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People who criticize folks who are on disability?

Discussion in 'Employment, Education & Disability' started by anonymous, Apr 16, 2018.

  1. anonymous

    anonymous Forum Anonymity Premium Member

    Have you run into this at all? There is a person at my job who makes snide and resentful comments about "people on Disability" and criticizes the idea of Disability in general. This person says that all folks on it are on drugs, are lazy or some other derogatory statements similar to that.

    This person harps on this often, repeating these hateful statements every week or so, always when I am within earshot. This person knows I am on Disability and that I am the only person at my job who is.

    I work part-time at a very undemanding job, one that I am able to do, even though I am on Disability for both mental and physical reasons, though the physical is not evident by looking at me.

    I have on more than one occasion been accused of "faking it" to get my Disability. In essence, this person is also saying that, but going about it in a different manner.

    I try to ignore these statements, but it gets annoying after awhile. I don't say anything in response. I just wonder if some of the rest of you who are on Disability also go through this sort of thing?
    blackemerald1, Swift and shimmerz like this.
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  3. Mytime

    Mytime Well-Known Member

    I’m not on Disability myself. But I’ve had been around people who cut up or look down on stay at home mothers. Which I was.
    Next time she starts mouthing off, hand her your shoes, tell her to walk in them for a week, day. Then ask her why she on Disability. Or just save your proof and report her to her boss. Maybe she needs to experience consequences of running her mouth inappropriately.
  4. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    I’d just say “your passive aggressiveness is getting old. Do you have a problem with me? I assure you I’m not “faking it” given the 5” stack of medical documents that were submitted on my behalf by my various doctors. GOT IT? Good.”

  5. chris Ann

    chris Ann New Member

    Oh how I can relate. If people don't see a physical disability, they run their mouth, to make them feel better about themselves. I have PTSD, people don't see me waking up screaming from nightmares. They don't see me having flashbacks. They don't see me always taking meds. They don't see me laying curled up in the fetal position, crying, wanting to die.

    When people are judgemental, and don't know the truth, I say "don't let your sharp tongue, cut your own throat"

    My family have criticized me, I haven't seen any of them in over 10yrs. They never say How are you. They make nasty hurtful remarks. I have told them, when I'm dead, don't come to my funeral. If you cannot be kinder in life, don't cry fake tears in my death. My family is a nightmare. We can't pick our relatives, but we can, set boundaries. I don't believe all the hype "blood is thicker than water" that is crap. We are born in one family, but we can pick a new one.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2018
  6. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and they all stink. ;)

    Shrug. Never been a part of anything I can think of that at least some people haven’t violently disagreed with. Sometimes for legitimate reasons, a lot of the time for asinine ones. Mostly I tend to view it as a gift / a quick insight into their character / & count my blessings for another bullet dodged. IE They were kind enough to show me off the bat not to waste my time on them. It’s just so much easier to avoid idiots & assholes when they walk around carrying signs :sneaky:

    Cha. Or the self righteous Queen of the World types who think that THEIR medical records are sacrosanct, but that everyone else -who have already gone through the process of legally proving the disability to regulatory authorities- are somehow obligated to also prove to them that they “need” xyz, and aren’t scamming, etc. :rolleyes:.

    Again, though, I try to view them as a gift. Either someone to avoid, be amused by, or vent my spleen at ;)
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2018
  7. CdnCopper

    CdnCopper Active Member

    Its unfortunate and disheartening but some people have given invisible disabilities such as ptsd a real bad name.

    In my profession, policing, ptsd is a well known part of the job. Many of the "bad apples" that slip thru the screening process into this career, that they have no business being in, use ptsd like the common cold as their "get out of jail" card when they get caught abusing or misusing their authority.

    The problem of course is that although everyone knows the vast majority of these people are using it as a convenient excuse and no more have ptsd than they do the plague it is extremely difficult to find "experts" that will definitively call their bluff.

    So now the people that genuinely do have ptsd and come forward get grouped in with the other bunch.

    It's extremely frustrating and is one of the reasons I just kept my mouth shut.
  8. benoit1972

    benoit1972 New Member

    People’s perception and comments always pisses me off, however I always wonder how much of that is imaginary paranoia on my end. In the end I just see it as jealousy, most people think you should work until 62 or whatever and when they see people who appear able bodied their feeble understanding of behavioral health rears it ugly head.

    It’s hard, but I try not to let others influence or control my feelings or self image. All actions have reactions and there were specific orders of effect that put you in the situation your in. Likely you had zero or very little control over what pushed you to being unemployable...

    embrace it and enjoy your hopefully stress free time at home, I know I try. On another note this very perception is the reason I refuse to get a handicapped tag for my vehicles, at 45 years young I can still walk the extra 200 feet to the store and avoid the headache.
    Swift likes this.
  9. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack I'm a VIP

    Ok, I read the other comments, and I think everyone is getting this wrong. Explaining or rationalizing another person's hostility towards you serves you no purpose. They are harassing you and creating a hostile work environment that is interfering with you and creating replicative emotional barriers that right now go no where.

    I would file a formal grievance with your employer (or union rep), and then follow the process they suggest.
    blackemerald1, Swift and shimmerz like this.
  10. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Good point.

    File the grievance.

    This person is indeed creating a hostile workplace and is harassing you.
  11. Sophy

    Sophy Active Member Premium Member Donated

    When I chose to leave my abusive FOO, the abusiveness increased. It was like a classic stalker situation, where if a narcissistic/ abusive person is losing their "victim" they ramp up the abusiveness.

    I ended up having to go on disability while I was doing trauma therapy.

    Because the trauma and PTSD was so bad, it took quite a few years of trauma therapy (and disability) to get better.

    Throughout, I have experienced intense "shaming" by others about being on disability, including the people that work at the gov dept where I have to apply for disability payments.

    Most of the time this is not overt (although sometimes it is). Mostly it's subtle but still very shaming.

    Initially, on my PTSD journey, I bought into this and allowed myself to be shamed about it.

    I too felt ashamed for 1) my trauma 2) my PTSD 3) needing trauma therapy 4) being on disability.

    So I totally allowed everyone around me to shame me for it.

    This has been hugely detrimental for me on my healing journey, tho.

    Years later, I am now at the point where I am working part-time in a job that I like and am successful at, but still receiving part-payments of disability to supplement my income.

    I am still experiencing shaming about that by others, but I am so sick of it.

    Recently, I yelled/ ranted at 2 people at the gov dept that I have to apply to for my disability payments, that I thought it was disgusting that I was being shamed for going through trauma and PTSD and needing disability because of it.

    I yelled/ ranted that it was adding insult to injury and that I would not (no longer!) put up with it.

    That actually shut them up and they seemed embarrased and like someone had "caught them out" on their behaviour.

    I think this is me moving in the right direction on this.

    But I still have such a long way to go.

    I *AM* still ashamed of needing disability payments because of my trauma and PTSD.

    Rationally, I think that is crap/ untrue, but socially there is so much pressure/ shaming about this stuff that 99% of the time in my head I listen to the social shaming and not to what I know to be rationally true.

    For me, disability payments have been both a blessing and a curse.

    Without them, I would not have been able to leave my deeply abusive/ toxic/ dysfunctional FOO.

    Without them, I would not have been able to do trauma therapy.

    But they have also become a deep source of anxiety/ shame/ difficulty in and of themselves.

    I get suuuuuuuuuper triggered whenever I need to fill in paperwork/ go to the gov dept for appointments regarding my disability payments.

    So much so, that I have had 2 support centres, a social worker and even a lawyer helping me with this stuff, at times, when I have stopped coping with it myself.

    It's so bad that often I won't manage to face the paperwork/ appointments at all, because I am triggered beyond belief and having massive panic attacks, so I don't get paid my disability payments and try and make do without enough money to get by on.

    I currently have two support centres helping me with this stuff (it's not enough help, but certainly a lot better than no help) so at the moment, things are semi-semi-semi okay-ish re disability - not the intense nightmare it has been in the past.

    I need to keep making some more massive improvements to the situation tho. It has been a nightmare for years and I just can't cope with that anymore.

    And I am so sick of being shamed about it.
    berlinda, SpiritSong and Swift like this.
  12. Swift

    Swift I'm a VIP

    Argh. I'm sorry this is happening.
    I agree that there are two problems here...
    One is that this intercontinental-level asshat is actively discriminating against you at work, causing a hostile work environment because of your disability status, which is about seven kinds of illegal.
    Two is... general f*ckwits with these attitudes. I assume you're in the US, but here in Aus our welfare system basically provides a little to everyone unemployed, so getting benefits isn't the same as getting the disability benefit.
    I have two tricks. In the workplace I'm like, "excuse me, did I hear you correctly? It sounded a lot like you were making comments that discriminated against people with a disability." That usually gets people to shut up.
    Repeat "discrimination" or "hostile work environment to get them to shut up too.
    There's a quote by Stokely Carmichael about racism. I'm not intending to say that racism and disability discrimination are the same thing, nor am I claiming to understand what the experience of racism feels like.
    He says "if a white man wants to lynch me, that's his problem. If a white man has the power to lynch me, that's my problem."

    If these people want to think privately that people with disabilities or who are on disability are all lazy, worthless, conniving dole bludgers, that's their problem. If they want to run their mouths about it in public, or in front of someone who they know is on disability, that's our problem. I basically don't show any mercy. Jokingly, but sarcastically. I'm like "yeah, we should starve those who are physically inferior to you, you perfect specimen of humanity... Eugenics all the way!!! It's a great idea to call the bloke struggling with his disability, that you can't see and writhing from chronic pain lazy!!! I don't know why we don't just go to hospital wards and drag all the patients in the cancer ward out for an honest day's work! That'll show 'em!"
    Generally people go "that's not what I was saying"... I'm like "well it sounded a lot like it, dickhead..."
    Once again I wouldn't do that at work, but I can tell you it's remarkably effective.
  13. Sophy

    Sophy Active Member Premium Member Donated

    I am feeling very triggered by my disability paperwork, yet again.
    After 15 years you would think I'd gotten the hang of it, but no.
    I still feel like it's demeaning and like I have to "beg" for it.
    It feels no different from being a beggar in the street.
    There is no more dignity involved than that.
    I feel shamed by it.
    I need to make the shaming stop.
    When the ppl at the disability office try and bully me, I need to make it stop.
    They do it because they know I put up with it.
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