Orangesfrompears
Learning
Hey everyone, I’ve so appreciated this forum in the past. I’d like to express, vent, bleuuugh. A unique situation... I am polyamorous (which means being involved with more than one person) and currently have two partners both with a past that involves CSA, and both that exhibit signs of PTSD. I went through a long period last year with one person who shutdown for a few months... I battled and won (and he very much battled and won too) and at the moment he’s in a good space, but currently living a long distance away, so I don’t get to see him. About 3 months ago, I got involved with another person.. I had no idea at the time that they had a past and similar behaviours that the first partner had (indeed I was celebrating finding someone who seemed so healthy!) but now.... here I am again... they (I say they because this person is non binary) has shutdown mostly.. Doesn’t want to connect with me...has gone through a period of push and pull and just turned me upside down with it all...
And you’d think (hope??) that doing a poly lifestyle would make it more bearable when a sufferer needs to self soothe. But .... still it breaks my little heart, And the thing is, if it wasn’t for the first partner, I wouldn’t have so much of a clue how to deal with this or what’s going on. So there is that gift. And what messy dynamic have I created with two partners who both have PTSD ... and honestly honestly.... it was all about romance and wonderful stuff when I began both relationships. On a brighter side.... I have just begun dating someone who (at the moment!!! doesn’t appear to have the same issues) so this is some relief.
Anyhow, the moral of the story could be.... try polyamory so you get your needs met when your partner shuts down. But in my case, wtf... As an aside... I also work in the field of sexual violence.... so basically I’m surrounded! (But very knowledgeable!! at least!)
And you’d think (hope??) that doing a poly lifestyle would make it more bearable when a sufferer needs to self soothe. But .... still it breaks my little heart, And the thing is, if it wasn’t for the first partner, I wouldn’t have so much of a clue how to deal with this or what’s going on. So there is that gift. And what messy dynamic have I created with two partners who both have PTSD ... and honestly honestly.... it was all about romance and wonderful stuff when I began both relationships. On a brighter side.... I have just begun dating someone who (at the moment!!! doesn’t appear to have the same issues) so this is some relief.
Anyhow, the moral of the story could be.... try polyamory so you get your needs met when your partner shuts down. But in my case, wtf... As an aside... I also work in the field of sexual violence.... so basically I’m surrounded! (But very knowledgeable!! at least!)