DID Probable DID diagnosis?

that_1_girl

Confident
I got out of the complex trauma/dissociative disorders unit about a month ago, with a definitive diagnosis of CPTSD (PTSD for insurance purposes, of course.) There is also a probable DID diagnosis, the one being ruled out is OSDD. I definitely have parts, and I have seen myself switch, and so have most people I'm close to, as well as the nurses/patients/24-hour staff in the hospital. Only one mental health professional has ever seen me actually switch to a different "human" part. Many have seen me switch to a part named Robot, who I guess experiences DP/DR symptoms and/or regular CPTSD dissociation.
I have almost total if not total amnesia for a lot of specific (repeated) situations in childhood. I remember some of elementary school and preschool (in those places), I remember certain emotional and psychological abuse at home, and some very questionable stuff that my mother did. I remember NOTHING from childhood therapy, which I was in from 3-14 with the same therapist, except what I've seen in flashbacks, and felt in body memories and emotional flashbacks that often happen at the same time. Also different parts have different body memories and when I switch back to my most adult self, sometimes I remember what they felt, said, did, etc. while I was the other part, other times the experiences are totally hidden from me, or I don't even realize they happened. Other parts shut me out completely and I don't remember anything or hardly anything. Or I remember a still snapshot, like a screenshot. It's really weird. I was misdiagnosed schizophrenic/schizoaffective for almost a decade and a half but all organic mental illnesses have been ruled out at this point. I'm almost completely off antipsychotics. (I'm on 2mg Rexulti, but that is a FDA approved antidepressant dose, I've checked, and I haven't gotten off the last 50mg Seroquel but that isn't doing anything but help with sleep.) I have CPTSD for sure and dissociation for sure. I definitely have parts. I definitely have amnesia for historical events and large chunks of time. I also have very vivid visual/emotional memories and flashbacks sometimes of later abuse/attempted abuse/etc.

BUT I also have (confirmed) severe combined type ADHD, I take a prescribed stimulant, and I identify as neurodivergent in that respect. I literally forget everything, all the time, just due to the ADHD. Trauma symptoms definitely exacerbate it but it's there even in the absence of trauma symptoms. I forget EVERYTHING. But I also forget things that ADHD does NOT make you forget, like my name and birthdate and how to tell time on an analog clock...even where the numbers are supposed to go...sometimes even how to drive or parts of how to drive. Certain "parts" know those things or "know that they have to know" those things, but others are too little to know.

I feel like I'm going freaking crazy. I have felt like I was going freaking crazy for most of my adult life, not all the time, but when things are rough or especially really bad. My "safe Dad" called me Amy today and that is definitely NOT my name. He said she's 7. I'm turning 38 in a month. There are other parts with other names, and then some that have no name or don't know their name or that have some derivative of my name but not exactly. There are at least three different 3-year-olds.
 

that_1_girl

Confident
P.S. A large part of the time I’m 99% sure I must have early onset Alzheimer’s or dementia or idk….even though literally every person I’ve floated the question to has said that is definitely NOT the case: boyfriend, safe parents, professionals, complex trauma/dissociative disorders unit staff, etc.

To @Sideways, yes. It’s a lot. Thank you for the validation and compassion, it’s appreciated.
 

HealingMama

Sponsor
Hey there, welcome. I also have ADHD and parts. I understand feeling like you're going crazy but it sounds like you're getting answers and awareness which is such a great step towards healing - whatever "healing" looks like for you.
 
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