Ptsd Is Going To Destroy My Relationship

[oncethriced]

I am madly in love with my girlfriend, though we have not been together a year. She is so gentle and sweet to me. Not to mention patient. She is one of the few people left in my life upon me trying to take my own life in December. She is a very big support of mine. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD in December (along with other typica comorbidities) stemming from years of sexual abuse as a child and have had very little success in finding treatment in my area. I am horrified of the aspect that this is going to ruin my relationship with everyone I love. But, mainly her. She did not sign up for this. The paranoia, the running thoughts, the overt need for attention. I have been suffering from extreme nightmares and flashbacks daily and I am afraid to discuss them with her to high degree in fear she may think I'm just crazy. Lately, I have has very bad anger during days I'm stuck on my abuse. She is on the receiving end most of the time. I don't think she is well versed at all on this disease and the extreme implications it has on me on a daily basis. It makes me extremely irritable sometimes. I just need any input from anyone whose been in a similar situation. I love her more than anything in this world and I won't let this disease take her away. But, I don't want her to think I'm crazy. I'm selfconcius about it. I wish there was some easier way go convey to her that I truly need more help from her so I won't let this define me. What has worked for you guys? Any suggestions for small reading material? I have said horrible things out of anger and frustration. I do not want to Chase away the best thing to happen to me.

 

[Friday]

some easier way go convey to her that I truly need more help from her

What kind of help?

 

[Sighs]

As hard as it is, you've got to talk to her. She can't possibly understand if you don't give her the chance.

As far as reading material goes, Dianne English's book The PTSD Relationship.

 

[oncethriced]

What kind of help?

When I have bad nightmares at night and wake up, I feel very unsafe and afraid. I just want to wake her up sometimes, though that'd be frequently.

I have a lot of roaming thoughts throughout the day if I had a nightmare in the previous night, and I don't think she can catch it. But, I'm afraid to talk about those situations. I guess I just need to find a way to express to her that I need more support without seeming like I'm too Imposing.

 

[Sighs]

My vet wakes me up to 'chat' at 3am often. It used to really annoy me until he admitted that it meant he had had a nightmare and just needed to talk. Trust me - its a LOT easier to be supportive when you have some idea what is behind the behaviour.