Predatory women and young girls

Shyhi

New Here
Wanna preface this by saying that I was born female, but identify as a man. So although this talks about my experiences as a child in which I identified as a girl, I am not a woman and do not want to be referred to as such. Thank you.

Second post in a day woo boy, hoping I'm not overstepping by posting so quickly right after joining. It's been hard to find a forum like this that I can ask questions to other csa victims (Reddit's an option but it's hard for ppl to see posts sometimes), as I have no one in my own life that I can casually ask and it's easier to get comforting insight from people who understand what it feels like to go through all of this.

I feel like there's a lot of discussion about men sexually assaulting or harming girls but I rarely see much about women sexually harming girls (this does not mean that one is worse than the other, both are equally horrid). Of course this is likely because men statistically sexually harm children more often than women, as well as women being stereotyped as "less dangerous".

Because of this, when I first starting getting possible memories, I thoroughly believed it was a man who abused me. I had a slight fear of men when I was young so when all this started I was like "of course it makes sense!" But as time went on I was like. Wait. These memories take place in a restroom. A man cannot casually enter a women's restroom, especially in a school of young children, he'd be in a lot of trouble.

So I had to force myself to open up to the possibility that the abuser was a woman. And as a result my flashbacks and episodes have increased a lot more. It's been much, much harder to accept that a woman might have sexually abused a young girl than a man, as I'm fighting against stereotypes in my brain that women are "kinder" and "would never just hurt a girl like that". Plus it makes me feel gross considering woman hurt me as it reminds me of a lot of hurtful stereotypes about LGBT+ women being predatory to young women. I hear of women sexually harming young boys but never much about women and girls.

And although I'm aware it probably happens, my brain is in intense denial because "why would a specific situation like that happen to you of all people? You're lying to yourself." Of course, this does not mean the person who abused me was 100% not a man, it very well could of been a man. But the increase in derealization and flashbacks due to opening myself up to the possibility of it being a woman is concerning to say the least.

A predator is a predator, regardless of gender.

Anyone else have similar issues with this? Where their abuser was a woman but it was hard to accept it as such due to stereotypes and other issues?

Edit: Also I didn't know what category to put this in, so please let me know if it was more appropriate for somewhere else, very sorry if I put it in the wrong spot!
 

Changing4Best

MyPTSD Pro
When I was a little girl, I was a tomboy. I played with trucks and other toys that were usually played with by boys. My parents weren't upset, so I continued on with my play. I later learned that my gender was both and that my parents had chosen my gender along with my Dr.'s input. Surgery was performed and they named me with a girl's name. They never spoke to me about it. Later on, though, my aunt hinted at it. When a baby is born with both genders, the person is called a hermaphrodite. (Sorry, if I spelled that wrong.) Spell check often misses it.

Welcome to the Forum, by the way.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I've been a victim of CSA, but not by a woman. I am a woman. They were men.
hoping I'm not overstepping by posting so quickly right after joining.
Not at all. We can get to know you better when you post.
"why would a specific situation like that happen to you of all people? You're lying to yourself."
That's pretty normal for PTSD. You often doubt your trauma, or think it's not as traumatic as it was. It is just as possible for you to have been abused by a woman as a man. Are you working with a therapist? Maybe they can help you sort through your flashbacks to find what happened. I've been through trauma therapy but my thoughts still skid away when I think of my CSA. I'm in therapy again so maybe I'll break through and be able to confront it, but I didn't realize until I was 52.

I'm sure you will get more answers and in the meantime there are articles and lots of threads to wade through. Welcome.
 

grief

Sponsor
to be honest i think a lot of our opinions of whether or not women are more or less likely to prepetrate abuse are based in stereotypes and sexist ideologies.

i'm a man and i was infrequently abused by women as well. whilst the majority of my abusers were men. there were a couple women as well. and within the course of my job. i see a lot of offenders who are female. that will either own the devices that we are investegating or will show up within the offending content them selfs.

people are just less likely to presume this as women are considered to be more delicate and nurturing.

but this allows a lot of things that are abuse that if it was a male that had done them we would imminently recognize it as abusive. but that it is a woman if it is not violent or explicit it can be much more difficult to identify. i did not recognize the abusive behaviors of the women in my life over a decades later.

within terms of the statistics i would take them with a grain of salt. i see fairly the same rates of both genders both being abused and perpetrating abuse. the statistics more often come from reported abuse and people are less likely to report female on female or female on male abuse because of the above information.

but in a vacuum it exists in reletively the same numbers.
 
Anyone else have similar issues with this? Where their abuser was a woman but it was hard to accept it as such due to stereotypes and other issues?
Hi, I'm not a survivor of CSA, but a survivor of domestic abuse and sexual abuse. I'm a man. My perp was my ex-wife. It happens. Female perpetration of sexual abuse happens far more frequently than anyone wants to hear about. You're not alone.

And welcome to MyPTSD.
 

Shyhi

New Here
"It is just as possible for you to have been abused by a woman as a man. Are you working with a therapist? Maybe they can help you sort through your flashbacks to find what happened."
I'm actually meeting a new therapist tomorrow! I originally went into therapy to help with OCD issues, but this has become my main concern and I'm hoping that I'll be able to process things better with someone to help me.

to be honest i think a lot of our opinions of whether or not women are more or less likely to prepetrate abuse are based in stereotypes and sexist ideologies.
Yea, I totally agree. It's taking a lot of personal reminding that anyone is capable of abuse sometimes due to how much these stereotypes are ingrained in us, even subconsciously
 

Eagle3

MyPTSD Pro
Hey, trans guy here. I have both acute and C-PTSD, and the majority of my abusers have been women. As a (girl) toddler I was molested by a baby-sitter (at least, the evidence and body memories SCREAM that's what happened, but no clear memories as I was too young). It's taken me a long time to accept the fact that I have been abused by women more than men, but I've been able to admit that much more lately. Abuse can come from any and all genders. Welcome to the forum!
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Hi. I have got domestic violence and sexual assault, both were perpetrated by men and I'm a woman, but I don't think of women being any less dangerous. It's just about people and opportunities to hurt. I also have the impression that at times the stereotype is so strong many women don't even identify themselves as offenders even if they completely meet the criteria.

I do not find this stereotype to be positive, as it's both disempowering for women who didn't do anything wrong and a method of covering abuse up for the ones who commit abuse, of any nature.

I'm a woman shaped animal and I don't bother being called a woman. But I don't really identify to it. It's just how my body is. A shape. Pure chance. Then there are all sorts of projections on it because of it but internally, it's not really what matters to me, even if I'm okay with my body as it is.

Anyway welcome to the forum! Happy to learn you're starting therapy too.! It's good to have several places to help you. This forum is a very open and supportive place.
 
C

CallaLilly

One of my CSA abusers was a very prominent (to my life) woman and the lack of representation and general public understanding has definitely made things far more challenging. As I said she was a prominent role in my life and maybe that is what made her worse than the males, or the lack of representation. But I do wish more was known/researched/acknowledged/recognized.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
I am a woman who experienced CSA by men, adult SA by men and one SA by a woman. The false sense of security I had despite red flags from other of this persons behaviour- they were a friend I was concerned about some of their behaviour and was talking to them about it and hoped they were hearing me- I did not think I’d be a victim - foolishly- because I believed her to be a straight woman. Perpetrators perpetrate. Full stop. I am slightly annoyed by much of the idea that women only spaces are ‘safe’ or the ‘TERF’ idea that a trans woman makes a space less safe because it implies women aren’t perpetrators which upholds a dangerous myth. It’s dangerous for children, make victims and indeed female ones too. We can all be victims- and person from any demographic can be a perpetrator.


Welcome and keep posting :)
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
I am abused by both sexes in sexual and other ways. What I learned from my experience is that trauma hurts, harms, and destroys a child. The gender thing or feelings are adult based. A child when being abused may not care or know the difference of genders of course depending on their age and may even somewhat enjoy the attention that comes with the abuse (and associate that with violent sex and abuse)...but a child is not political. My adult parts and the culture we live in made me or allow me to see female toxicity and male toxicity as what they are. I also feel at least from my own experience - a lot had to do with sexual preference issues - if I am abused by a woman (being a woman now) does that mean I am now lesbian? did the predator see something I do not? at the end, again, harnessing my adult parts, experience in life, corporeal feelings, I came to learn nope I am not lesbian - I was abused and accepted as such - abuse/violation of my personhood. Did it impact my sexuality though? yes but not fundamentally or at least not shame based.
 
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