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Possible ptsd from school

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Possible PTSD

In gonna start by saying i’m 13 and going into 8th grade, i’m in special ed classes with only up to 10 kids for most of my classes.

The teacher for the small group classes was AWFUL. She was a rude, awful old woman who had no respect for anyone but herself. She would purposely trigger my anxiety so she could yell at me for crying and she always favored this one kid who threatened to sue me for pissing him off and even pushed me in a wall for an argument once. Many incidents occurred with this woman. She would threaten me, make up lies to my mom during the parent teacher meetings, scream at me for no reason and she even denied me access to things that were on my IEP.

One incident that happened, not involving her but still involves the school is one i’ll never forget.

The schedule for this day had been out of order, so i didn’t know what class to go to. I went to another special ed teachers classroom (not the mean one) and waited outside her room for her to come back so I could ask her where to go, apparently while I was patiently waiting, the teacher for the class I was supposed to go to had called BOTH ASSISTANT principals on me, keep in mind the school knows I have a fear of high authority. I’ve been afraid of principals/assistant principals ever since Kindergarten and I made it VERY clear to the school that I would get absolutely terrified if one was called on me. Especially a particularly mean one who happened to be called that day. He accused me of “skipping class” and called me “disrespectful” when I tried to defend myself. They took me to one of their offices, where I ended up having a panic attack outside the door. One of them had the nerve to tell me to “shut up” while I was crying. He had tried to force me to admit that I was skipping class when I very much wasn’t, which led to the other assistant principal saying “well if you aren’t wiling to admit it I guess you can spend your lunchtime in here doing extra work” which led to the panic attack getting worse. big surprise, I was told to shut up again. I ended up falsely admitting to get out of that situation since I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Another situation was with the sped teacher I had mentioned earlier getting into an argument with me.

It had been the last class of the day, since this was so long ago I forget most of what happened. But an argument had arose about the favorite kid of the class, who caused major problems for everyone else. I complained saying that this was one of the many reasons I hated being at that school. Which she responded by making fun of me. She stomped around the class room mimicking my voice saying “I hate this school! I hate my teachers! I hate my life!” and also saying “Maybe if you weren’t such a negative nancy you wouldn’t hate your life so much” which was completely inappropriate of her.

The last thing.
I had always carried my phone with me as a way to ease my anxiety, knowing I could go to the bathroom and call my mom if an issue happened, one day an issue happened where a teacher found out and had a male teacher follow me to the bathroom which scared me so badly that I just stood outside the bathroom door. That teacher told the assistant principal, the female one who i’m also not a big fan of. She told me I had to keep my phone at home which I said was not an option. My family makes it very clear that i HAVE to take my phone to school with me for safety reasons and I also prefer to have it with me. She then started saying I could keep it with her. Which I did not trust as she had broken my friends phone before and refused to pay when her parents requested she give them the money to buy her a new one. I’m not trying to brag but I do have the iPhone X, I paid with my own 1000$ and I’m NOT trusting someone with a phone breaking history with something that expensive. She then said that I could leave it in the office. Which was also a no as students sneak into the office and steal phones that are left there. She started getting VERY pissed at me, yelling and calling me disrespectful. Another one of my anxiety triggers is being yelled at and I know for a FACT that she knew that. She started asking personal questions that I was FORCED to answer, or I would get detention. She asked who paid my phone bill, when I answered that it was my mom who paid the phone bill she yelled at me and said “So it’s your moms phone, NOT YOURS! So you can’t tell me that I can’t make you leave it here”
When I tried to tell her that I paid for the phone itself she told me to shut up.

This school had caused SO many problems for me. I started making myself throw up at home to avoid going to school. I missed so many days they called the police on me once which made the anxiety so much worse. The teachers and administrators at this school make me feel absolutely powerless. I feel like a hostage at this school. If i try and defend myself they call me “disrespectful” and tell me to shut up. If I do so much as not agree with their opinion i’ll be threatened a detention or kept in the room until I say their opinon is right. The anxiety has gotten so bad where I have panic attacks about school ON THE WEEKENDS! Even driving by the school in the summer or on weekends causes me extreme anxiety, and walking into the building to attend school is a nightmare. I have nightmares about this school all the time, most of them being about going there nextel year for 8th grade. My mom has tried to get a therapist but the process is extremely slow so as of now i’m on my own. I really need help as I don’t know if this is extreme anxiety or PTSD. and if it does happen to be PTSD, would it make sense to ask my mom to sue the school for causing my life to become a living hell. Thank you for your time and I hope you all have great days!
 
I am sorry that you are struggling with anxiety! It seems to be a more and more common condition with students. Suing the school in this situation will get you nowhere. I can’t go into a grocery store and sue it because I have anxiety and it causes me to feel terrified to shop and have people come near me. If my civil rights are violated, maybe? However, Schools don’t work that way. The best route would be for your mom to schedule a meeting and if you are diagnosed with something, add it to your folder. It would then be worked into your 504. Another thing that you could possibly work on to prepare for a new year is how to self sooth and calm down when you feel afraid, threatened or angry. Perhaps, imagine that you are in a safe place and then tap left and right on your body. Try breathing in through your fingers into your arms or breathe low into your stomach imagining a color or light entering you and then exhale your fears. When I am just a little bit anxious I will notice my finger is tapping a repeated pattern which is soothing to me. I hope you do get into therapy. I believe she would be able to give you more tools to calm yourself to feel safe and help you to handle being in school and dealing with authority. Good luck on a fresh new start next year!
 
I’m sorry you are struggling. I’m super glad your mom is connecting you with a therapist and I hope that gets sorted out soon.

No one here can diagnose you, and self diagnosis via internet is something to avoid.

That being said, from what you have posted, it doesn’t seem likely to be PTSD. What you describe simply doesn’t line up in both experiences and symptoms. That’s very good news. PTSD is incurable, while some of the anxiety you are having may be much easier to resolve and treat. That’s not to minimize your distress at all, anxiety is miserable and hard to endure, and one doesn’t have to have PTSD to be struggling and need a little support to help this next school year get off on the right foot and go well. Most of all, your therapist will be able to help sort this out with you the best.

I wish you luck in your next school year!
 
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This school had caused SO many problems for me. I started making myself throw up at home to avoid going to school. I missed so many days they called the police on me once which made the anxiety so much worse...The anxiety has gotten so bad where I have panic attacks about school ON THE WEEKENDS!...My mom has tried to get a therapist but the process is extremely slow
School can be a sinkhole, full of all sorts of problems. Some kids have a much, much harder time of it than others, and it sounds like you fall into that category. I want to tell you that first - your anxiety is real, and you deserve to get help with it. The really good news is, it's something you can absolutely wok on and get relief from - and, attacking it as young as you are, you'll really be giving yourself some great tools that will be with you you whole life.

So while it really sucks that you are going through this - it's also great that you aren both aware of it, and looking for help.

Getting a therapist is a high priority.

I read some of your chat transcript from last night - don't be confused by the gap between therapists who will take clients up to 12 years old, and then who will take 14 year olds. From your writing level and self-awareness, I'd recommend that you/your mom just start contacting those who take 14 and up. Look for someone who specializes in anxiety, ADHD, and young adult issues.

If your ADHD is diagnosed and you are taking medication, you/your mom can talk to your psychiatrist and ask them for some referrals.

I'm very familiar with the city you said you live outside of, and totally understand why your mom doesn't want to drive into it. But, taking the train together might be an option...the train system is good.

You are close to a couple of major mental health research centers and higher-ed schools - there are going to be options for treatment, and you and your mom just need to not get discouraged. Keep looking. Get referrals. You'll get someone. It is definitely a slow process, but don't give up, it will be worth it.
as of now i’m on my own. I really need help as I don’t know if this is extreme anxiety or PTSD.
We aren't doctors, but I'm gonna go out on a limb: it's not PTSD.

Anxiety is actually a severe condition. What you describe is anxiety - you don't even need to call it severe anxiety, and thinking of it that way can contribute to you feeling more anxious. I am not downplaying what you are experiencing. What I hope you can take away from this statement is that anxiety itself is a debilitating condition. Anxiety does not mean 'nervous'. And what you describe, especially with the vomiting to avoid school and the nightmares, really speaks to the anxiety that I'd expect you'd be diagnosed with.
if it does happen to be PTSD, would it make sense to ask my mom to sue the school for causing my life to become a living hell.
No, absolutely not. Like I said, I truly don't think you have PTSD from your school experiences. Moreover, I think it's potentially problematic for you to even entertain the notion. I am strongly encouraging you to not get distracted by the idea of PTSD, in your case.

You mentioned what your mom does, on the chat. And being in that profession, she's going to be not entirely clueless about some of what you are dealing with. She's also probably often tired and overwhelmed. The more you and she can be teammates in finding you the right therapist, the sooner you will be on the road towards less suffering. And then you can deal with things about how the school handles your IEP...it sounds like they are not altogether awesome about it.

I really hope this info helps, and wish you all the best. I'm also going to lock this thread, because this site is PTSD-oriented, and too many things about it are different from what you are dealing with. If you search our site for breathing techniques, anxiety management, stuff like that - you'll find some useful tools.
 
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