Perfectionist Supervisor

mynameisvictory

Not Active
Okay, so I've been working at my current job for about seven months. It is a workplace that does not seem to like new employees, it likes to keep things the way it is and has always been.

Also, I grew up in a family where you weren't visible unless you were really, really "terrible" or really, really "good." I felt like I couldn't make mistakes or else it would lead to losing love. I was terrified of my mistakes being seen, of making them.

Fast forward -- my problem is with my supervisor and one of my co-workers (they are besties). Oh, how they seem to love it when I make mistakes! That's pretty much the only time that my supervisor talks to me. She never says I've done anything right, but when I mess up -- it's a big production.

My coworker, for instance, sent me a like four-paragraph long email rant today (after not speaking to me for over a month due to us working from home) about how the folder he was looking for was in the drawer next to the drawer it should have been in (due to something I mis-typed in the computer).

Whenever I say I don't understand something, my supervisor just tells me to study the manual or look on a website. Whenever I try to join their conversation like the rest of the people I work with (to get to know my coworkers), these two look at me like I'm stupid or say something rude to me -- and I end up walking away.

I process a lot of paperwork, and I'd say that I maybe make one mistake for every 200 forms that I process. I'm a perfectionist myself when it comes to my work and very hard on myself -- I double-check and double-check, but still mess up. And it makes me feel horrible, but it makes me feel even worse when I get rants about my mistakes.

I have absolutely no problem with people pointing out my errors, but it just sucks when they feel a need to grind me into dust every time. I am never going to do this job flawlessly, and all they see are my flaws. I am constantly in fear of losing my job. It was working here that made me realize that I still needed my meds and to go to church, so that's the upside, but my anxiety is really not handling any of this well.

I really don't know how to cope with this -- I'm not good with brushing stuff off easily, it takes me time. I guess I just needed to put this out there. It's just like, how can you be this way? How would you feel if people treated you the way you're treating me? You love feeling like you have power over me, don't you?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
have absolutely no problem with people pointing out my errors, but it just sucks when they feel a need to grind me into dust every time. I am never going to do this job flawlessly, and all they see are my flaws.
If it helps - try and remember that the negative judgement coming from them is their own dysfunction - you aren't the cause of it, or the reason for it. You've clearly got a good grasp on the situation - you accept that nobody can do a perfect job of things 100% of the time, mistakes will get made.

Their reaction doesn't need to be your reality.

Easier said than done, I know.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Fast forward -- my problem is with my supervisor and one of my co-workers (they are besties). Oh, how they seem to love it when I make mistakes! That's pretty much the only time that my supervisor talks to me. She never says I've done anything right, but when I mess up -- it's a big production.

Your situation sounds exactly like my last job (which I resigned from a month ago). We had a manager and co-worker who were best friends. That was the underlying problem in many difficult situations there. That manager and the one prior both NEVER gave any sort of positive feedback; the only time we heard from her was when she was ripping us about something she thought we should do better.

Whenever I say I don't understand something, my supervisor just tells me to study the manual or look on a website. Whenever I try to join their conversation like the rest of the people I work with (to get to know my coworkers), these two look at me like I'm stupid or say something rude to me -- and I end up walking away.

I was in lower management and did all of the training. We had an extensive training program; I started telling new hires to check their manuals and look stuff up ONLY when they started asking the same question over and over again and didn't seem to be hearing me.

I have absolutely no problem with people pointing out my errors, but it just sucks when they feel a need to grind me into dust every time. I am never going to do this job flawlessly, and all they see are my flaws. I am constantly in fear of losing my job. It was working here that made me realize that I still needed my meds and to go to church, so that's the upside, but my anxiety is really not handling any of this well.

Yeah, I totally hear this. I took it for years and finally got up the courage to leave. Really bad timing, but no regrets!

The biggest thing I noticed was that I tended to take everything personally and, deep down, I was sure it was all my fault. I had a LOT of trouble coming to terms with the truth. When I finally did, I quit.

Wishing you more calm and peace at this job and a way to manage it all!
 
Top