Possible but not likely

Drella

New Here
Hi there,
I find it challenging to reconcile the intimate knowledge that crime is possible, since I've already experienced it and have the sensory memory of it, and the fact that it might not be the only possible interpretation of an event. I am hypervigilant, possibly to the point of paranoia sometimes, because I think that if there is even the smallest chance that the stimuli my brain is receiving is life threatening, I should react as if it was to be on the safe side. But ironically, doing so can itself endanger me.
I don't know how to change my thinking about this. How to assess coldly every possible interpretations of the situation instead of defaulting to the worse one and expecting pessimism to save my life.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello drella. welcome to the forum.

I don't know how to change my thinking about this. How to assess coldly every possible interpretations of the situation instead of defaulting to the worse one and expecting pessimism to save my life.

are you in formal psychotherapy now?

the bulk of my own formal psychotherapy happened before the ptsd dx and it's myriad of sub-dx'es were formalized in the late 90's and early 21st century. my first formal psych dx in the 70's was, "trauma induced amnesia." during that therapy, i was strongly counseled to avoid this pass-time, altogether, because emerging memories are extremely vulnerable to power of suggestion. attempts to "...assess coldly every possible interpretation..." were a guarantee of "self-gaslighting." i was counseled/trained to let the memories with as little evaluation, etc., as possible. my own traumas transpired in a coast-to-coast freak show which makes proof of any of it unavailable. i can barely prove where the events happened, much less positive id of any of the perps, etc. every possible interpretation had already been haunting my dreams far enough that **knowing** fact from fiction is somewhere between difficult and impossible in any event.

i "graduated" to therapy maintenance around 2k when the ptsd theories and that myriad of off-shoots were being formalized. my childhood memories remain an unsafe neighborhood to travel alone. when i have to *go there*, i take a travelling companion to help me with reality checks, etc. trained psychotherapists were my best travelling companions during my first reconnaissance missions into those psychic war zones. these days i lean heavily on my trusted peer supporters when i MUST go there, but my head remains an unsafe neighborhood to travel alone. i still go for the safety of numbers.

dunno if i am making sense or not. . . i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard. gentle support while you find your way through.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Hi there,
I find it challenging to reconcile the intimate knowledge that crime is possible, since I've already experienced it and have the sensory memory of it, and the fact that it might not be the only possible interpretation of an event. I am hypervigilant, possibly to the point of paranoia sometimes, because I think that if there is even the smallest chance that the stimuli my brain is receiving is life threatening, I should react as if it was to be on the safe side. But ironically, doing so can itself endanger me.
I don't know how to change my thinking about this. How to assess coldly every possible interpretations of the situation instead of defaulting to the worse one and expecting pessimism to save my life.
The way I'm learning to reduce the hypervigilence and assumption something traumatic will happen again is moving from seeing myself as a victim to seeing myself as a regular person. Don't know if that reasonates for you. But realising that I am not innately vulnerable and therefore it being a given that trauma will happen again, and that I will have no power in stopping it, has been a massive revelation. Freeing.

Hope you find a path to reduce this level of stress and worry.
 

Friday

Moderator
I don't know how to change my thinking about this. How to assess coldly every possible interpretations of the situation instead of defaulting to the worse one and expecting pessimism to save my life.
Practice.

It’s exhausting in the beginning, and I can only do it in short bursts. But over time instincts retrain, and I can trust my own unconscious judgment of the situation without having to break it down manually.
 
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