Sexual Assault Please help me, I don't know what to call this: rape? abuse? or nothing at all?

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Winterlove

I think I'll just try to start with what happened (sorry for the long text in advance).
My uncle visited me today because of the stuff that I forgot at his place. And I asked him if he could bring me a certain movie on a USB memory stick (San Andreas) since he had to come anyway. So, when he arrived, he entered my living room and placed the books and video games on my kitchen table. And then he hugged me and massaged my butt with his hands. I tried to get out of his grip and said "no“ but he grinned and pushed my pullover up and pulled my bra down. He lowered his head on my breasts and took them in his mouth. He bit and sucked them for quite a bit while he was ignoring my struggles and my „no‘s“ and „don‘ts“. When he finally loosened his grip, I freed myself and went to my bedroom to put those things (the book and the video games) down and to give him the phone case (I ordered the wrong size so I figured that I could give it to him because he sells stuff like that) but he followed me, pushed me onto my bed and laid himself on me with his full weight. I was having a hard time breathing so I tried to shove him off me but he didn‘t move an inch. He was dry humping me through our clothes for quite a while and didn‘t pay any attention to my whimpers, my „no‘s“ or my „stop“. I heard his moans in my ears and smelled his sweat. I just wanted to throw up at that moment. And then he sat up so he was sitting on my belly and started to massage and pinch my breasts again. A gasp of pain escaped my lips when he took it in his mouth and bit it. He grinned down on me and said „You like what I do to you“ I shook my head and whimpered another „stop“ but he pulled his penis out of his pants and started to jerk it off while he was watching me closely and his other hand was still massaging my breast. His hand moved over my body, down to my private parts and firmly rubbed me there for several seconds (still through my clothes). It really hurt because he wasn‘t being gentle at all. „You‘re so hot“ he said and when he saw that I attempted to crawl away he held me in place and said „don‘t move. I‘m allowed to suck, right?“ and with that, he lowered his head again and took my breast in his mouth. I whined another „no“. Several seconds later, he lifted up his head and was now jerking off with a faster pace. He was moaning and gasping things like „stay there, don‘t move, you‘re so hot“ and his hand found it‘s way to my breast again. I tried to shove his hand away from my breast but he snapped „remove your hands from there, or I‘m gonna spill my load over them“ He gave my breast one last painfully tight squeeze when he finally came. All over my belly. He cleaned up the mess on my belly with jj a tissue (I told him where they are) and then he grinned down on me „you‘re such a tease. But a very hot woman. Such a horny kitten“ And then I made him a coffee and he left after that.

I‘m feeling really bad right now. Almost as if I‘m on drugs...so dizzy and nauseous (we didn't drink anything together BEFORE this incident so it can't really be drugs why I'm feeling that way). I‘ve never felt more humiliated after my uncle‘s visits because I never actually had to feel his sperm on my body. But I kinda need to know what this was....was it rape..or was it nothing and I'm just being a sissy? I'm so very confused right now….
 
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Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
You were sexually assaulted. I am very sorry that happened to you. What you are feeling is normal after an experience like that. I really strongly encourage you to call a rape crisis line. I am not sure what country you live in. In the United States you can reach out to Rainn: RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

Do you have a therapist? What other support do you have? I am glad you found this group. Please keep talking here.
 
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Winterlove

You were sexually assaulted. I am very sorry that happened to you. What you are feeling is normal after an experience like that. I really strongly encourage you to call a rape crisis line. I am not sure what country you live in. In the United States you can reach out to Rainn: RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

Do you have a therapist? What other support do you have? I am glad you found this group. Please keep talking here.

Thanks for your response. I don't have a therapist or any other support. No friends and not a great relationship with my parents either.
I'm from Germany... but why should I call a rape crisis line when this "only" was sexual assault...?
 

Abstract

MyPTSD Pro
Hi winterlove,
in most countries rape involves penetration, either with a finger, object or penis. It differs a bit in different countries. But things that aren't rape can be sexual assault and can be illegal. This would be illegal. Him being family adds a different dimension too. Make sure to protect yourself and get help as sometimes peoples behaviours escalate.
 
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NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
It’s not “only sexual assault” its incredibly traumatic and violating. You very clearly said stop and he didn’t listen. I’m very worried for you because like abstract said people’s behaviour can escalate. Next time it might very well be rape. Get some support from somewhere. Rape crisis or something. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
There is no "only" about what happened to you. Just because the term rape *might* not technically apply, doesn't diminish the fact it was very damaging. As @NoWhereKnowWhere mentioned the fact it was your uncle adds another layer of potential trauma to your experience. Rape crisis lines will help people who have experienced sexual assault. Try not to get too caught up in the exact label. What matters is that you had a horrible experience and need help.

This is the crisis line for Germany
 
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