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Message: <blockquote data-quote="OakTree123" data-source="post: 1721246" data-attributes="member: 50353">Thank you so much for your kind words. Your response really means a lot to me since you have had experience with dealing with relationships after childhood abuse. I'm sorry for what you have been through too. Yeah, that totally makes sense. I can definitely understand that my friends may just not know what to say or that they don't know exactly how to support me. I try to remind myself that because I don't want to blame them. I know my friends care about me and it's really not fair to ask a couple of 20 year olds to become trauma-support experts. I told my two best friends (vaguely) about the abuse and starting trauma therapy. They were nice  about it, but eventually one of them texted our group chat to ask me how it was going. I told them the truth, that I'm going through a really hard time. And neither of them responded to me. I was really hurt by that, because I felt like I had opened up a part of me to them that I wouldn't tell anyone I don't completely trust. Later, I told them that I wasn't looking for advice, and that I knew they probably didn't know what to say, but that I was really just looking to talk with them and have them be kind and understanding. I suppose I was looking for reassurance. I gave them some examples of things they could say if they were really at a loss - like "that's difficult" or "I hear you"...you know, stuff like that. And I told them if they really weren't sure, they could even literally ask me what do I need. At first they seemed to be understanding but they kind of left the conversation like "we aren't really sure what to say to you".  I took this as a nice way of them saying they would rather not talk about it because they don't have the resources to help me in the way I want. So it has left me feeling like it's better off not talked about. I feel like it's more hurtful for me to open up and not get a response than to just remain silent about everything. But it's also very difficult to stay silent because I feel like this is an encompassing part of my life now. I have just begun to accept that my childhood was abusive. I feel like I'm doing a complete 180 and realizing that I had a completely different life than I originally thought. It's like I just woke up in a new life and found out I have a totally different identity, if that makes sense. And so, to keep this part of me from my closest friends, also feels weird. It's like they don't know me at all. Maybe you can relate to that feeling? And maybe it will go away with time? I'm having such a difficult time balancing understanding my friends but also knowing when to stick up for myself.</blockquote>

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