Primary Processing Thinking

grit

MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone,

I am realizing that in therapy I fall back to sort of like a child way of communicating (not voice or tone) but in reasoning or thinking or even elaborating. I think (I am exploring this now), I fall back to sort of primary processing where I am much more closer to my needs than the therapist is so often I can symbolize my dreams much faster and in depth. Or I can translate a body pain to a feeling...rather than going on and on cognitively. I can cut through a lot of more shit if I stay that loose associative level. Little too lose sometimes!

I am realizing my therapist function for me is more or less like my logic, critical or even probably secondary processing and I use her to solve problems with me. I have been resisting this in my mind and was experiencing anxiety. But now I am finding myself in loose position (less anxious) if I think I am sort of relating to her in regressive manner and I could play with it and learn who I am rather than trying to stay up on top of things.

Cause I have the tendencies to over think and I am not super experienced in therapy, I wonder if others feel similar things or could articulate better than me. Previously I was thinking maybe I was dissociating and I think still I am probably to break down this way but yet I am probably becoming not so dissociated to catch up.

Any input or feedback is appreciated.

Ps. I do not find thinking primary processing pathological at all - actually I find it better in relationships - more authentic than rationalizing...but that is where I am operating from. So in essence, I am not looking for this is wrong or right more like others' experiences if this resonates.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I usually tell my therapist things like: “I’m feeling very young right now.” That way, when my reasoning starts to sound like a six year old, it’s much less embarrassing. For the longest time, I was so disassociated in sessions that I couldn’t even recognize that I had dipped into a very young part of myself. Later in the week when I sort of came back into my adult self, I would feel a huge sense of shame. My therapist helped me work through all of that.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
thank you so much @Skywatcher for adding that element of shame ...I never thought of it such but yeah my resistance in the earlier version was to avoid the shame but it kept happening and when I took the helm of the situation (felt like change of perspective sort of), I realized that is it...the managing of the deep need self level and the dominating logic level is the therapy and the growth! I am becoming a bit more relaxed as if I am driving the bus here...LOl my little hands with my big head...
I felt loosening the mind that level was a problem I have to overcome...but I realized when I am super relaxed and happy I sort of become like that too! play child, play!

thank you for puncturing the bubble!
 
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