Relationship pfff!!! Gf left . i am ok, but in a world of confusion, and IDK...

lupechi

New Here
Me and my Gf /Ex of 13 years knowing her on and off in relationship. been going through a lot past few years … 3 years ago it started getting weird
her first episode when we move in together, after a year we were fighting, and one day she just and she broke all my item and left.

went to sleep in the car even after asking her to come get the place and ill paid the rent while i go crash at my parents.. she refuses

then later that year. she had got her place, started doing great , was happy for her, she was doing her things, and all of a sudden She was involved in multiple car crash and wrecks that result in total loss. the first one car flip she never made it to the hospital, because she assume she was okay, that was the beginning of it all where it starts to get worst.
Since then, She been acting real Strange with delusion and paranoia , and distortion of thoughts. calling the cop on me saying i had made multiple pages on Social Network to stalk her, i had no clue, what she was talking about. she then had another car crash where she wake up in the hospital , didn't know where she was, she claim she had die, her leg was mess up, i pick her up later that night at the hospital , still had distorted thought , she was release everything seems like it was clear.

Shes a fighter, i care as much for her, took her to her appointment office, she got a new car, working with her job but it keep on getting worst. then Covid happen, she went into panic left the job because she claim people came to the job were being sent after her . like she was being stalk, other people knew too much about her. she saw words and things like they were talking to her. since she couldn’t make ends meet later on that year after she quit , i notice she was one day on with me and another day off. i try best to keep a distance, because she never seems to remember. what she had done, she only saying why you acting weird, i was like i am good. just that, are you ok. she don't seem to remember much... she ask me to move back in with her the minutes I was going to because I delay i was going to pass on my apartment. she went to another state to be with her cousin and that didn’t work out, because she got in fight with her, felt threaten and she then went to tell me she coming back to me . Wasn’t my term I told her we need to see the doctor and therapy. it was bad idea for her to move back into our old place let me come to the other st and rent an apartment for her, and ill move up there. She always refuses but I always give her, her ways . which never work.

when she move back to our old place. the first 2 weeks it was all good, love, kissing, all good, then a week after she flip mood swing, i never forget, , she was like i am back in this place, i feel like ive been here before, i am an old soul, this is a trap. so i keep cool and try observing her.

i was inside working, one day she came home late
One night, it was raining i heard someone signing and talking outside it was her. she was drunk , irate saying some nasty things , and when i approach her she said to me , I’m not real, I’m fake this whole place is not real , this is trap , I’ve been here before etc . the just put me here, she already dead etc...

she had a bottle water full that had alcohol in it. took it from her pour it out. she went in , dead she started yelling about how she become angry and mad and furious punching me

telling me i am a pussy how , i know the truth i don't do anything about it, American this and that, she don't get pay cant get a job, struggling, using her, etc.. that they act like she need a degree when its her they need, shes the power source without her everything is over, when she ends it , all this will be ended. just alot of things.

while I try hold on to her to come down she wanted to get behind the wheel and go drive and I try to stop her. When she finally calm down I explain to her and she said I was lying and making this up. show her the record she just saying i was bothering her. you can only imagine how hard it was for me.

Fast forward 2 days later she didn’t come home , they next day , I got a call she want being held at the hospital she went to the hospital attack an officer vehicle saying i own your cars, etc...

got into a big scuffle with the officers as they try to help her out and they had to give her a sedative because she was spiting and cursing the nurse out. so they held her in for a weeks B.ACT

While in the process she was diagnose with PTSD, gave her Risperidone and sertraline when she got out she literally said I set the whole thing up and I beat her up and drop at the hospital because last she remember she was home and saw someone drag her out the car to beat her up. she went to work that day, it was a Friday night i went to hang with my friends to grab a drink since i was so stress full and i came home Never saw her. she lost a tooth, etc, i went furious went tot he police station request a P report. show it to her, she still did not believe it say its all a set up i set it up. she swear, wish karma on.

mind you i stay in another 8 months after incident just having compassion just keep searching for the old lover inside, at time fragment of her was there at another time something else. that was nasty cruel and nasty to me , just wanted to use money and make me take care of her.


I stick around as much as possible tryna help every day it was physically and verbal abuse she lost trust in me and we just started become more distance and distance . At time we had good days where we laugh talk etc .. she eventual said she didn’t feel safe , around me and I try so much to get her to believe that I was being genuine honest with her and what happen to her , I didn’t had anything to do with it . its not MY FAULT PEOPLE. SOMEDAYS I LOST IT MY SELF AND YELLED BACK, DEFEND MYSELF , told her she can go and leave if she want , i cant take it anymore.

well things came to an end late last month , she ask me for money to go find a place to leave , i told her find the place and ill do the rest.
she use to always tell me what other man can do for her, when they see her out what they promise her, cars etcc.. i told her , only if they knew what i was dealing with.
if i want her to stay , she would have multiple man. because i want multiple women too since i had cheated 7 years ago. etc. although she was in a whole relationship and we went to infidelity's but love over power us and we work and work.

well
She left , say she wasn’t available emotional , physically for a relationship, she wanted to get back to her old self. even when I told her it’s cool I only concern about you well being
She refusing therapy and never took the medicine they give her.

I couldn’t it force her to stay I just let her go
I didn’t want to enable her , but I don’t know its been 2 weeks not , if I should continue to check up on her
Because she did told me forget her existence

she has no family she talk to she always running away from facing her problems , all her closes friend don’t talk anymore because she had said some hurtful things to them and denies she said those things and they were making things up on her . She keep asking me to borrow money I told her no but days letter I decided to send her money on her account she was furious passive aggressive . about im messing with her because she needs money, i was just sincerely tryna help her out because she doesn't have a good stable job.

Text me next days letter to say sorry she let her anger get best for her .

She pushes everyone away I was the last one that bare all witness i saw all darkness , that was still around, i saw the good the bad and the ugly..

she ended running away, I stick to it all yet gain nothing after all but stressor . My own mental health . As been effected trying to refocus on ..

I don’t know if I should text her to make sure she good or just keep going and don’t reach out unless she reaches out .

She also talk suicide at times say she serve light and dark and said they use her blood to heal people they steal from her , she want to be paid. they should let her die.. she talk to her dead family members. ive been going through a lot. she want her private life, and just keep going, she feel like she should get any job work anything she want because she like this powerful being that everyone stole from and using.

Again sorry for lost post I started therapy 1 session down. . also i notice littles things she was not taking full shower, become less frequent, sometimes not brush, only use a rag. and sometimes not eat. even a house full of food, she said food aint going to keep me in this.

people please forgive me its been a tough 3 years and the last 8 months been hell. LIFE IS SO STRESSFUL

i don't know how others around her don't see whats happening, or they choose to ignore it and just say she drunk .
she don't remember what she do after she drink.

she also suffer with numbness, Hypokalemia the second time she went in last month they find her in the middle of the street yelling and irate and screaming and she didnt come home that nigh and she call me since i was suppose to flew out, shes at the hospital and she thing they might keep her around. when she not around me she talk to me better but when she around me she put the blame on me.


please forgive me .. i hope this get support.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
At this point in time you cannot be responsible for her. You’re not going to be able to help her or fix anything. She is either going to hurt you physically or she’s going to get you into legal trouble.

I would step WAAAAAAAAY back for your own protection. She needs serious treatment, and you can’t help with that. Any kind of relationship will fail while she is in this state.
 

lupechi

New Here
At this point in time you cannot be responsible for her. You’re not going to be able to help her or fix anything. She is either going to hurt you physically or she’s going to get you into legal trouble.

I would step WAAAAAAAAY back for your own protection. She needs serious treatment, and you can’t help with that. Any kind of relationship will fail while she is in this state.

Thank you for taking the time to read all my thoughts and things. I know it was a lot to read, probably was difficult as well.

Thanks for the advice, part of me want to check on her I’ve been battling thoughts 💭 for 2 weeks everyday it’s getting a bit better.

Thanks
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello lupechi. welcome to the forum.

forgive me for not being able to read your entire post. i kept getting flashbacks to the various psychotic breaks i have suffered over the 42 years i have known my husband. i often wonder if i can trust a man who is stupid enough to spend 42 years putting up with THAT. we have lived separately for more of those 42 years more than we have lived together. methinks the only reason he hasn't divorced me is that he hates lawyers even more than he hates shrinks. i mostly believe love is easier if i accept it as confusing by natural design and let the mystery be.

just venting en route to welcoming you aboard.
 
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