people don't understand I can't be social

[thursday]

I got invited by my sister and friend to go to a dinner. That's 2 different events. They know what's happened in my past. They also know I have cptsd.
I think people don't understand thar cptsd is a complex psychological illness. And it doesn't have a guide book that we or other people can follow.
In the past I lived in a communion. Now 1 person is more than enough for an hour. I go to them, so I have the control .
How do I make them understand that cptsd is not just a cold? And that the Nile is a very long river?

 

[Rose White]

Just say no thank you as it is polite of them to invite you.

 

[Movingforward10]

I agree with @Rose White . Cptsd doesn't mean you can never go for dinner with them. It doesn't have to mean the end of social engagements.

It's good you know what you can and can't deal with, and make plans around that.

Maybe say, thanks for the invite I can committ to that right now but I would like to see you for an hour doing x

You got people who care about you and want to spend time with you. That's precious.

 

[arfie]

hello thursday. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

personally, i don't see much value in other people understanding. it's a tasty treat when it happens, but healing is an inside job. only i can do it for me and it is **my** understanding which must lead the way. other people? ? ? those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.

meanwhile, it helps me on my healing journey to have places like this one where folks have some insider clues. hope it helps you, too.

welcome aboard.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I work hard at being more social. It hasn’t been easy but for years I avoided things because they were just too much for me. In my case my doc put me on buspirone to help with my emotional dysregulation and it really made social situations easier. I’m now enjoying them and I constantly seek out more challenging situations. I have always been introverted but now I can participate. Hang in there, it does get better.

 

[thursday]

Thanks for the reactions. I find it difficult to be assertive. And I also want to do things with other people. It is like there are 2 different sides in me. Yes perhaps go for a short while.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

There are easy ways to practice like when you are checking out in a store. Try to make and hold eye contact and smile, ask how the clerk’s day is going. I tend to be a bit shy when first meeting people so they end up getting the impression I am stand offish. I actually worked on this stuff in therapy as I knew it was all foreign to me. I have learned to just be me and relax. I always ask questions about their interests. I does get easier with practice.

 

[Friday]

I’ve been on both ends of the extreme as far as socializing goes. Easier than breathing, and not gonna fawking happen. As well as most places in between.

It’s less about the disorder, than where I personally happen to be, at that exact moment.

 

[Roland]

When this happens to me I usually blame it on being busy even though I'm not busy and purposefully keep it that way. My life has a delicate rhythm, I say no to what doesn't work for me. It keeps me sane.

People understand busy. They don't understand mentally ill. Frankly, I don't want them to know. There's only a select few people I talk candidly about my trauma and PTSD and subsequent day to day shit.

But also, what is it about socializing you can't do? Is the socializing or the environment? Would you like to spend time with these people but in a way that's more comfortable? Then you could decline politely and later invite them to do something you are comfortable with.

 

[whiteraven]

I used to have trouble saying no, too, so I lied. You know, "other plans," "busy," all kinds of things. I am now at the point where I can just say no (most of the time). Took me a long time, though. It can be really hard.

 

[thursday]

In a shop it are the sounds that overwhelm me. At a social event, I am afraid people get to close. I've built an invisible wall around me that keeps everyone at a safe distance. You talk about daily stuff and that's it. At the moment I'm unstable and am afraid to breakdown while other people are there. I talk like a robot about my past. But when I read about an invitation to meet for a cup of soup at the church., I broke down. Because I want to be social at times. I'm not going to tell those people about my cptsd. It is the friendliness and so on I can't handle. You'll better of talking to a stranger I mean.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I get it. I always had to have an escape plan. No was my default answer. Yet at the same time I felt very alone. If I went to a restaurant or shop there was always the risk of being overwhelmed and disoriented. Sometimes it was so bad that I could not speak. People speaking was just a jumble. Once I got this way and afterwards I felt a surge of adrenaline that I could not get rid of. I walked the neighborhood for 45 minutes to calm down. I thought, is this some sort of panic attack? Up to this point PTSD wasn’t even on the radar. My docs and everyone else thought my difficulties were related to a degenerative neurological condition I have. This surge of adrenaline convinced me there was a psychological component which was fantastic news to me. I could do something about it as opposed to a rotting brain. My gut told me it was some sort of anxiety but when I looked up anxiety it didn’t sound like what was going on. In my mind, anxiety is what you feel when your name is called in traffic court.

A little over a year ago I came up with an experiment. I took a pain pill and went to a Christmas concert with my wife. I was able to sit through the whole thing and really have a good time. I told my doc about it and he prescribed an antihistamine that is supposed to help with anxiety. It worked but 2 or 3 hours after taking it I was falling asleep. Five months ago I was prescribed Buspirone to help regulate my emotions and bingo, I could attend such events with no problem. I seek out such activities now. In therapy I have been making social interaction a priority. I work at it and it gets easier. I always carry a benzo with me at such events in case I get in trouble. So far I have not needed to take it. It is like a whole new world is opening up to me. I urge anyone who struggles like I have to work on this aspect. My life is so much fuller these days even with the issues with my marriage. I have confidence that I can do stuff that was out of my reach before. I worried with the marriage situation that I would not be able to build a new life for myself and now I am working on moving half way around the world with total confidence.