Other Property as a Stressor

"The things we own end up owning us", I'm sure most have heard this before, Chuck Palahniuk wrote this in his book Fight Club. Since the first time I watched the movie adaptation, that line really resonated with me. Since I was a kid I've preferred to own less, have less clutter, and as an adult this preference has morphed into a bit of a stressor. The more I own, the more I feel trapped, like my possessions weigh me down. It can be suffocating at times. Anyone else?
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Yep, yep and yep. However I’m ambivalent about it. At first I didn’t own many things and that allowed me to just bounce around… like all I need are phone, wallet, keys. But after a moment I feel I don’t have any home and it’s heavy too. Now I’ve been moving stuff around and it’s been excruciating too. But having them back together also feels nice. Because it builds familiarity. I have the impression I have tons of shit but it turns out it isn’t much in volume.

I think when you’ve been used to chaos it’s quite complicated to allow yourself having a space, your space, and not to worry about having to leave it because of a random catastrophe. You don’t feel centralized. Or having any sort of base camp. Even having my own apartment or room, I feel jittered because I know it’s work to maintain it, as opposed to be living at someone else’s place and sort of floating around. If I don’t have a time limit to the place I am it feels strange (it’s the case right now). Like I’m not in movement anymore. But being in constant movement also is tiring.
 
Finding some sort of ebb and flow works to a degree. Things add up after a while, trying new hobbies or creating stuff, and then when it reaches critical mass just thinning out everything that doesn't serve an actual purpose. Having too much stuff around, especially things that don't get used also seems like a reminder of time and/or money that's been wasted.
 

Friday

Moderator
When I’m at my worst all I usually own fits into a backpack. That’s all I can handle, and remain sorta kinda maybe functional. Sometimes I’m far more functional -living out of hotels, an income stream, relationships, etc.- than others.

In the same vein, but on the upward slope (attempting to build/live a normalish life; with a place that’s my own, and stuff/things, bills, credit, ID etc.), IDFK how many lives I’ve just walked away from. Stood up with my food half finished and get on a train. Leaving my home/ friends/ lovers/ jobs/ etc. in my wake. A lot.

No matter how functional I am, or not, I find it near effortless to live out of a car, boat, saddlebags, suitcase, etc.

I find it really difficult to form attachments to people, places, things. I have to work at it, really hard. Which makes losing it (not walking away from) all the more difficult. And all the more difficult to convince myself to form new attachments, at some later date, having decided it’s a good idea.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I'm the exact opposite. I have mountains of stuff. I threw away 2 large dumpster loads when I moved, gave away enough that the trash and donated stuff made up 1/2 of what I own. I still have twice as much as I need. I try to get rid of the excess, but I don't consider anything as excess. When I do get rid of things, I go into a buying frenzy to replace them. I even bought stuff I had donated to charity. I wish I had gone the other way.
 
When I’m at my worst all I usually own fits into a backpack. That’s all I can handle, and remain sorta kinda maybe functional. Sometimes I’m far more functional -living out of hotels, an income stream, relationships, etc.- than others.

In the same vein, but on the upward slope (attempting to build/live a normalish life; with a place that’s my own, and stuff/things, bills, credit, ID etc.), IDFK how many lives I’ve just walked away from. Stood up with my food half finished and get on a train. Leaving my home/ friends/ lovers/ jobs/ etc. in my wake. A lot.

No matter how functional I am, or not, I find it near effortless to live out of a car, boat, saddlebags, suitcase, etc.

I find it really difficult to form attachments to people, places, things. I have to work at it, really hard. Which makes losing it (not walking away from) all the more difficult. And all the more difficult to convince myself to form new attachments, at some later date, having decided it’s a good idea.
Personal relationships do to take A LOT of effort and attention to build and maintain. Walking away from the sort of lives that most people enjoy/cling to does seem pretty easy. I've moved dozens of times and it's incredibly rare that I keep in contact with people, as most just feel like acquaintances more or less.
 
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