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Relationship PTSD relationship

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JKM63

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I am in a 5 plus year relationship with a loved one who moved in with me 4 months ago. I recently had a heart Attack and consequently surgery, when I was being released from the hospital they said I would need somebody with me 24 - 7 for the next week to 10 days. We came home and things where okay, the last few weeks before she moved out she became quiet and less spontaneous as she used to. Then in December she decided to move out because she was having PTSD Symptoms and wasn't feeling right, that she would go to what she called a bad place, where she wasn't able to show the love she use to. So she moved out and said it was the hardest thing for her to do and that she needs to get help, so she can be fully in the relationship how we where. She had a husband that passed away from cancer, he deteriorated during that process and she became the caregiver, for her husband and the kids. She says that my incident triggered the feelings of not sure if she could go thru another caregiver situation.

She says that the love is there and that she loves me maybe too much, that this has brought a all i can give you is friendship for now, until I figure out if she can be fixed. I get upset and worried about our relationship and how much love was there, and my reaction is wanting to fix this for her and get back on the road to the future. But I am always thinking negative and I know I should be supportive and be there for her, because that is what Loved ones should do. She is always thinking of ,y feelings or me moving on if I didn't want to be patient and wait for her to get help.

How should I help, when everything I have read is about patience, understanding, and space???

Please help
 
First of all, I hope you’re feeling better and making sure to take care of yourself. Don’t downplay your own health issues because of her mental state. YOU and your heart attack didn’t trigger her... SHE was triggered, and that’s her issue to own. It happened in her head, and it’s her responsibility. Do not carry any blame or guilt for “causing” anything. You did not. Personally, I’m sorry you couldn’t recuperate in peace. I’ve had loved ones who’ve been down that road, and I know how hard and scary it was for them.

The hard thing about being a supporter is accepting the fact that you can’t help or fix them, and that you can’t really do anything to make them feel better. She has to do that on her own. You can be supportive and respect her boundaries, but that’s really about all you can do right now. Sometimes the only things really are patience, understanding and space.

You are allowed to have feelings, and they are just as valid and important as hers.
 
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