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PSTD Emotional/Relationship Advice

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jaybee

New Here
6 years ago my father was killed in an accident. Shock/denial/depression ... the usually grieving symptoms all came and went. I felt like I had things under control.

But recently, I've found that very soon after being in an emotionally involved relationship, I become consumed with fear. I feel extremely vulnerable, and try to withdraw/detach.

It seems to be related to the feelings I have for my significant other - the more I like them, the more intense these feelings of fear become.

I have trouble sleeping, I feel nauseous, and become consumed by irrational thoughts of losing them, or getting hurt again. Both of which do nothing but harm to an otherwise healthy relationship.

Any thoughts/advice/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

Jay
 
A similar thing was/is going on with me and when I realized what it could do to my relationship I sought therapy and went to the doctor to try some medication. I ask myself on a daily basis; what is more important to me? This relationship, or this fear?

My husband always wins hands down. That's why I had to find something that worked for me... had to find a way to start getting better... start trusting again. It also helps that my husband is open to talking things through with me and for the most part understands that my trust issues are not in any way because of anything he has ever done (I know that not having trust for a person hurts both people). Being open with him works. Therapy and meds. are working. Hopefully some day I can control things without the meds. but for now I set short term goals... stability, school, exposures... I'll do anything to get things back on track no matter how hard it is!

That is what worked/works for me. For you it may be something else... it all depends on where you are along your PTSD road and what you find you want most and are motivated to get in your life. Once you have figured that out, you will probably have also figured out what you need to do. From my own experience I would suggest reading up on things and seeking some therapy if you haven't already.

Also... don't wait too long to do something. You have recognized the problem which is great and that insight will be very useful to you if you apply it to therapy or other tools.
 
Hi Jay,

I think the most important thing is having open communication. That may take a leap on your part but it's not fair for either of you to be in a relationship that isn't built on trust and open communication. OR, if you're not healthy enough right now, maybe getting into a relationship isn't the best idea. Ultimately, it's your choice. Of course, we are all going to suggest therapy as the best way to deal with your emotions and symptoms and learning ways to manage them.

Best,
Rachel
 
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