PTSD triggered Sunday night and still struggling to get a grip

[OptimisticRealist]

I'm usually on the supporter's side, but this is about my own struggles. I witnessed multiple instances of domestic abuse of my best friend/girlfriend by her ex when she tried to divorce him in Jan of 2019, then I actually helped her leave him for real in May 2019, after which he threatened to kill me, stalked us, chased us in cars, came to my mom's house looking for her and scared my mom, scared my brother, and my girlfriend was so afraid he would find me and kill me she wouldn't let me go to work alone for several weeks. I do lawn care and can't see the street and do my job, so she would sit in the car and keep lookout. I thought I was fine, no symptoms, just did what needed doing for our safety, but for the past several months, the few times I've seen him in person, I have terrible panic attacks and anxiety that lasts for days afterwards. I saw him Sunday night unexpectedly, in the house that I got my girlfriend so she could be free from him financially too, he appeared out of nowhere to help with the kids. I can't get a grip and just needed to vent here because I know everyone here will understand

 

[JadeB.]

I didn't realize you have PTSD.,I think it's the first time you've mentioned it.

That sure complicates the issues you're having with your GF, doesn't it?

Was it your current therapist that diagnosed you? Are you working on it with him/her?

 

[OptimisticRealist]

I actually just had therapy, and yes, my therapist and I have deemed it "like ptsd", I haven't gone through a full evaluation, but considering I get triggered every time I see him, which results in me obsessing over every horrible thing I saw, heard, didn't stop him from doing, running from him, hiding from him, etc etc etc, I think it may be pretty accurate. We decided today that I'm just going to not put myself in any situation where I see him. That's easy enough, and EMDR is also an option, but I don't know if I want to go there yet.

Yes, it kind of complicates things with my gf, but since she's in an almost constant state of dissociation right now, and we're not seeing each other in person except maybe once a week, I can just do my thing and wait until she's more functional. I told her we can't hang out if there's a chance I will see him since he helps with the kids on occasion at night, and she said she understands. So it's not awful, just inconvenient. I'm a very A type personality, so my real struggle is with not being able to control the fact that I have flashbacky panic attacks. Blech.

 

[RussellSue]

I'm usually on the supporter's side, but this is about my own struggles. I witnessed multiple instances of domestic abuse of my best friend/girlfriend by her ex when she tried to divorce him in Jan of 2019, then I actually helped her leave him for real in May 2019, after which he threatened to kill me, stalked us, chased us in cars, came to my mom's house looking for her and scared my mom, scared my brother, and my girlfriend was so afraid he would find me and kill me she wouldn't let me go to work alone for several weeks. I do lawn care and can't see the street and do my job, so she would sit in the car and keep lookout. I thought I was fine, no symptoms, just did what needed doing for our safety, but for the past several months, the few times I've seen him in person, I have terrible panic attacks and anxiety that lasts for days afterwards. I saw him Sunday night unexpectedly, in the house that I got my girlfriend so she could be free from him financially too, he appeared out of nowhere to help with the kids. I can't get a grip and just needed to vent here because I know everyone here will understand

The worst flashback I ever had took a damned long time to recover from. I was habitually anxious, sleeping little, overly alert, suspicious as hell and unreasonably analytical for longer than I care to admit.

I don't know that there is any cure for this but self-care matters a lot. I had to go as easy on myself as possible for a while and eventually I got (most of) my brain back.

I hope you are able to not see this guy for a while.

 

[OptimisticRealist]

I've bounced back pretty fast, but I'm definitely overly-analytical and still a bit anxious. And yeah, I'll be avoiding any potential chance to see him, that I can control at least ?