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Had a T appointment recently and learned a new breathing technique. It’s a good one but will require practice to master because it’s triggering for me. I had not shared with my T that a part of one of my adventures involved repeat strangulation to the point of black out. (Not easy sharing that here either!)
I decided to send T an email to explain that the technique will prove to be challenging but I’d like to keep trying. Then I provided some detail on why....more than what I wrote here, so T could understand.

I never expect a response, nice when I get one. But there’s no expectation of anything. I got one but it’s clearly bothering me cuz I’m writing here to see what others perspective is. Likely my reaction is not accurate.

T wrote - thanks for the info
In response to my share.

I understand it is info, and helps T do a job. But I think I must want more than what feels like a cold reply to sharing a personal and painful piece of my past. I know I said I don’t expect anything from T, but is it ok to expect something in this case or is that asking too much?

For me it feels like what I shared doesn’t rate. That I over-shared unimportant details. That there’s no support for sharing something like that, just thanks and carry on.

My T is great, and we get along fine. So, yeah, probably me feeling sorry for myself!! Blah!
 
No, I think this is a perfectly normal reaction to getting an email like that. It DOES seem short and unhelpful for sure.

But on the other hand, I think your T may just have wanted to let you that they received the email. Some people get really uneasy when they send an email and don't hear back, because they wonder if the email was received at all.

From your T's perspective, it would be difficult to know what to say over email because words on a screen lack any context. They might have found in the past that it's just better to discuss any new information face to face.

I can almost guarantee that your T did not mean to be rude or cold but wanted to wait to discuss this pretty important information in an appropriate setting - in the office. But that doesn't mean your emotional response is unwarranted. It's definitely warranted. And it's worth talking about how you feel about it with your T.
 
I agree the response seems short and kind of abrupt. I email my therapist nearly every week. It’s just the best way we’ve found to get some stuff out so our progress doesn’t halt, some of his replies are short like that, some are lengthy and super helpful.

One time he commented on session to make sure I understood where he was coming from. As SRG said, so much is lost in emails and especially with sensitive subjects like that, talking in-person is much better. I am willing to bet your therapist just wanted you to know your email was received.

It might be good to have a conversation with your therapist to set an understanding on emails like you rules for during your appointments. It might help avoid any misunderstandings in the future
 
Thanks both of you for explaining that so succinctly! Clearly I wasn’t thinking this one out the way I can usually do.....cuz it hit a nerve and the memory. I didn’t even consider that so much gets lost in writing and it would be best to discuss in person.

If I think on that a bit more, I know that my comms skills are abysmal face to face when discussing things like this....so I’ve been allowed to write things out for my T. We never have a back and forth about what I write, it’s typically - thanks, keep working at it, good luck. So T has kept those rules with this and that’s proper.

I’m afraid to talk about more of it in person - and guess I was hoping that would be it. T could write: good for you to share that, it wasn’t a nice thing that happened to you. And it’s ok to have a bad memory of it. Done....move on. Damn I’m funny! Doesn’t work that way does it?!

Thanks so much for your perspectives!
 
Hey @Warrior Chicken - my psydoc must have a hard drive of my emails and I've probably got an A4 for all of the responses he's made.

Thanks for the info is good. Isn't rude, is acknowledgement & that's all. You are engaging in mind reading? Or interpreting four of his typed words as more or less. That's not ok & will trip you up. I've done too btw :rolleyes:

So when you next have your appointment, he's ahead of the game because he has info that prior to your email, he didn't. That's good - particularly if you are trialling a new technique and it is triggering you.
 
Yeah, mind reading for sure! And using all the negative noise in my head to interpret those 4 words. If I’m prepared that no one gives a shit, or any number of similar thought patterns I have that may just be defensive tactics....then I can distance myself from it.

That’s not healing. I know. I think I need the distance in order to keep functioning well. Or....maybe that’s a defensive tactic too!
Blah lol
 
I haven't read the prior responses nor updates yet, just the first post.

I think it's a text issue.
As in she cares a lot.
Will have so much to say, do, clarify, delineate boundaries, limits, tempo, stabilization... in person.

But not over text / mail I mean, text as writing.
It's not suitable medium for it.

But? She wanted to acknowledge both you reaching out, and the new information provided.

So texted the thank you.
While both chewing on it personally & professionally, and giving you space.

Ptsd brain answer? I totally get how it would feel all that. Not making a big deal outta nothing nor reading too much into nothing, emotions on heavy physical are too (hot, cold, numb, present, absent, vulnerable, volatile, sensitive, explosive, messy, blurry, jacked, unrecognizable, twisted, you name it) super normally.

A.k.a don't run for the hills yet ;)
This will prolly have a harmless and even helpful continuation.

You can always run for the hills later. ;) So save the good options yet.

Edited: And preemptive apologies if I got the gender of your T wrong rn / brain kinda jacked atm, so just mind the comment if anything and treat my 'she' as any applicable gender please.
 
What @Ronin said.

I can easily imagine getting a response like that from my T about something it was hard to share. He doesn't like to get too carried away responding to emails because he can't be sure how I'll respond to the response. (We've actually talked about this.) Personally, I hate being thought of as a victim, so I might not take an expression of empathy real well. (He doesn't go there very often, even though I know he big on empathy.) I'd take the response you got as an attempt to acknowledge the effort without pushing things too far, via a medium where you can't tell what's happening on the recipient's end.

You did good, BTW. And it's not you, feeling sorry for yourself either. I think it's mostly that it's hard to know how to respond to some stuff in writing, because you can't tell how it's being received.
 
Hey @Ronin you absolutely don’t need to preemptively apologize to me. I’m the one that kept gender out of the post!

You also made loads of sense to me despite having a jacked brain atm....thanks for taking time. That goes for everyone.

When you’re not used to asking for things from others, it’s a pleasant surprise when it turns out so nice.

I don’t have to run for the hills....didn’t feel like hill training today anyways!

Personally, I hate being thought of as a victim, so I might not take an expression of empathy real well.
T and I haven’t discussed this before, but I also hate being thought of as a victim, empathy to me sounds like pity. Maybe it’s worth setting out there with T.
 
I think as an adult version of most of us, you get that most therapists do not want to say much to email disclosure. What struck me though about your post is your initial feeling to the therpatist's slight.
I do not think you should rationalize that without owning it or processing it or finding a meaning.
That reaction was real and has a purpose.
But yes I agree the therapist not seeing your face or knowing your state of mind probably stayed safe to say I got the email.
Hope this is a helpful response
 
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