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Relationship Ptsd breakup-help!

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Smac5

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Hi. I’ve spent a lot of time reading these posts, trying to understand what was happening in my relationship but I thought it was time to post. I am just feeling quite lost and devastated and am now turning to this forum.

6 months ago I met a man that won my heart in the matter of days-and I am not someone who falls in love at the drop of a hat. He was so sure about me, about us, right from the start. He made me promise to be open and honest and he would do the same. We talked about what our ideal relationships would look like and we wanted the same things. We talked about our future, and any challenge we faced, we did it together.
I’m a child and youth therapist who was already suffering from anxiety, depression and burnout when we met. He was a Marine and was very open about his trauma and gave me subtle warnings of PTSD and I saw glimpses of isolation and withdrawing but only for a day or two.
I flew us to Mexico for a couple weeks and we both hoped that it would take the pressure off our lives. He was starting (now I can see) to exhibit signs of withdrawal and I was practically suicidal from my own situation. Mexico was not easy (for me mostly) but he really stepped up and he was a dream man there. We ended up having a wonderful time and he was so loving and grateful.
The day after we returned, he changed. It started with extreme guilt over not being a good parent to his kids. He used this as the original excuse to push me away. He refused to see me. When he did, he would apologize and hold me but was still not himself. I went downhill quickly as I had no idea how to process that a man that adored me only a week or two ago, no longer could communicate or even look at me. I was able to gather myself and offer support to him for the most part but I did breakdown a couple times and tell him how hurt I was-which only caused him anger. After 3 weeks, and very little contact, he decided I was (or our relationship) causing too much anger and he ended our relationship. I am devastated. When he came to drop off my stuff, he said that he needs to do this (get help) on his own. He has reached out to his doctor and Veteran Affairs for help. But I’m struggling to process how our loving and open relationship became one where he hates and blames me for his pain. I guess I have to accept it’s over, but part of me wonders if he’s ever going to snap out of his crisis mode and acknowledge his hurtful behavior and be the man I fell in love with. That man was always there to listen, be accountable and gentle.
I had been healing and doing all the right things for my own sake in spite of our painful interactions but now with the breakup, I’m dealing with heartache. I feel so hurt and tossed away, like maybe I never knew the man I loved so deeply.
 
You know, after spending hours reading these postings, I don’t think I have a question because I recognize that he is just another man who is suffering from PTSD and I am another supporter who got hurt in the complexity of it. There are no answers to his behaviors except for PTSD. I guess I just needed to write out my experience. Thanks for reading.
 
Sometimes it helps to write it out. You never know who you might be helping when they read your story. He may have been having trouble naming his feelings when describing why the relationship wasn't working for him. That communication component is pretty key to not only any successful relationship, but also his therapy. And if he doesn't want help with his process you can't force it. I would suggest you work on being the best most amazing better you. Get lost in yourself and keep yourself whole. It may take a year or more to get over him, but you'll be better for it.
 
Hi. I’ve spent a lot of time reading these posts, trying to understand what was happening in my relatio...

I have been reading a lot of these posts lately as well. My significant with combat PTSD other has abruptly packed up all of his belongings from my house and won’t answer my texts or phone calls. We were going to be moving in together, however he has been dragging his feet about it and it’s to the point where my kids and I are going to have to move in with my parents. I confronted him on moving in together and I told him I didn’t want it to be a stressful situation for him and it would really help me out if he could tell me if he wanted to move in together still. I got no response from him. I told him he shut down when I tried talking to him and his only response has been, “Do I?” The rest of last week, he avoided me at all costs and has been really cold to me if he does respond. I feel like this could be PTSD related as April 25th was the anniversary of his military buddy’s suicide. I appear to be the only person he’s withdrawing from and treating badly. Is this PTSD related or is he just an a—?
 
Sounds like fight or flight to me, he’s taken off and decided to avoid the situation. It took us over 3 years (on and off relationship due to PTSD symptoms) to commit to moving in together, and I purposed dropped the idea into his mind 6 months prior, because I knew it would overwhelm him and seem to fast if we decided and shortly after moved in together. I wanted it to sink in for a good 6 months prior. It ended up being 3 months early and today (were breaking up/fighting) and he mentioned that I moved in 3 months earlier than planned and that it bothered him. I told him “what’s the difference it was going to happen anyways” and it’s just crazy to me to think like - is everything and ever step in our life going to be this challenging and difficult? Do we even have a future together at this point?
 
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