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Sufferer PTSD remission ended by recent stressors

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StarAnise

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Hello

Informally diagnosed on three occasions before a formal diagnosis in 2008. The cause of it involves being trapped in a building (The PTSD is not because of claustrophobia, obviously).

It's done my head in. The whole thing did my head in for eleven years. I recovered, for it to then return six years later. After two years of that... It seems to have now stopped. Hopefully.

This time, the issue was a house move. That led to ending up living in a hotel. I'm finally now in the right house but the move into it has been complicated. There was three to four months of sleep issues that now seems to have stopped. Because of that, I'm not entirely confident that I'm in the right house and area for putting my PTSD into a lifelong hibernation.

My primary issue with PTSD is the traumatic nightmares. They become an absolutely horrendous life that is turned upside down. Most people live in the day and sleep at night. Some people have a bad life at night for a tired, dysfunctional day. To me, everything else can be managed in that there's something that can be done about it when I'm awake. That's not so easy when the issue is at night, whilst unconscious.

In the past, after years of not managing to reduce that particular symptom, I reached suicidal levels and left my home when I then couldn't go back. I became someone literally looking for somewhere to sleep that might mean not having nightmares. I ended up in a hotel and then I was put in touch with someone who might have 'the right house' (someone with a 'home PTSD' that they had custom built around them). Immediately, it was the right layout for me. It all immediately settled into a routine with periods of nightmares that took place with a lesser frequency to before. When I moved from one room in the house to another, a year or two later, I had 'breaks'. Periods of time without it. Suddenly, there was such a thing as 'an episode'. It was the best it had ever been.

By then, my original friend who owned the house had moved out and my friend who put us in touch had moved in... Who then became my partner. In 2014, we moved on into our own chosen home together. It was a calculated move at an opportune time. To us, the situation was drastic simply because although my PTSD stayed and at it's best... It was still predictably there with the 'night time PTSD' symptom still being a problem. Because of the length of time that had gone on for and my reduced PTSD hadn't continued on in that house, then it became a drastic situation to us. We wanted a child. The nightmares were there a little too often for reliably trusting my PTSD with a pregnancy. Nobody pregnant is waking up in sobbing, sweating state or otherwise waking up as they bolt up or out of their bed in the night. Because they don't manage to stay pregnant.

We found a new home for us. It was what we wanted for a lifestyle but as it happened, it also took moving to that whole new lifestyle that had absolutely no resemblance to my previous normal life at all for me to see the end of PTSD. I'd never even seen a working farm in real life before. I was away from all of my former life that was involved in the development of PTSD and I just kept my selected people in life, as normal.

The move itself involved a sensitive process so that I 'bonded' with the Farm. Then neither of us were to speak about anything related to the PTSD at all. That was not difficult because we were not near anything that even reminded me of my own life, itself. There were some very distant reminders that were easier to manage without it causing me a problem and those were fine to talk about. It just seemed to boil down to a positive whole change of lifestyle in 'the right house', which was a farm with no neighbours (noise control) and four entrances/exits to agree how to manage... With controlled social visits to our home by 'invite only' (as far as was reasonably possible).

My 'night PTSD' reduced to being so infrequent that it was occasional. Essentially, recovered. I couldn't say it was taking place in any regular way. (My 'night PTSD' feels like a second PTSD to any day PTSD but it is actually the same PTSD). It was nice to find that when a traumatic nightmare happened, we wondered why and just 'waited it out' to see if it persisted, which it didn't. The only worry was that it was just as extreme as all PTSD nightmares ever were by the physicality of it. So we always knew to keep an eye on that because achieving pregnancy was still something we wanted. That never happened because my partner (who became my husband) then died. We had started IVF but he became quickly unwell with incurable cancer.

I'm 36. In general, PTSD still wasn't a part of my life until the stress of a house move had to take place after Richard died. The landlord wanted the farm building back. The news was earlier than expected. We were told when we moved in that we could rely on having five years there. It was a year early. So I had to start packing just four months after he had died. There were problems with the next house and then it settled in a different living arrangement on a temporary basis but then when a planned move didn't take place in 2020, I ended up in a hotel with 'night PTSD' again. It's been a traumatic time in itself but I'm now in my own home that, as a house, is fine. I'm just hoping that now that it's stopped that it's stopped for good.
 
Hi staranise,
I just wanted to welcome you here. There is lots of help and resources on this site. I have had night terrors for over twenty years. I only recently realized that these were flashbacks to a trauma that I never knew happened. Hopefully yours will pass soon so you can move on to a better life!
 
Hi Lostlotus

Thank you for the welcome. I'm sorry your nights are so traumatic, too. I wish that part of my brain could be cut out.

I am definitely looking to get back my better life. I want to feel like I did when I was with Richard. It's much better than it was, I can't describe how horrendous it's been. It is like nobody could ever understand. It's not the same as having my love of my life wake me up when a nightmare begins so that it doesn't wake me, first... Nobody around me understands that. I just sort of trust in others here knowing something of it, in their own way.

It's better than it was! (On repeat...)
 
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