SalishScene
New Here
I am posting this and it is incredibly frightening. I have been lurking and reading about cptsd for years but can't speak or write about it. I have been in therapy for a year but all I can do is talk about how I deserve a pd dx because multiple severe traumas have happened to me. I am the common denominator. I have been taught all of my life that I have an inner locus of control. If someone else is more powerful, I didn't cooperate or comply effectively if there was a problem
. I am 55 and my therapist is supportive of trauma treatment. My mother is thinks that is ridiculous to want to seek "recovery" rather than accept my current level of very low but predictable functioning. I go grocery shopping and to therapy once a week. I am afraid to even interact on the internet these days out of paralysis and ???? She says I have had my chance to live and to just move on. I don't want go into it all but the last 25 years have been unreal in trauma and she is aware but states trauma treatment is for those with a future. I have no friends or other family or resources and live alone. I am at a place however where I not sure what to do. If my voice is a bit different on the phone my mom suggests that I "decompensating". (My mom is retired from the VA) despite my not being psychotic. She has medicalized disagreements all of our lives in our family and it feels like I am a rabid animal when she says those things. It's very powerful, my brother and father couldn't take it despite being psychopaths. I also have a history of childhood trauma and neglect but I am not trying address that with her. I think it is about my age. She is saying that I am elderly and need to accept my chances in this world have passed and to live with some grace and understand life is grim for some. She is a Buddhist and is big on her own version of "radical acceptance . She goes on about the monk and the broken tea cup (I get it, I get )
I don't know what to do because part of me wants to try but the grown-up in me understands what my mom is saying. I am so terrified and confused. I grew up around ptsd and veterans so I was taught to respect them andIam not one one of them. I know that I am not homeless. My mom is disgusted I can't adjust to that and live in gratitude. I'm not sure I can go on like this. I think I am supposed to learn to deal with this better? It feels obscene and ridiculous to claim trauma and to be me here now.
Sorry for length.
Spelling; mobile
. I am 55 and my therapist is supportive of trauma treatment. My mother is thinks that is ridiculous to want to seek "recovery" rather than accept my current level of very low but predictable functioning. I go grocery shopping and to therapy once a week. I am afraid to even interact on the internet these days out of paralysis and ???? She says I have had my chance to live and to just move on. I don't want go into it all but the last 25 years have been unreal in trauma and she is aware but states trauma treatment is for those with a future. I have no friends or other family or resources and live alone. I am at a place however where I not sure what to do. If my voice is a bit different on the phone my mom suggests that I "decompensating". (My mom is retired from the VA) despite my not being psychotic. She has medicalized disagreements all of our lives in our family and it feels like I am a rabid animal when she says those things. It's very powerful, my brother and father couldn't take it despite being psychopaths. I also have a history of childhood trauma and neglect but I am not trying address that with her. I think it is about my age. She is saying that I am elderly and need to accept my chances in this world have passed and to live with some grace and understand life is grim for some. She is a Buddhist and is big on her own version of "radical acceptance . She goes on about the monk and the broken tea cup (I get it, I get )
I don't know what to do because part of me wants to try but the grown-up in me understands what my mom is saying. I am so terrified and confused. I grew up around ptsd and veterans so I was taught to respect them andIam not one one of them. I know that I am not homeless. My mom is disgusted I can't adjust to that and live in gratitude. I'm not sure I can go on like this. I think I am supposed to learn to deal with this better? It feels obscene and ridiculous to claim trauma and to be me here now.
Sorry for length.
Spelling; mobile