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Police investigations

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Sideways

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Over the last 2 days, I went through the process of giving a videoed statement to the police about my child abuse.

The guy responsible is (a) still alive (dang) and b) pretty bright. I'm actually anticipating that even though it's 20 years ago, he will have made a point of keeping some sort of evidence that it didn't happen, like a daily desk diary showing he was too incredibly busy and important to have time to sexually abuse kids.

Has anyone been through a similar process? If so, how do you manage the anxiety of waiting for the police to do their thing, and what sort of tips can you offer in terms of staying sane and not letting the ideas about what might happen turn you completely batty?

In my head, this doesn't end up at trial, and he doesn't actually end up even being charged. Partly that's my happy garden of denial, partly it's me doing the stats on these things...!
 
There comes a point where you have done all you can do to prevent others from being victimized. Having the courage to report what happened to you is huge. If there are other victims in the future, it isn't fair to yourself to carry that responsibility because you reported what happened to you and that's all you can do. That will give you inner peace. It is the heavy duty and responsibility of everyone in the legal system to do their job in order protect people without violating their rights.

Being able to testify in the cases that went through the legal system wasn't easy, but gave me my voice back and protected future victims.

It's not your job to worry about collecting the evidence, it's your job to do what you can to fully heal and then share your testimony.
 
@She Cat - thank you. Honestly, the reason I went through with it was because I've tried to use sheer willpower to make myself start to believe "I'm worth this" for about 7 years - nothing! So I decided to start behaving like maybe I'm worth it, like maybe what he did was really wrong and I didn't deaerve it.

That made the whole process pretty surreal. My pdoc has confronted my trauma bonding issues with me, and I could hear myself defending him even as I was giving the statement, so it was pretty weird.

But actually, it's probably been the most effective thing I've done to make myself feel like I deserved better. Pretty traumatic way of dealing with those issues (!) but yeah, ever since it was done I've had (finally) a little voice in my head saying "You did good lady, you did this for you. And that's good."

That voice is frequently swamped by sheer panic, because I really haven't thought ahead about what comes next. It never really occurred to me that the police would take me seriously and actually investigate. It was like a goal, getting the statement done, and beyond that I was reassuring myself it would all be over and done with - cue trumpets and street parades celebrating my new post-basketcase life...

Reality? How do I cope when the lovely cop lady calls to tell me what happens next? Urgh! I have no idea!
 
@Ragdoll Circus You should be so proud of yourself. The sheer will to walk into that situation after that length of time is just a testament that YES, damn it! You ARE WORTH it

When the lady cop calls and says %^%^%+**^%<. You take it one step at a time and you ask for some additional help!!!!!

Again, you are worth it, and so much more than you will ever know. And thank you, for being the voice that so many of us never had!!!!
 
You did it. It is real. You showed courgage you didn't know you had. And it's out of your hands now.... one day at a time, one minute at a time, and try your best not to project what may or may not happen.... or allow yourself 20 minutes a day to do that, and then do this new life...... you never deserved it... and you don't know how many are going to step forward now, so it doesn't make any damned difference what he has down in his appt. book.... no telling how many you have set free to come forward.... if that happens, I feel you are going to be more and more proud of what you did....

You know I love you. And didn't think I could be any prouder of you, but I am... lots of love and respect to you my friend.
 
I went through just a very minor incident. Many years ago I got a restraining order against my primary abuser, my mom, who kept calling and threatening me after my brother killed himself. I had to come out of hiding to take care of things following his death and that's how she found me.

I guess I underestimated how traumatized I would be with her sitting there in the room with me. And she hired a lawyer to fight the order (strangely). The lawyer brought up mean-spirited things to embarrass me. I did get the order, but I was so thrown that I forgot to mention lots of things that would have helped me, such as her hitting me in front of police officers and the officers didn't do anything, her other physical abuse, her animal abuse, her drug problems.

What I wish I had done was prepare notes for myself and go over them as if I were preparing for a test. Not just depend on my personal memory. Maybe even tell myself that if I feel thrown I will say this particular thing to help me get going, and if I feel comfortable I will say things in another way?

She did pretty much leave me alone after that.
 
@Gamera3000 - I went in with dot points! If it ends up in court (please no!) the video is my evidence in chief, so I don't have to tell it all again, and since I can only be cross-examined on limited stuff, I wanted to make sure I stuck to key facts.

There's simply no way I could've gone in and just talked. I've never had to explain the whole lot in one hit before, and as soon as I started going into detail, I was getting caught in flashbacks and starting to dissociate, so a lot got left out.

I think I'm ok with that. It's obvious from my statement that there was a lot went on, but I've given them enough detail on enough stuff that they could lay some pretty nasty charges. I don't know how you could ever really tell the whole lot short of writing a book, and once you throw in the stress of the situation itself - with police and questions and cameras - it's a bit of a miracle that anything coherent comes out of your mouth at all, you know? Even with a trusted T it's pretty darn hard to talk about without going to pieces.

So good on you with your mum. Hollywood would like us to think that it's just a case of sitting down with some empathetic cop and saying it all with a few tears here and there. Hehe, the coffee was stereotypically awful, but beyond that? The whole thing is just an impossible task that you do the best you can with.
 
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