Leighlee87
Confident
I've noticed I'm doing it, and that I'm scared of her even though she hasn't given me any reason to be.
I think emdr might have something to do with it. We've finally hit some of the core issues. We're taking a break for a couple weeks cause I was/am having a really hard time with it. I know I need to go back and wrap it up. I need to do it for myself. But even the thought of doing any more EMDR work is enough to make me want to cry.
The experience of it makes me feel incredibly vulnerable, and realizing how dependent I am on her to get me through this scares the shit out of me and is a large part of why I'm behaving the way I am. I'm scared that I'll need her there and she won't come to rescue me. I hate the fact that I need her to help me navigate in the first place. I absolutely hate when she sits back and let's me struggle cause she knows I can do it. Right now I feel too overwhelmed and scared to try to fight through it myself.
Not to mention, for the first time since developing ptsd, I'm starting to feel emotions again. And that realization is terrifying because I don't feel equipped to handle everything I've pushed back--it still feels raw and hurts too much to touch. Combine this with the realization that she has been pushing me to cry in sessions lately. Usually, when I find myself on the verge of tears she pauses to let me compose myself. But lately, she's been pushing me to keep going and not giving me that space to collect myself.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the fear of everything-emdr, my own emotions, her. I hate feeling this way and I hate feeling this vulnerable and scared.
I think emdr might have something to do with it. We've finally hit some of the core issues. We're taking a break for a couple weeks cause I was/am having a really hard time with it. I know I need to go back and wrap it up. I need to do it for myself. But even the thought of doing any more EMDR work is enough to make me want to cry.
The experience of it makes me feel incredibly vulnerable, and realizing how dependent I am on her to get me through this scares the shit out of me and is a large part of why I'm behaving the way I am. I'm scared that I'll need her there and she won't come to rescue me. I hate the fact that I need her to help me navigate in the first place. I absolutely hate when she sits back and let's me struggle cause she knows I can do it. Right now I feel too overwhelmed and scared to try to fight through it myself.
Not to mention, for the first time since developing ptsd, I'm starting to feel emotions again. And that realization is terrifying because I don't feel equipped to handle everything I've pushed back--it still feels raw and hurts too much to touch. Combine this with the realization that she has been pushing me to cry in sessions lately. Usually, when I find myself on the verge of tears she pauses to let me compose myself. But lately, she's been pushing me to keep going and not giving me that space to collect myself.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the fear of everything-emdr, my own emotions, her. I hate feeling this way and I hate feeling this vulnerable and scared.