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Sufferer PTSD - Been diagnosed but unsure if its correct as i have no memory of the experience?

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Psychotic

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New here, figured id join up. so ill try to be as brief as possible.

So about 5 years ago, i was assaulted in the back of the head with a spiked knuckle duster. (I only know this as people were with me when it happend, but i myself have no recollection of the incident) was in hospital for a week after, released then re-admitted several days later as i started to fit was released after another week and have been taking medication for epilepsy since.

Maybe i do have ptsd, alot of what im about to try and explain did start happening after the event, but some have happened before hand. Maybe i have something else wrong with me thats why im so confused.

Heres a few things, maybe theyll make sense to other people, ive never spoken to anyone else with ptsd and even the doctor wouldnt tske the time to really explain what it ment, how to deal with it ect ect.

- extremely impulsive and find it difficult to control
- can be intolerent to noise
- angry and aggresive
- when i have an 'episode' if you like, im destructive to everyone and everything around me, and when im 'that person' i feel absolutely no guilt in what i say or do, i even try to say hurtful things to get a reaction.
- dont leave the house if i dont have to.
- avoid all public encounters even with friends and family, could not for example go into town and be around such a high volume of people
- no public transport
- been offered several group sessions, but will only attend one on one.
- extreme dreams of being tortured
- dreams of my son being killed
- the dreams feel so real, im different after experiencing one.
- violent thoughts of killing people (can be anyone from family to a passer by in the street)
- self harm
- suicidal thoughts
- after an 'episode' i dont always remember exactly how things happened
- feel on high alert
- easily stressed/triggered
- elavated emoiton (not love its head over heals, its not anger its rage, if you understand what i mean)
- wont go to most places unattended
- find it difficult to say whats in my head
- find it difficult to speak to people or socialise.
- no self worth
- unstable relationships
- extremely literal and completely miss the point on things, or have no idea what someone means when they use a phrase im unfamilar with, if someone tells me theyll be 5 mins im pacing looking at the clock the second 5 mins has passed.
- lash out in sleep

So theres a few things in no order, probably forgotten several as this is of the top of my head and i find it difficult store lots of info. But on what ive said what do you people think? Ive explained how i feel to my ex partner and she thought i could have bipolar, bpd or even aspergers, I have no idea how to make sense of everything, the doctors ect havent been very helpful at all, so i dont really understand. I just need to make sense of it so i can get better, i raise my son almost full time and i need to be the best i can be for him.

Thanks
 
I am not a doctor so I can't diagnose you. I can confirm that your symptoms sound to me like PTSD as I recognize most of the symptoms you mentioned in myself. (I have PTSD that was first diagnosed in 1990)

It is also possible that you have another disorder as well, such as depression or any of the others you have mentioned, but that doesn't mean that you do have them just that it is a possibility. I would recommend getting a full psychiatric evaluation of your mental and emotional health thru a licensed psychiatrist or trained trauma therapist. This way you don't have to guess as to your full diagnosis.

This site is full of information on PTSD. Information that you will need to make sense of things. I suggest reading the articles and to continue posting about your experiences as doing both of these things can be a tremendous help.

I wish you the best,
Lionheart777

PS: I had limited memory of my trauma in the beginning as well.
 
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There’s a misconception in pop-culture that PTSD is about being the most scared, or in the most pain, that you’ve ever been in. It’s not. Lots of people are super calm, or distant, or even excited, in love, or happy. Your emotional state during your trauma doesn’t matter. Fear and pain are not required at all.

What’s required are very specific types of trauma. Life threatening or sexual assault + a constellation of symptoms that isn’t better explained by another disorder or condition, and aren’t caused by drugs or medication.

So, nope. You don’t have to remember the event. And a lot of people have short term amnesia surrounding massive physical trauma, especially those which include head injuries. That still go on to develop PTSD because (and hopefully you’re not sick of me saying this, yet ;)) you don’t have to remember it, or have felt a certain way. You simply have to have lived through it.

There are a lot of disorders that share symptoms with PTSD. TBI is one of them. TBI is also a common co-morbid diagnosis. IE someone has both PTSD and a TBI. Which can be a bit of a pain, because you can be experiencing the same symptom from both disorders, or today it could be from PTSD but tomorrow from the TBI. So one has to learn both skill sets and learn to apply them both, as something of an ongoing experiment to see what sticks. As you get better at applying them it usually becomes more clear by “feel” (this feels like TBI anxiety, this feels like PTSD anxiety) where the symptom is coming from. But it’s a learning process.

Welcome.
 
I think it would be a good idea to look into TBI and PTSD as Co-morbid disorders. I can’t diagnose you or confirm a diagnosis, but I can say that having two disorders piggybacking off each other can make things infinitely more complex. I’m dealing with that right now and just today I started the testing to figure out exactly what is going on. My therapist and I know there’s something more going on, but we’re not exactly sure what that something is. She did tell me that it’s going to be difficult to determine what is ptsd and what is the other disorder, especially since some symptoms make total sense in the scope of ptsd, but go against the other (potential) disorder.
 
HI @Psychotic and welcome to the forum. It is an interesting choice of name. I had psychotic experiences when I was first diagnosed with CPTSD, but I was told that was normal in the circumstances - and it passed.

I don't think there is any need for you to actively remember the traumatic event. Your brain will have the memory and I suspect you were also traumatised when your friends told you what they had witnessed happening to you.

I think the important thing is your response to the diagnosis - are you getting therapy of some sort now?
 
Psychotic may be an interesting choice of name, its been a username i use for a long time, even before the event. I dont really know i guess it feels right as odd as that may sound.

As for treatment, ive seen ALOT of doctors and well none of them really seem interested in my thoughts ect. Though i do have an appointment with a new psychiatrist in a few weeks so hopefully that goes well.

Now i know everyone says dont self diagnose ect, i think i have something else firstly i looked into bpd and bipolar, with alot of things being similar im not really convinced on those. Anyway, i typed what i believe to be my main problem into google and something called IED came up, impulsive explosive disorder and this sounds so much like what i feel. I guess ill bring it up and ask for the psychiatrists opinion on it
 
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