Sufferer PTSD from childhood abuse (now I'm in college)

OakTree123

New Here
Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 (almost 21!) year old college student and I was very recently diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood abuse. This summer I decided to go no-contact with my abuser. This was a huge step for me, and I am very proud of myself, but it has come with its own set of challenges. I'm facing a lot of grief, many flashbacks, and a lot of anxiety, among other things. Unfortunately, the friends I have opened up to have not been supportive in the ways I need them to be. I understand that many of my friends cannot relate to what I have been through and that makes it difficult for them to know how to respond...however, this has left me feeling very isolated and sometimes invalidated and/or unwanted. I feel that the abuse I survived is part of me and my identity, even if I don't like it. It is a huge part of me and sometimes it can feel all-consuming. I suppose I am looking for other people who suffer from PTSD (particularly due to childhood abuse) who can relate to these feelings because too much of the time I find myself being completely overwhelmed and no where to turn.
 

Weezley

Confident
Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 (almost 21!) year old college student and I was very recently diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood abuse. This summer I decided to go no-contact with my abuser. This was a huge step for me, and I am very proud of myself, but it has come with its own set of challenges. I'm facing a lot of grief, many flashbacks, and a lot of anxiety, among other things. Unfortunately, the friends I have opened up to have not been supportive in the ways I need them to be. I understand that many of my friends cannot relate to what I have been through and that makes it difficult for them to know how to respond...however, this has left me feeling very isolated and sometimes invalidated and/or unwanted. I feel that the abuse I survived is part of me and my identity, even if I don't like it. It is a huge part of me and sometimes it can feel all-consuming. I suppose I am looking for other people who suffer from PTSD (particularly due to childhood abuse) who can relate to these feelings because too much of the time I find myself being completely overwhelmed and no where to turn.
I'm sorry for all that your going threw. But you've truelly found a great place filled with alot of great people. I'm still pretty new to this forum and dealing with ptsd but I understand what your going threw. I was abused in many different ways as a child and now at 34 it's all coming to the surface. Just know your not alone. What are you going to collage for if you don't mind me asking. I've been thinking about going back to school but have no idea what I want to learn. Lol
 

OakTree123

New Here
I'm sorry for all that your going threw. But you've truelly found a great place filled with alot of great people. I'm still pretty new to this forum and dealing with ptsd but I understand what your going threw. I was abused in many different ways as a child and now at 34 it's all coming to the surface. Just know your not alone. What are you going to collage for if you don't mind me asking. I've been thinking about going back to school but have no idea what I want to learn. Lol
Thank you for responding and for your kind words. :) It's really nice to know that you can relate to what I'm going through! But I'm really sorry that you suffered through abuse too and that you are dealing with PTSD.

I'm studying biology! Not quite sure what I want to do with a bio degree yet but I'm really enjoying it.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @OakTree123, I was nearly murdered when I was at college and was dissociating all the time. The people at college abused and humiliated me. It was horrendous. I'm sorry for what happened to you. Are you in therapy? I think it's very difficult for other people to understand PTSD and most people won't research it.
 

OakTree123

New Here
Hi @OakTree123, I was nearly murdered when I was at college and was dissociating all the time. The people at college abused and humiliated me. It was horrendous. I'm sorry for what happened to you. Are you in therapy? I think it's very difficult for other people to understand PTSD and most people won't research it.
Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. That is a horrifying experience and then to have people abuse and humiliate you after is so absolutely terrible and disgusting. I'm so sorry. You are a very strong person! Though I'm sure sometimes it doesn't feel fair that you have to be so strong all the time.

Yeah, I am in therapy now and I have a good therapist. Before I was with this one, I had a really bad therapist who would have me recount trauma and then that was basically it. So I would kind of become re-traumatized after every session. At first I thought therapy was just like that, but now that I've found a different therapist, I realize that it shouldn't be that way. Now I'm much more comfortable and, even though therapy is still hard, it feels much safer.

It does seem really difficult for people to understand PTSD. It leaves me unsure of what to do, if I should continue to try to open up to my close friends or if I should just keep this part of me to myself. I don't want to lose friendships because they don't or can't react the way I would like them too...but also it leaves me wondering if they truly care about me or if they just like the parts of me that are fun/not a burden. (Hopefully that makes sense.)
 

RussellSue

Not Active
I understand that many of my friends cannot relate to what I have been through and that makes it difficult for them to know how to respond
I went through this with my friends when I was your age, only I was not so aware as you are that they really didn't know how to handle me. Ultimately, I ended up taking a lot more damage because I felt very hurt and abandoned over how they dealt with me and I didn't always handle it well. I had, unfortunately, expected my friends to take up the role of my family because my family was not in my life. That worked out horribly and I would not wish those hopes on anyone.

I think that it is great and healthy that you are here and seeking support from people who have been through similar experiences. It took me a long, long time to understand that no matter what a person's intentions are, they only have their own experiences and cannot easily empathize with the suffering of others if it is not like anything they have experienced. That said, most of the world we encounter "out there" isn't coping with our trauma and doesn't understand it. If you can build up allies who do understand, in places like this, however, it does make it easier to cope with that.

We are, after all, social creatures. Losing our ability to be social with our peers due to trauma (or anything) creates a major obstacle in the socialization department. But we must socialize, nevertheless. Not doing so is horrible for people.

I am glad you are here. I hope you are able to find the support/socialization that you need.
 

Weezley

Confident
Thank you for responding and for your kind words. :) It's really nice to know that you can relate to what I'm going through! But I'm really sorry that you suffered through abuse too and that you are dealing with PTSD.

I'm studying biology! Not quite sure what I want to do with a bio degree yet but I'm really enjoying it.
Not a problame oak. :) And thanks. It's definitely not easy to make it threw what we have.

Cant go wrong with bio. Most people don't have a clue what there going to do with there degree. So your not alone on that. As long as your enjoying the now I don't think it matters all to much.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. That is a horrifying experience and then to have people abuse and humiliate you after is so absolutely terrible and disgusting. I'm so sorry. You are a very strong person! Though I'm sure sometimes it doesn't feel fair that you have to be so strong all the time.

Yeah, I am in therapy now and I have a good therapist. Before I was with this one, I had a really bad therapist who would have me recount trauma and then that was basically it. So I would kind of become re-traumatized after every session. At first I thought therapy was just like that, but now that I've found a different therapist, I realize that it shouldn't be that way. Now I'm much more comfortable and, even though therapy is still hard, it feels much safer.

It does seem really difficult for people to understand PTSD. It leaves me unsure of what to do, if I should continue to try to open up to my close friends or if I should just keep this part of me to myself. I don't want to lose friendships because they don't or can't react the way I would like them too...but also it leaves me wondering if they truly care about me or if they just like the parts of me that are fun/not a burden. (Hopefully that makes sense.)
It's a bit like a game, opening up to people. I let the information trickle in. Some people just don't get it so to them I just hide it. But certain other people I will say that I have PTSD and how I'm feeling.
 

OakTree123

New Here
I went through this with my friends when I was your age, only I was not so aware as you are that they really didn't know how to handle me. Ultimately, I ended up taking a lot more damage because I felt very hurt and abandoned over how they dealt with me and I didn't always handle it well. I had, unfortunately, expected my friends to take up the role of my family because my family was not in my life. That worked out horribly and I would not wish those hopes on anyone.

I think that it is great and healthy that you are here and seeking support from people who have been through similar experiences. It took me a long, long time to understand that no matter what a person's intentions are, they only have their own experiences and cannot easily empathize with the suffering of others if it is not like anything they have experienced. That said, most of the world we encounter "out there" isn't coping with our trauma and doesn't understand it. If you can build up allies who do understand, in places like this, however, it does make it easier to cope with that.

We are, after all, social creatures. Losing our ability to be social with our peers due to trauma (or anything) creates a major obstacle in the socialization department. But we must socialize, nevertheless. Not doing so is horrible for people.

I am glad you are here. I hope you are able to find the support/socialization that you need.
Thank you for sharing that with me! It's really helpful to know that you have also had this experience of wanting friends to take up a supportive role but also knowing that they are unable to give you the support you need. We definitely are social creatures and I think we all want to be understood by others, which is why it can be so hard when people you care about don't understand. I am trying to find a place for feeling close to my friends while not putting pressure on them to support me...while also trying to figure out if some of them are just unable to support me vs. people who may actually not care very much for my wellbeing, if that makes sense. It's a little bit confusing.

Thank you again for sharing and for your kind words! I'm glad I'm here too. :)

Not a problame oak. :) And thanks. It's definitely not easy to make it threw what we have.

Cant go wrong with bio. Most people don't have a clue what there going to do with there degree. So your not alone on that. As long as your enjoying the now I don't think it matters all to much.
:) Haha, very true! As long as you are doing something you like, there is no way to go wrong. If you end up going back to school, you'll have to let me know what you choose to study!

It's a bit like a game, opening up to people. I let the information trickle in. Some people just don't get it so to them I just hide it. But certain other people I will say that I have PTSD and how I'm feeling.
Yeah, that totally makes sense. I'm only very recently diagnosed and beginning to face some of the things that happened to me, so hopefully it will get a little easier to manage friendships as time goes on.
 

AngelkeeperJ

Sponsor
Welcome to the Forum. ☮️ 💟
I'm sorry that you have the need of such a place but I'm glad you found us. In July I will have been a member here for 10 years and I can say that I have been blessed by the relationships that I have found here!

You will find compassion, support and honest opinions. Don't be afraid to ask the staff questions as they are quick to help and guide.

I hope your journey will be as smooth as possible💙
 

OakTree123

New Here
Welcome to the Forum. ☮️ 💟
I'm sorry that you have the need of such a place but I'm glad you found us. In July I will have been a member here for 10 years and I can say that I have been blessed by the relationships that I have found here!

You will find compassion, support and honest opinions. Don't be afraid to ask the staff questions as they are quick to help and guide.

I hope your journey will be as smooth as possible💙
Thank you so much!!! :) It's really reassuring to hear that you have been here for a while and have found it to be such a great space. I feel lucky to have found it. The several people I have already talked to have been so kind that I feel welcome already. Thanks again. :)
 

ziva

New Here
Hi everyone,

I'm a 20 (almost 21!) year old college student and I was very recently diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood abuse. This summer I decided to go no-contact with my abuser. This was a huge step for me, and I am very proud of myself, but it has come with its own set of challenges. I'm facing a lot of grief, many flashbacks, and a lot of anxiety, among other things. Unfortunately, the friends I have opened up to have not been supportive in the ways I need them to be. I understand that many of my friends cannot relate to what I have been through and that makes it difficult for them to know how to respond...however, this has left me feeling very isolated and sometimes invalidated and/or unwanted. I feel that the abuse I survived is part of me and my identity, even if I don't like it. It is a huge part of me and sometimes it can feel all-consuming. I suppose I am looking for other people who suffer from PTSD (particularly due to childhood abuse) who can relate to these feelings because too much of the time I find myself being completely overwhelmed and no where to turn.
Hi!!! Wow we are about the same age (I’m 21) and i understand where you’re coming from, i have opened up to the ppl close to me and they haven’t responded in ways that made me feel heard or understood, and for me that’s a big issue because it makes me feel as tho they’re not actually listening - even tho they are if that makes sense. Like they’re unable to empathize because they haven’t experienced what i have. And because of this is typically isolate myself as well (which ends up intensifying my anxiety and depression). Have you experienced nightmares too?? That’s something that I’ve bee struggling w too lately. Nightmares, insomnia, and yes grief. Paranoia too.
 
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