alone with this even although I have lovely people n the best family and partner ... I want to meet his mum and find out about him While he was alive and about his life but for his mums sake that will have to wait. If anyone has any experince of such trauma please please say hello to me I’m desperate x thank you for reading x
 
#2
I understand. I’m so sorry you do.

You said this happened recently. Get into therapy sooner rather than later, if you can find a good therapist.

The images don’t go away, but they become tolerable. You make peace with it.

You grieving him is natural. And healthy.

Hearing you. ((hugs))
 
#3
I am so sorry for this having happened to you too, how horrendous.

I used to work in a photography shop that developed all the police photos for the police department. There was a suicide on the railroad tracks and I had to develop those photos. Needless to say, I had trouble sleeping for quite some time afterwards. I still get the creeps when I think of it. I was let go from that job which was a big relief. I have not worked in a photography studio since.

Good luck with all this. Let us know how your recovery goes.
 
#6
If you didn’t already have PTSD from earlier trauma? I very strongly recommend seeking support in your life. Trauma therapists are one of many great options (more in new link following); and not only work with people with PTSD, but all trauma & stressors related disorders, as well as those who’ve gone through a trauma and help them to process it / help prevent a disorder from arising; as well as to simply help / be a source of strength.). Traumatic resilience: avoiding ptsd to help lower your chances of getting it. The effects of trauma are normal immediately following a trauma, and as this was only Tuesday, getting help this early on, gives you the best possible chances.

If you had PTSD before the suicide? Ditto working with a great trauma therapist, but also this >>> The ptsd cup explanation
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
#9
hard to ever see us humans quite the same when you have seen the insides on the outside. But they are there, in all of us, an inside and an outside. Thats all you saw, something that is there and has always been there. It happened. You reacted.
So sorry this happened to you, you were a victim of things that had nothing to do with you, like the whole experience just kind of landed on you from a great height. How unfair, it has to feel like you are being used. Horribly.
As stated by many above, you should consider seeking guidance from a good counselor. Meanwhile, the images in your head are there but you can also call up images of smiling babies and wise old eyes and beautiful people doing beautiful things and all of us wishing this had not happened to you.
You didn't cause this. If you could make it not happen, you would. Thats enough to keep the title of good person by any measure.
 

Pepper360

Policy Enforcement
#10
Hi Tangerine, how are you doing today? Checking in with you. I remember the first month after trauma, being in total shock, with this video playing in my head over and over, never stopping. I was eventually able to fix the flashbacks when I found the right treatment. You'll get there. Keep going.
 
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