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Posting As A Carer And Sufferer - Healing My Son

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by becvan, Sep 10, 2007.

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  1. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    I figured I would put this here, as it's about my son. (for those of you confused.. I have PTSD and so does my 12 year old son.. )

    I'm feeling very frustrated with the school right now. The therapist wants Matt to do school work at home for the next month until all the assessments are in place, so that they can create a transition plan for school.

    Well the school is giving me a hell of a run around. They want a fax from the therapist outlining doing school work at home, then they will forward it to some guy that does the home schooling, then they will devise a plan for it, then they will send home work.

    Well shit it's only a month here people. By the time they get all their stupid paperwork done, Matt will be starting his transition plan!

    I'm a little peeved off about it.

    I'm also quite worried that Matt will end up so far behind that they will hold him back a year and I just can't see how that is going to help matters in any way.

    Maybe I am worrying too much?

    I'm also nervous about our duel therapies. Although I handle it well (considering) I have to go on heavy duty meds while Matt is in therapy, as I trigger him when I rage or get stressed. So my therapy is going to be rather slow when I'll be drugged to the hilt. But I'm afraid of refusing because they could push to have him removed otherwise.

    So now I'm worried about that.. and if I'm so heavily drugged, will I be able to be a good mom to him?

    Ugh.. there are issues piling up here! I guess I just need a little.. it will be fine, from the carer point of view. I know that our situation is very unique.. but.. I think this fit's in here for now.

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  3. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

    Oh dear. That is a lot to deal with all at once Bec. I have earmarked this thread for tomorrow, as I want to think about what to say to you, and also we are going into the recovery room to see Evie in a few minutes. If you wish a quick "everything will be fine", I can offer that as well. :wink: I view you as a strong determined person, and I am confident it will all work out for you and Matt. More tomorrow, take care and have a good night!
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Thanks Kathy, I'm off to bed myself since I didn't sleep much last night. I look forward to a more in depth answer.

    Enjoy your visit! and thanks so much...

  5. ryair

    ryair Active Member

    Hi Bec,
    As a mother, sometimes we are faced with great personal sacrifice for our children. I will answer as only a mother, although I fully comprehend your struggle to cope with being both a sufferer and a carer.
    You seem very willing to take this path for your child.As a mother who has done the same, I commend and applaude you.
    For my own sacrifice....well,
    It took a huge physical toll, and ultimately four hours of surgery to repair the damage my ex husband caused me. I had to relocate my children and it took a further three weeks after the damage had been done until I was able to have surgery. My reasons for this was so my kids never knew what had happened. They still have a very good relationship with their father. No child should ever have that kind of burden placed on them. As far as I was concerned, right or wrong, I would protect my kids mental health at all costs. It is hard enough being an adult, and dealing with life, let alone facing the horrors and being a child.
    For all that has happened in our personal lives, parents will always do their utmost to protect their children and save them from the pain we intimately know and feel.
    Once again, I commend you. You have already done the "right" thing for your child. You have placed his needs above your own. In the end, you will take strength from that and move to further heal yourself.
    You are amazing.
    Ryair xxxxxxxx
    P.S. Ex was not Tonka
  6. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

    Hi Bec

    I don't have any real experience to offer you but my thoughts are with you and Matt. I think what you are trying to achieve for Matt is remarkable and I commend you.
  7. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Thanks Everyone.

    I've been good at talking about what is stressing me, except for Matt. I realized yesterday that I'm just letting my fears and my struggles with being his carer eat at me.

    I am not superwoman and I do need support (self mantra.)

    Ryair: Wow. Your very strong and determined yourself! (I kinda figured it wasn't Tonka! lol as you said Ex.. hehe)

    ugh I have no words right now.. just thanks for listening and understanding....

  8. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Matt's Assessment

    Matt's therapist called this afternoon. They (his therapist along with the psychiatrist) would like to hospitalize Matt for three weeks for a full physical and mental assessment.

    They would be doing MRI's, CAT scans, EEG's, blood work, along with all the Mental Health assessments.

    They would just be putting him on an adolescent ward in the hospital.. not a mental health ward.

    Needless to say, I didn't react well to it. So his therapist is calling back tomorrow so that I can try to digest this.

    I had to have Ryan talk to Matt about it.. as I've been bawling since 2. Matt is all for it. Ryan feels it's positive and that they probably also want to separate us since we trigger each other.

    (basically Ryan came whipping over and talked to Matt for me.. and reminded me to take an Ativan... I'm still freaking crying...)

    I've barely been apart from Matt for more than a night. This is so hard.. what the hell am I going to do without him here?

    I'm so worried. Is this positive? Is it negative? What if he freaks out? Will they drug him? What if they decide he needs a residential program and want him to go there? (the RP is long term.. like a group home for teens with issues.)

    I need you guys to give some input here. As with PTSD and being a very over-protective mom, I'm not thinking too clearly. And I want what is best for him.. not for me.

  9. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    bec...I wish I had words of wisdom for you or that we were a bit closer. i feel for you right now.
    All of the tests seem like a good thing.....to find out exactly how they can help him...I think. It is very good that Matt is "all for it" and you also have all of our support and Ryan as well now...that is positive.
    I am sorry that you guys trigger each other, that must be so hard. I truly know how it feels to not feel in control of things with your child but at least they are trying to get him really good care...right?
    You mentioned how upset you are.......you will be Ok without him...you can do this....look how much you have endured and survived up until today. You don't know if the residential program will even be an option at this point...right? I know i can say it and I realize, easier said than done but deal with it if and when the time comes. I think the fact that there seems to be a heck of a lot more positive support in your life is a good thing and Matt will get the proper treatment he deserves so that you both can heal. You did not cause this and it is not your fault, I hope you know that. Bottom line...you DO only want what is best for him and you are doing everything you can, including moving to get the proper treatment....maybe it will be beneficial for the both of you! You can visit him too, right.
    i think it is positive...just research the facility ( I am sure you have already ) to help you also feel safe and secure with your decision. I hope this helped a bit. Take Care!
  10. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+


    Right now emotions are running on high.....This is all new for you and Matt. Calm down, breath deep. I know you really want to just scream, but it won't help you, or Matt right now.

    I am going to say something that you might not like, so I am warning you up front.......

    This isn't about you right now, it's about Matt. It's his time.

    Is being hospitalized the right thing or the wrong thing????? I agree with Pandora, the test are a good thing, and maybe being apart might help the both of you, I don't know just grasping for answers right now.

    Bec all I can say is this.....I feel for you right now, and I hear the pain.....Think about this.....He is young yet, and if he can get a grip on the PTSD now, he won't have to have it hit him later on in life. Let him learn the tools now that he will always have so that he can live a life better than what we have had....

    I am so sorry that this has happened, but it may be one of those blessings in disguise too..

    Research the hospital, and ask tons of questions......


  11. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Please read the above quote from myself.. I'm quite sure I know who this is about.. thank you.

    Also, please do not tell me what I want to do.. as it's crying and not screaming. Mind reading and assuming gets us into all sorts of trouble.

    Now.. Well Ryan and Nic both feel that it is a good thing. Neither are worried about Matt, they are worried about me. So I need to work out a plan for myself while Matt is in there.

    And I DO need to discuss the emotions I feel behind all of this, as I'm a sufferer too and if I don't talk about it.. it's going to affect my ability to reason all this out and make the best decision possible for Matt.

    Thank you both of you.. I'm hearing repeatedly that this sounds like a good thing. I've already arranged to ask my questions, so I've got that covered. I just need to relax about it right now.. haha

    BTW: I have a new respect for the carers that have had to deal with hospitalizing their loved ones. What a scary and emotional task this is. You all make it look a lot easier than it really is.

  12. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

    I must apologize Bec; I am still not prepared to give you as detailed an answer as I wished to. Jim and I spent most of the day at the hopital with Evie, and now I am struggling with a very slow internet connection. So I will make this brief once again and hopefully answer more in depth tomorrow.

    Matt having a hospitalized assessment is a marvelous opportunity for him, especially considering the usual wait times for tests such as MRIs. I am pleased they are taking his case so seriously.

    That being said though, I fully understand your trepidation. It is indeed extremely difficult to have a child or other loved one in hospital! I believe we are going through the same thing at the moment! Considering how difficult it is for to let go of Evie and not fret, I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be for you, with PTSD as an added "bonus". Do please take care, and take comfort in the fact that Matt was happy to go for the tests. I will not say do not worry, as that would be silly, I myself am worried myself for Evie in spite of things looking positive for her. You will still worry obviously, you are a mother, and it is in the job description. :wink: And to put a positive spin on things - to me at least, your worry indicates that you are a good parent. Not worrying would be far worse in my opinion. Matt is very fortunate to have you.

    Be very good to yourself and take all the rest and help you need. If you want to cry, cry, and express and talk about any emotions you wish. That is most important for all of us, PTSD notwithstanding. And perhaps if you haven't done so already, write down all you are feeling and thinking, all your emotions, worries for now and the future, questions and so on, on paper. You perhaps know this already, that writing on paper can often be more of a relief than typing. At least I have found it so, so did many of my clients. A collage using old magazines may help as well. I seem to recall you are a creative person. In any event, simply throwing out suggestions. The important thing is to talk to those who love you, talk as much as you need to, post here as much as you need (you are always welcome here in carers) and take especially good care of yourself knowing Matt is in good hands. I will comment more on Matt's specific situation once things have settled down for here!

  13. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Thank you.. seems crying is my reaction at this point.. Thank you so much for understanding.. and thanks for the welcome..

    I will write more tomorrow.. as I'm just not in good shape.

    You take good care of yourself too!



    I should clarify, Matt has not yet gone in. I'm not sure when he will, although it will most likely be this week. They wanted him in today, but due to my reaction, Matt's therapist arranged for me to meet with his psych first so I can ask questions and then decide if he goes. I've already decided that he should go. Just need to ask about visitation, phones, tests etc.. now..

    Once he's in the hospital.. ugh I don't even want to think about it.
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