Prison visitation

Artimystic

New Here
Hello fellow travelers,
I happily am going to visit my son in prison tomorrow (monday).
Yet I don’t want to go. I don’t want to walk in those doors. It is even one of the milder prisons.
I’m in ptsd mode now. Triggered memories by the whole ordeal of his arrest. Small town/ news papers/ severity and nature of crime.
Prison is a similar rigid and calculating atmosphere. I’m a firm believer in restorative justice and that’s not at all what you feel inside. And I’m just a visitor. With my traumatic past and behavior I could easily if landed inside a prison.
I usually go with the mindset of kindness. Part of the reason is I have to behave perfectly almost. They could end the visitation on their Discretion.
But I’m concerned I will behave in a fawn mode. Taking care of men was how I acted out my ptsd most of my adult life. I’m just learning more about fawning.
I do want to practice good before and after techniques as well.
Any comments, tips or advice?
Artimystic
 

Charbella

Confident
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’ve visited my brother in prison before and it was triggering. I hope your son knows how much you love him to go through it.

I like to combo my distress a little freeze with some fawn, not my choice just the way I react.

Can you take someone with you? Even if they don’t go in just to help settle your nerves before and after?
 

Friday

Moderator
One game I often play, to set aside the “me” stuff getting in the way, is to pretend I’m a spy.

Whether that’s someone from the Bureau of Prisons working undercover to make notes on the facility/treatment/etc. when they don’t know I’m there to put on a show for; or casing the place for a Western/Heist Movie breakout? Really doesn’t matter. The simple act of changing the dynamic removes the space for the me-stuff to flood me.
 

Artimystic

New Here
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’ve visited my brother in prison before and it was triggering. I hope your son knows how much you love him to go through it.

I like to combo my distress a little freeze with some fawn, not my choice just the way I react.

Can you take someone with you? Even if they don’t go in just to help settle your nerves before and after?
Thank you for your suggestion.
Yes I think he knows . I drove through emergency snow weather to see him one time.
No there is no one to go with me.
But it’s comforting knowing others are triggered by going to prison visitation as well. Sorry if that sounded weird. I imagine even the average joe doesn’t like to go.
If I set good personal boundaries I do better.

One game I often play, to set aside the “me” stuff getting in the way, is to pretend I’m a spy.

Whether that’s someone from the Bureau of Prisons working undercover to make notes on the facility/treatment/etc. when they don’t know I’m there to put on a show for; or casing the place for a Western/Heist Movie breakout? Really doesn’t matter. The simple act of changing the dynamic removes the space for the me-stuff to flood me.
Thats an interesting technique. Thank you for taking the time to make a suggestion.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

caroline_13

Confident
I hate the power dynamic at a prison visit. They can search you and your belongings, you can't take your phone, etc. I like to take some reading material so I can act like I have my own thing going on when I have to wait 45 minutes for them to transfer me to the visit room... instead of staring at the wall.
 
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