Sufferer PTSD and being a single parent

Maya2357

New Here
I have PTSD that I am severely struggling with it all while being a single parent and having to be “normal”. It’s hard. My kids are safe, healthy and happy. They know I am going through something, I am a domestic violence survivor from my marriage. While I am able to do what I need to do to be supportive and caring mother for them- I have immense guilt and fear.

Parenting isn’t triggering my PTSD- it’s outside influences like a flashback or loud sound, a man being angry. I’m happy to parent my kids- it’s why I keep going. They need me and I cannot let them down because I couldn’t get my shit together. However I need help with what’s going on in my head and the physical manifestation that has taken over. I’m stressed. I’m losing weight (something I’d normally happy about but I can’t eat food, it’s not agreeing with me and I have abdominal issues from my pregnancies. I keep saying I think my issues of paranoia and fear are coming from my birth control (yes it happens) and also trying to date isn’t helping- it is triggering me also so I’m taking a break from it. I can’t connect with anyone. I feel lost and alone and this pandemic isn’t helping.

I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head? I’ve never suffered from mental health issues until this year. When I had my daughter 10 years ago the dr thought I had postpartum depression (turned out I was married to an alcoholic so no it wasn’t the “baby blues”). Four years ago I was able to get through my divorce, become a full time single parent, move states, start a new job, buy a home and set us up with no symptoms of depression (also I stay away from alcohol and illegal substances). I work out daily. I had a miscarriage last year which was devastating to me because my baby was wanted and I think about her everyday. I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist (early stages of treatment).

I’m trying to be a good Mom, a good person but I feel as though I am stuck mentally on these thoughts/memories. I’m shutting myself away from society, using the pandemic as an excuse for us to stay home yet when we are home we don’t want to be here. We want to be with our loved ones and not in fear. I don’t like being alone so I got a puppy to care for when the kids are at school. Being able to take her for walks helps. I don’t even know why I’m on this writing, but it does make me feel better if someone were to read this and say something nice. I just want to feel like my old self again. I want to be Me and not afraid. Thank you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you for sharing and letting us know what is going on with you. If you are beginning therapy, please be kinder to yourself and allow yourself time to do what it takes to get healthy.

I was a single mom with PTSD, and you do have to tell yourself often, that you are doing the absolute best you can under the circumstances. Sounds like you are more on top of things than you are giving yourself credit for. Not dating because it's more stressful than fun is a very self-caring choice.

Being a single mom is very hard under the best of circumstances. I hope you come here and can find the forum a safe place to have your feelings. No judgment here!! Everyone here is struggling with something. So you are not alone and I really do understand what you are feeling.

Give your meds, therapy, and yourself some time to settle into a routine that works for you. This is a very trying time in our world so please know you have this place to come to and be heard and validated. You can do this. We've got your back!!
 

Maya2357

New Here
Thank you so much for your kind words they mean a lot to me. I appreciate the support. No it’s not easy trying to keep it straight in front of my kids. I don’t like them seeing me like this, crying a lot. I have to hide it from them- my son always asks “you good?”. He shouldn’t have to be looking out for me poor little guy. They know I’m hurting. I am trying to get better, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. I think once I get my meds figured out and off hormonal birth control it will help with the anxiety. :) thank you have a good day
 

RussellSue

Not Active
I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head?
Welcome @Maya2357 !

I don't believe that there is any medicine that will stop the head noise. I wanted a pill for that more than any other thing.

Have you heard of EMDR? So far, that has been the only thing that has helped me with the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts about my trauma and the stressful details surrounding it. I was in all kinds of therapy before trying EMDR and have so far been very happy with the results.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hiya @Maya2357, your doing a fantastic job! Way to go YOU for being a great mum and taking care of all your responsibilities! Ptsd and stress affects appetite and you can get 'food dysregulation '. It's important that you try and eat properly so that you can take care of yourself and have enough energy. I'm sorry for your miscarriage that must have been awful. It's good that you don't drink alcohol or take drugs.I stopped drinking and smoking 4 months ago and feel really good for it. My dad was a violent and abusive alcoholic. He destroyed our family so I know what domestic violence is like and the effect it has on people. I'm glad that you have a counsellor and psychiatrist, this will help you.
I also take medication because I was a nervous wreck. It helps. stress causes paranoia but the more help you get and after time it will start to diminsh. If you research 'grounding techniques' this may help you as well as others on here that can share their techniques with you.

Don't forget how awesome you are!

Best wishes S3 😊
 
Last edited:

Friday

Moderator
Welcome to the community!

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, setting yourself up to get on top of this as quickly as possible, as gracefully as possible.

If you check this out >>> The ptsd cup explanation <<< You’ll see you’re already doing maybe 90% of what’s the absolutely best series of options available... whether on accident, or on purpose. For about 10 years I had my life set up to exquisitely manage my stress levels, totally on accident, so when I got divorced & started doing the single mom thing? I didn’t know what was helping me & important to keep, and what could be safely binned until I was back on my feet, and unintentionally made my life a helluva lot worse. Unlike me, who had to go around reinventing the wheel, it sounds like you’ve got some great instincts about what to bring into your life, and what to keep.
I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head?
If you need a little bit of a laugh? ...Good news! You haven’t had a lobotomy, aren’t braindead, or drugged to drooling-zombie-land, and are capable of independent thinking! Shitty door-prize, I know, but it beats the alternative.

Seriously, though... this is a disorder. f*cked up thinking, out of control emotions, and other super fun things ( 😫 aaargh! ) are a part of that... but so is learning how to get on top of them faster & better, start getting out in front of them, recovering faster, and eventually be dealing with them less & less to not at all.

Meds can help wih that process... but unlike disorders like depression, they aren’t going to sort it for us. With PTSD meds are like crutches for a broken leg. Super useful, even necessary in the beginning... but they won’t get you walking, again. Nor will the cane. It’s the physical therapy that strengthens the muscles damaged by the break, surgeries, & wasted from bein in a cast. Now, a lot of people have co-morbid disorders like depression, along with their PTSD who may be looking at being on meds long term... but PTSD itself is dealt with via trauma therapy, practice, & badass stress management (note that I didn’t say stress removal. You can still have a wicked fun life with stress up to your eyeballs... and be symptom free... as long as the stress is managed. As with most things? Easier said than done, but totally possible).

Again, welcome to the community!
 

woodsy1

MyPTSD Pro
I have PTSD that I am severely struggling with it all while being a single parent and having to be “normal”. It’s hard. My kids are safe, healthy and happy. They know I am going through something, I am a domestic violence survivor from my marriage.
I am sorry you had to go through domestic violence. I grew up with that in my home as a child and faced further traumas later in life. It's great that you have the kids and are being a good mom.
While I am able to do what I need to do to be supportive and caring mother for them- I have immense guilt and fear.

Parenting isn’t triggering my PTSD- it’s outside influences like a flashback or loud sound, a man being angry. I’m happy to parent my kids- it’s why I keep going. They need me and I cannot let them down because I couldn’t get my shit together.
I think that pushing too hard to keep going while we're suffering PTSD may contribute to the severity of our symptoms. I know I pushed super hard for 2 years before PTSD really got the better of me.
However I need help with what’s going on in my head and the physical manifestation that has taken over. I’m stressed. I’m losing weight (something I’d normally happy about but I can’t eat food, it’s not agreeing with me and I have abdominal issues from my pregnancies. I keep saying I think my issues of paranoia and fear are coming from my birth control (yes it happens) and also trying to date isn’t helping- it is triggering me also so I’m taking a break from it. I can’t connect with anyone. I feel lost and alone and this pandemic isn’t helping.
The pandemic isn't helping anything, is it?!? Physical symptoms are very common to PTSD. Our bodies can only stay in fight or flight mode so long before it starts really wearing on us. Hopefully you are finding the exercise you do helps. I try to get out for walks most every day. Best antidepressant I've discovered!
I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head?
Sometimes it helps to get the nonsense out of our heads and into writing or journaling, as on this forum. You'll find that a lot of us share various troubling thoughts and symptoms pretty regularly here. Somehow, putting the nonsense into words helps us own it and take power over it.
I’ve never suffered from mental health issues until this year. When I had my daughter 10 years ago the dr thought I had postpartum depression (turned out I was married to an alcoholic so no it wasn’t the “baby blues”). Four years ago I was able to get through my divorce, become a full time single parent, move states, start a new job, buy a home and set us up with no symptoms of depression (also I stay away from alcohol and illegal substances). I work out daily. I had a miscarriage last year which was devastating to me because my baby was wanted and I think about her everyday. I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist (early stages of treatment).
You are taking a lot of good steps in the right direction. As you keep moving forward, you will find answers to some of your questions and resolution to some of the issues you are facing. It's a long hard journey, dealing with trauma. You will make it.
I’m trying to be a good Mom, a good person but I feel as though I am stuck mentally on these thoughts/memories. I’m shutting myself away from society, using the pandemic as an excuse for us to stay home yet when we are home we don’t want to be here. We want to be with our loved ones and not in fear.
I self isolated for 2 long, miserable years. It felt like what I needed to do, but only made things worse. As hard as socialization can be after abuse, we need it. You will find ways that work for you. Go easy and don't expect too much from yourself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, as this is a new journey for which you have no previous example to compare.
I don’t like being alone so I got a puppy to care for when the kids are at school. Being able to take her for walks helps.
Puppies are awesome! Mocha is my puppy. She's the best. She's been with me through my ordeals. I don't know what I'd do without her.
I don’t even know why I’m on this writing, but it does make me feel better if someone were to read this and say something nice. I just want to feel like my old self again. I want to be Me and not afraid. Thank you.
I'm glad it feels good to start sharing. I find sharing, and trying to encourage others, to be very helpful for me. My experience is that the more you share, the more it helps.

I hope you find what you are seeking here and even more!
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
I have PTSD that I am severely struggling with it all while being a single parent and having to be “normal”. It’s hard. My kids are safe, healthy and happy. They know I am going through something, I am a domestic violence survivor from my marriage. While I am able to do what I need to do to be supportive and caring mother for them- I have immense guilt and fear.

Parenting isn’t triggering my PTSD- it’s outside influences like a flashback or loud sound, a man being angry. I’m happy to parent my kids- it’s why I keep going. They need me and I cannot let them down because I couldn’t get my shit together. However I need help with what’s going on in my head and the physical manifestation that has taken over. I’m stressed. I’m losing weight (something I’d normally happy about but I can’t eat food, it’s not agreeing with me and I have abdominal issues from my pregnancies. I keep saying I think my issues of paranoia and fear are coming from my birth control (yes it happens) and also trying to date isn’t helping- it is triggering me also so I’m taking a break from it. I can’t connect with anyone. I feel lost and alone and this pandemic isn’t helping.

I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head? I’ve never suffered from mental health issues until this year. When I had my daughter 10 years ago the dr thought I had postpartum depression (turned out I was married to an alcoholic so no it wasn’t the “baby blues”). Four years ago I was able to get through my divorce, become a full time single parent, move states, start a new job, buy a home and set us up with no symptoms of depression (also I stay away from alcohol and illegal substances). I work out daily. I had a miscarriage last year which was devastating to me because my baby was wanted and I think about her everyday. I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist (early stages of treatment).

I’m trying to be a good Mom, a good person but I feel as though I am stuck mentally on these thoughts/memories. I’m shutting myself away from society, using the pandemic as an excuse for us to stay home yet when we are home we don’t want to be here. We want to be with our loved ones and not in fear. I don’t like being alone so I got a puppy to care for when the kids are at school. Being able to take her for walks helps. I don’t even know why I’m on this writing, but it does make me feel better if someone were to read this and say something nice. I just want to feel like my old self again. I want to be Me and not afraid. Thank you.
Hang in there. I’m in awe of how much you have accomplished. It was very brave of you to leave an abusive relationship. Let alone raise a family while starting a new life. It takes a lot of perseverance and courage
 

Clocked

New Here
@Maya2357,
Thank you for the post. I too am a single parent and I have been for over a decade. I have struggled with anxieties and PTSD for a while. What I’ve found to be most beneficial for my children is to educate them on my condition(s). It’s impossible for me to truly “hide” my challenges from them, and I felt it only fair that they understand what is going on. They are the ones with me when I have to pull over on the side of the road to attempt to calm myself out of a panic episode, they are the ones observing me as I wake up out of a dead sleep hyperventilating, yelling, running (any combination). My daughter was the one calling my name to wake me from an episode - asking me was I ok after my jolt from again a dead-sleep in my bedroom, to a run into the living room where she was watching television. I ended up with my back up against the wall, panting - arms outstretched also against the wall as if the panic literally had me by the throat, pinning me against the wall in a vicious assault - all while still not fully awake.
I sat them down when I thought they were capable of processing and understanding, and educated them. We watched age-appropriate videos and shows on the subject, I’ve visually depicted the matter on my daughter’s dry erase board and paper for them. I‘ve not hid from them the life I’ve lived. For example, in the past when I was back in my hometown and drove past the spot where my younger brother was murdered, I explained to them what happened. They asked thoughtful question that led to me explain how it made me feel, how I sat there with my hand on his blood stains left behind, how ALL the responsibilities for his proper burial fell on me and how neither one of my parents did anything or gave a penny towards it - and how the stress of it all caused me to lose quite a bit of hair. I also let them know that I am glad that I was there and able to provide a proper burial for him. They attended the funeral of my other brother who was one year older than me. I explained to them the fact that he overdosed. It was a teaching moment that allowed me to reinforce the idea of decisions and consequences, we can only truly control what is in our own swim-lanes, etc. They attended my mothers funeral less than one year after my oldest brother’s overdose. Her death was caused by the same condition Brad has taken plenty of other lives in the community in which I was raised. I grew up in an area Theme by the environmental protection agency as a theme by the environmental protection agency as a Super Fund Site.
My kids are aware.
Because I grew up in a very chaotic environment, feeling like a mushroom in a dark corner, not being communicated to, loved, included, etc. I make sure the my kids are fully included and involved in the household in which they live. This mandates that I be honest with them, and provide an environment for them to also be honest, open, curious, etc. and feel safe, protected, and loved!
Since they’ve been educated, whenever I have an episode, at a minimum they’re not fearful of the unknown - they have an understanding of what It’s happening and why it’s happening.
 

adamjam

New Here
Welcome @Maya2357 !

I don't believe that there is any medicine that will stop the head noise. I wanted a pill for that more than any other thing.

Have you heard of EMDR? So far, that has been the only thing that has helped me with the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts about my trauma and the stressful details surrounding it. I was in all kinds of therapy before trying EMDR and have so far been very happy with the results.
I'm doing some of that with my online therapist it has worked wonders. I would also recommend it.
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
I have PTSD that I am severely struggling with it all while being a single parent and having to be “normal”. It’s hard. My kids are safe, healthy and happy. They know I am going through something, I am a domestic violence survivor from my marriage. While I am able to do what I need to do to be supportive and caring mother for them- I have immense guilt and fear.

Parenting isn’t triggering my PTSD- it’s outside influences like a flashback or loud sound, a man being angry. I’m happy to parent my kids- it’s why I keep going. They need me and I cannot let them down because I couldn’t get my shit together. However I need help with what’s going on in my head and the physical manifestation that has taken over. I’m stressed. I’m losing weight (something I’d normally happy about but I can’t eat food, it’s not agreeing with me and I have abdominal issues from my pregnancies. I keep saying I think my issues of paranoia and fear are coming from my birth control (yes it happens) and also trying to date isn’t helping- it is triggering me also so I’m taking a break from it. I can’t connect with anyone. I feel lost and alone and this pandemic isn’t helping.

I’m taking anti anxiety medication for a month now and it does help but why can’t I stop the nonsense that is in my head? I’ve never suffered from mental health issues until this year. When I had my daughter 10 years ago the dr thought I had postpartum depression (turned out I was married to an alcoholic so no it wasn’t the “baby blues”). Four years ago I was able to get through my divorce, become a full time single parent, move states, start a new job, buy a home and set us up with no symptoms of depression (also I stay away from alcohol and illegal substances). I work out daily. I had a miscarriage last year which was devastating to me because my baby was wanted and I think about her everyday. I’m seeing a counselor and psychiatrist (early stages of treatment).

I’m trying to be a good Mom, a good person but I feel as though I am stuck mentally on these thoughts/memories. I’m shutting myself away from society, using the pandemic as an excuse for us to stay home yet when we are home we don’t want to be here. We want to be with our loved ones and not in fear. I don’t like being alone so I got a puppy to care for when the kids are at school. Being able to take her for walks helps. I don’t even know why I’m on this writing, but it does make me feel better if someone were to read this and say something nice. I just want to feel like my old self again. I want to be Me and not afraid. Thank you.
How are you? It’s so unbelievably hard to work through trauma while being a single parent. We try and protect our young so they don’t see us suffer. It always finds a way to come to the surface. My daughter used to tell me I cried in my sleep. The most troubling part was when I’d have an outburst of anger. It’s a horrible feeling to scare your child and make them cry because they don’t understand. I was in kidney failure and on prednisone. I really had no control over my emotions. I think the best thing to do is give yourself time to cry, vent, journal, meditation. Anyway to just let those emotions we shove deep down to escape with the least collateral damage as possible. My child is 17 going on 18. I was always honest with my illnesses so she’d understand it wasn’t her fault. Mommy is sick and doing her best. My child almost an adult is very in tune to her surroundings and knows the importance of having an outlet and me time. Thank God kids are so resilient and understanding.
I love that u got a puppy! That will keep u on a schedule. And be you and the kids best friend when lonely. I feel that would’ve helped me and my child but we rent and never had the chance to be dog owners. I’ve been where u are. I can’t imagine going through all this through a pandemic. It’s just another layer to get through. This too, shall pass. We will get through this and be stronger on the other side.
 
Top