New here, figured id join up. so ill try to be as brief as possible.
So about 5 years ago, i was assaulted in the back of the head with a spiked knuckle duster. (I only know this as people were with me when it happend, but i myself have no recollection of the incident) was in hospital for a week after, released then re-admitted several days later as i started to fit was released after another week and have been taking medication for epilepsy since.
Maybe i do have ptsd, alot of what im about to try and explain did start happening after the event, but some have happened before hand. Maybe i have something else wrong with me thats why im so confused.
Heres a few things, maybe theyll make sense to other people, ive never spoken to anyone else with ptsd and even the doctor wouldnt tske the time to really explain what it ment, how to deal with it ect ect.
- extremely impulsive and find it difficult to control
- can be intolerent to noise
- angry and aggresive
- when i have an 'episode' if you like, im destructive to everyone and everything around me, and when im 'that person' i feel absolutely no guilt in what i say or do, i even try to say hurtful things to get a reaction.
- dont leave the house if i dont have to.
- avoid all public encounters even with friends and family, could not for example go into town and be around such a high volume of people
- no public transport
- been offered several group sessions, but will only attend one on one.
- extreme dreams of being tortured
- dreams of my son being killed
- the dreams feel so real, im different after experiencing one.
- violent thoughts of killing people (can be anyone from family to a passer by in the street)
- self harm
- suicidal thoughts
- after an 'episode' i dont always remember exactly how things happened
- feel on high alert
- easily stressed/triggered
- elavated emoiton (not love its head over heals, its not anger its rage, if you understand what i mean)
- wont go to most places unattended
- find it difficult to say whats in my head
- find it difficult to speak to people or socialise.
- no self worth
- unstable relationships
- extremely literal and completely miss the point on things, or have no idea what someone means when they use a phrase im unfamilar with, if someone tells me theyll be 5 mins im pacing looking at the clock the second 5 mins has passed.
- lash out in sleep
So theres a few things in no order, probably forgotten several as this is of the top of my head and i find it difficult store lots of info. But on what ive said what do you people think? Ive explained how i feel to my ex partner and she thought i could have bipolar, bpd or even aspergers, I have no idea how to make sense of everything, the doctors ect havent been very helpful at all, so i dont really understand. I just need to make sense of it so i can get better, i raise my son almost full time and i need to be the best i can be for him.
Thanks
So about 5 years ago, i was assaulted in the back of the head with a spiked knuckle duster. (I only know this as people were with me when it happend, but i myself have no recollection of the incident) was in hospital for a week after, released then re-admitted several days later as i started to fit was released after another week and have been taking medication for epilepsy since.
Maybe i do have ptsd, alot of what im about to try and explain did start happening after the event, but some have happened before hand. Maybe i have something else wrong with me thats why im so confused.
Heres a few things, maybe theyll make sense to other people, ive never spoken to anyone else with ptsd and even the doctor wouldnt tske the time to really explain what it ment, how to deal with it ect ect.
- extremely impulsive and find it difficult to control
- can be intolerent to noise
- angry and aggresive
- when i have an 'episode' if you like, im destructive to everyone and everything around me, and when im 'that person' i feel absolutely no guilt in what i say or do, i even try to say hurtful things to get a reaction.
- dont leave the house if i dont have to.
- avoid all public encounters even with friends and family, could not for example go into town and be around such a high volume of people
- no public transport
- been offered several group sessions, but will only attend one on one.
- extreme dreams of being tortured
- dreams of my son being killed
- the dreams feel so real, im different after experiencing one.
- violent thoughts of killing people (can be anyone from family to a passer by in the street)
- self harm
- suicidal thoughts
- after an 'episode' i dont always remember exactly how things happened
- feel on high alert
- easily stressed/triggered
- elavated emoiton (not love its head over heals, its not anger its rage, if you understand what i mean)
- wont go to most places unattended
- find it difficult to say whats in my head
- find it difficult to speak to people or socialise.
- no self worth
- unstable relationships
- extremely literal and completely miss the point on things, or have no idea what someone means when they use a phrase im unfamilar with, if someone tells me theyll be 5 mins im pacing looking at the clock the second 5 mins has passed.
- lash out in sleep
So theres a few things in no order, probably forgotten several as this is of the top of my head and i find it difficult store lots of info. But on what ive said what do you people think? Ive explained how i feel to my ex partner and she thought i could have bipolar, bpd or even aspergers, I have no idea how to make sense of everything, the doctors ect havent been very helpful at all, so i dont really understand. I just need to make sense of it so i can get better, i raise my son almost full time and i need to be the best i can be for him.
Thanks