Preparing for the end.

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FlyingDove

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My husband was in the military. He is a good man. However he is constantly looking at the news and is convinced there will be a " throwdown" probably this November 2022 or November 2024. He has PTSD but denies it. I am just now learning after over 2 years not to engage with this idealogy. People try to force a crisis instigate something etc. I almost died in May 2014 from bacterial meningitis of my brain. I recovered . Bad things are occuring in our society. Negativity bias is everywhere . I would rather focus on life affirming things.

I just made a post regarding my husband's prep for the so called end of the world. I know full well our thought and actions create our destiny. Anyone have insight into something I can't see right now? Like him creating a crisis? Thank you. Yes he was in war zones. Had ACEs like me. A marriage where the.wife was unfaithful. Living with another woman long term providing financial support. The end result- she walked away leaving the apt etc. He was homeless for 6 months.
 
Welcome to the forum @FlyingDove !

I've merged the 2 threads you opened on this issue into one thread, so that the responses and conversation is all in one place.

The other post you've referred to is in a seperate thread which you can find here.

If you have any questions, just hit us up at Contact Us.
 
“You’re smart, capable, flexible, & adaptive. If the world ended when you were shirtless & wearing flip flops a thousand miles from home? You wouldn’t just survive, but be f*cking amazing. Tranquilo motherf*cker.”

^^^ The tack I had to take with myself when being unprepared for …anything… flared up. Also a Vet. And being unprepared = people die? Is a very, very common thing. Whether someone has PTSD or another disorder or nada.

Other people’s trauma-schtuff, meanwhile? I tend to have craaaaazy narrow limits on. My own insanity is often too much for me. Much less other peoples. Nope. Back the f*ck up. I’m neither able nor willing to deal with this shit, right now. Full stop.
 
Like him creating a crisis?
There's a huge variation in preppers. There's hobbyists, who get out with others with similar interest, connect and use a bit of free cash to entertain themselves in a way they find interesting and thought-provoking.

Then there's wack-a-doodle extremists who are isolating themselves with their extreme beliefs, getting themselves (or someone else) into financial problems with the costs involved, unable to continue to actually function in society. It's not a hobby, it's a way to avoid reality in a way that is detrimental to them.

Just like some people can have a casual beer with friends and it promotes overall happiness and well-being, while others become full-blown alcoholics and blow their health, finances and relationships.

Every prepper is going to sit somewhere on the spectrum between "Totally cool" and "Totally nuts".

If the person is sitting towards the Totally nuts end of the spectrum? You'd approach it the way you approach supporting someone with a mental illness - support, compassion, but also knowing that you can't save them, they have to do that themselves.
 
Thank you so much. Very helpful

There's a huge variation in preppers. There's hobbyists, who get out with others with similar interest, connect and use a bit of free cash to entertain themselves in a way they find interesting and thought-provoking.

Then there's wack-a-doodle extremists who are isolating themselves with their extreme beliefs, getting themselves (or someone else) into financial problems with the costs involved, unable to continue to actually function in society. It's not a hobby, it's a way to avoid reality in a way that is detrimental to them.

Just like some people can have a casual beer with friends and it promotes overall happiness and well-being, while others become full-blown alcoholics and blow their health, finances and relationships.

Every prepper is going to sit somewhere on the spectrum between "Totally cool" and "Totally nuts".

If the person is sitting towards the Totally nuts end of the spectrum? You'd approach it the way you approach supporting someone with a mental illness - support, compassion, but also knowing that you can't save them, they have to do that themselves.
He is on the spectrum . I would asses going toward the extreme. I saved myself once. I have no power of agency over him. I know there is great power in letting go. Working on this.
 
He is on the spectrum . I would asses going toward the extreme. I saved myself once. I have no power of agency over him. I know there is great power in letting go. Working on this.
If he self sabotages will prepare to go it alone. I have done it before. It is just scary. Thank you.
 
He is on the spectrum
Aaaaaaah, so.

Meaning both/either prepping &/or catastrophe &/or news has become an obsession/hyperinterest?

Also? Are you SURE he has PTSD??? (Meant very, very kindly). Every PTSD symptom exists in other disorders, and I made the exact same mistake with my exHusband… reading PTSD realities into his behaviors (as both nearly everyone I’d ever dated/loved had PTSD and it’s consequences were what I was most familiar with; so when I saw hoof prints I thought horses, not zebras)… but? He didn’t have PTSD. He has a personality disorder. As the effects of trauma can cause &/or exacerbate maaaaany different disorders. His trauma history created something very different, in him, than what I was used to seeing / dealing with. I was completely misreading him, for what I was familiar with.

ETA

Just to be clear with “the exact same mistake” bit… I’m not saying you’re wrong, nor that he doesn’t have PTSD. Plenty of people on the spectrum do. And being comorbid with anything makes PTSD infinitely more complicated. I just don’t want anyone making the mistake I did, as it cost me. Profoundly. So it’s an honest ask, rather than assuming you’re doing what I did.
 
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Aaaaaaah, so.

Meaning both/either prepping &/or catastrophe &/or news has become an obsession/hyperinterest?

Also? Are you SURE he has PTSD??? (Meant very, very kindly). Every PTSD symptom exists in other disorders, and I made the exact same mistake with my exHusband… reading PTSD realities into his behaviors (as both nearly everyone I’d ever dated/loved had PTSD and it’s consequences were what I was most familiar with; so when I saw hoof prints I thought horses, not zebras)… but? He didn’t have PTSD. He has a personality disorder. As the effects of trauma can cause &/or exacerbate maaaaany different disorders. His trauma history created something very different, in him, than what I was used to seeing / dealing with. I was completely misreading him, for what I was familiar with.
Yes. Thank you. I have considered personality disorders too. Narcissism and it traits exist on a spectrum. This is the issue my father has . I believe. Many of the traits that resulted in the outcome now facing him. My husband is impatient can be controlling definitely thinks in black and white. He has expressed belief that people who murder other people are possessed by the devil. Refuses to consider other possibilities. I cannot diagnose even though I was an RN and did psychiatric nursing other things.I can only really assess make plans to keep myself safe. His mother told me early in our relationship that if he is controlled he will run.

Yes I would say this is an interest that is an obession that is probably consuming him.I research what I do to stay healthy productive organized. Compliant with my health care providers treatment plans. It worked for me. Beyond what I ever imagined

I am going back into therapy. I am making plans now. I just called my physician about increasing my sertraline dose. I only take 50mg daily and started it about 6 weeks ago. I called my husband and told him. That the doomsday prepping was too much. Too much like my parents did. He said how can I help. I said nothing. It is my responsibility and I need professional help. I also told him it was a strength to ask for help. This site has helped me. Thank you. I will continue to post

I am opening a new bank account later day that has a bonus. I was trying to complete online set up then got a text from a business wanting me to come in and buy. I replied stop to the text. I will never go back to that business. I do have an appt in person at the bank later. Enough is enough. My husband too went too far. Not sure if marriage will survive. It will never be the same. Despite all this stress I remain seizure free. Crying grieving yelling but seizure free.
 
The biggest issue here, as I see it, is that your husband isn't acknowledging his own mental health issues. It's hard, if not impossible, the help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

So what should you do? Try to have a talk with your husband. Turn off the TV and go for a walk together. Tell him how your relationship is affected by his behavior. If he starts rambling about politics and news, don't get into a debate with him about that, because that isn't what this conversation is about it. Be specific about what you want from him, what you want your relationship to be like. That's it. If you give him a clear picture of what you want, then it's up to him to decide if he wants to change his behavior or not. You can't nag him to stop him from wasting his life in front of the screen. All you can do is present him with an option and let him, as an adult, make a decision.

I'm slightly autistic myself and a political dissident. I have met great friends through my dissenting worldview. They are intelligent and curious people who try to orient themselves in the rapidly changing world we live in. Many of them have left the country or are considering doing so to ensure a better future for their families. I have also met people like you husband, as you describe him. People who have become news junkies and don't do much else than consume news. They are passive players. Even if your husband is correct, spending most of his time watching news is one of the worst ways he could spend his time. All those hours could have been spent on learning valuable skills and to pursue a deeper understanding of the world than what news channels can give him.
 
The biggest issue here, as I see it, is that your husband isn't acknowledging his own mental health issues. It's hard, if not impossible, the help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

So what should you do? Try to have a talk with your husband. Turn off the TV and go for a walk together. Tell him how your relationship is affected by his behavior. If he starts rambling about politics and news, don't get into a debate with him about that, because that isn't what this conversation is about it. Be specific about what you want from him, what you want your relationship to be like. That's it. If you give him a clear picture of what you want, then it's up to him to decide if he wants to change his behavior or not. You can't nag him to stop him from wasting his life in front of the screen. All you can do is present him with an option and let him, as an adult, make a decision.

I'm slightly autistic myself and a political dissident. I have met great friends through my dissenting worldview. They are intelligent and curious people who try to orient themselves in the rapidly changing world we live in. Many of them have left the country or are considering doing so to ensure a better future for their families. I have also met people like you husband, as you describe him. People who have become news junkies and don't do much else than consume news. They are passive players. Even if your husband is correct, spending most of his time watching news is one of the worst ways he could spend his time. All those hours could have been spent on learning valuable skills and to pursue a deeper understanding of the world than what news channels can give him.
Thank you very much. I can try but it usually ends in blaming me. And as a former scapegoat I will take it and then run free. I have done this before. It took work help etc.but I did. I am not sure my husband wants to understand this.

The biggest issue here, as I see it, is that your husband isn't acknowledging his own mental health issues. It's hard, if not impossible, the help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

So what should you do? Try to have a talk with your husband. Turn off the TV and go for a walk together. Tell him how your relationship is affected by his behavior. If he starts rambling about politics and news, don't get into a debate with him about that, because that isn't what this conversation is about it. Be specific about what you want from him, what you want your relationship to be like. That's it. If you give him a clear picture of what you want, then it's up to him to decide if he wants to change his behavior or not. You can't nag him to stop him from wasting his life in front of the screen. All you can do is present him with an option and let him, as an adult, make a decision.

I'm slightly autistic myself and a political dissident. I have met great friends through my dissenting worldview. They are intelligent and curious people who try to orient themselves in the rapidly changing world we live in. Many of them have left the country or are considering doing so to ensure a better future for their families. I have also met people like you husband, as you describe him. People who have become news junkies and don't do much else than consume news. They are passive players. Even if your husband is correct, spending most of his time watching news is one of the worst ways he could spend his time. All those hours could have been spent on learning valuable skills and to pursue a deeper understanding of the world than what news channels can give him.
I just did what you said. I told him I will not follow this doomsday road. It is destructive and toxic. I also told him he was free . Free to be without me. I was getting help and I will change. His reply was you should not have to put up with this. I was surprised. Time will tell. Waiting on a therapist to set up first session sometime after 9/2/22. I get paid that day. I emailed her last night. She is experienced in trauma
 
Its difficult dealing with prepperitis (not such a word, but I figure people will get it.). The news is scary and my husband is former military, but we approached it differently. Instead of the worse case scenario which is pretty remote, the negative economic trends are more of a reality. We did a big garden and will be canning to offset rising food prices and hunting to fill the freezer. Augmenting with alternative energy sources to reduce the utility bills, but also as ice storms and snow storms are a reality, having back up heating and energy sources is not a bad investment. Not prepping per se, but being prepared to better withstand economic or weather related issues seemed to really quiet his concerns. Me....I've loved all the fresh garden produce so not a bad choice by any means.

If this isn't helpful, please just ignore as I know it is a very serious issue.
 
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