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Ptsd and compulsions

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KwanYingirl

MyPTSD Pro
i spend an inordinate time reflecting on my compulsions and impulses and how they are the result of having PTSD or do they feed it? For instance, cutting, that delirious compulsion. I have worked hard to diminish cutting. In my defense, I think I am compelled by flooding that’s when it happens. I know what I’m doing, but I’m only partially connected to the compulsion.

Or, I may be anticipating the onset of compulsions due to triggers I can’t avoid (family, hiking in the woods, difficult clients, disappointments. If it’s anticipation, I feel compelled to shop. Now, maybe that’s impulsive, but I don’t really know. What i do know, at least for my peace of mind, I am open to suggestions as to how the hell can I live my life free of this nagging compulsivness.

My overspending has gotten to the point that I must stop buying shoes and earrings and guitar aids. You know, it’s easy to change the strings with nothing more than pliers. Then I land on a YouTube video on the proper care of the instrument. The dude on the video has a rest for the neck, a 3- in-1 tool that pulls plugs, snips the extra wire on the string. Then he conditioned the fretboard with this precious oil that can only be used on the frets, then another oil to polish the body. Well I immediately bought it all on Amazon. Stuff like this is typical of me during stressful days or perhaps several times a day.
 
For cutting and such compulsions, I have one question:
Is there a pattern to it, as in, higher intensity in certain general periods, or general diminishing or any of that?

For the guitar thing, well, that happens to everyone with guitars or instruments in general, often regardless of what you do.

Maybe try making your own, it will use up your time and focus, and be cheaper in general (really, e.g. mix olive oil and lemon, that is a common oil, or try crushing stuff down. Use normal alcohol or vodka to clean strings, spend time making it. It works and ends up cheaper)
 
In my case, there is a pattern. Anxiety builds, triggers compulsions. Not holding myself accountable is not the solution. I am breaking my own heart. If I practice mindfulness, my behaviors become more evident and I promise myself, I will change. Then I get sloppy. I forget to take a personal inventory and one huge factor for me is when I’ve not taken my medication. I’m not very good at self soothing in a healthy way. Just wondering if anyone has similar struggle and helpful strategies to develope self soothing.
 
In my case, there is a pattern. Anxiety builds, triggers compulsions. Not holding myself accountabl...

Ask yourself this. When you don't take your meds are you anxious because your meds are no longer working or because you just didn't take your meds. For me, forgetting and not being sure what might happen without the meds was the main cause of the anxiety. Just remind yourself that most of these meds don't kick-out straight away and start taking again when you can.

Compulsion to buy is so tricky. I average 20 collectable cards a day and other stuff on Amazon. So easy to do on phone and so quick to deliver. Instant gratification and helps to soothe when anxiety high. This kind of shopping often aggravates me as much as it soothes though. So much stuff and I don't use it. How to stop this. Damn tricky.

I remember when I was younger pre-internet. Once a month I'd travel miles to my favourite hobby place, buy a few things, eat at McDonalds, make more of an event of it. Maybe put the time you would spend just buying stuff into planning this sort of excursion. Look up shops rather than shop online.

Alternately just think of your favourite thing and do that for 10 minutes. Divert your compulsion.
 
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