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General Question About Contact

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Sexting is safe....my guy loves that. But intimacy is scary. Sex is okay with a minimum of intimacy....frustrating as f***! He is working at it....in his head he wants intimacy and he is getting better at it...primarily because I had enough after two years of push-pull and him pulling further and further away. I walked away and he chased me like crazy. We are giving it a go again and I have finally reached a point where it is okay he can’t do relationship. We are exclusive but not in a relationship...figure that one out. But I am more okay with that now. It is quite common for sufferers not to have a big sex drive...my guy loves sex, but he has periods, where he doesn’t think about sex.
Don’t take it personally.....I still struggle with that ?....PTSD is a bitch and a very bumpy ride. You can either get off the ride for good or stay on and gradually learn not to take it personally....which for me is getting easier....and that only took about three years? As a supporter we have to learn both intellectually and emotionally that our sufferer is doing the best they can to open up to us. We have to decide if this is the kind of relationship we want. I am giving him a chance again to open up without me pushing for time and intimacy which I did for two years.....for the first time, I am not pushing for intimacy....if he doesn’t open up gradually then I will offer him my friendship and nothing more....and it won’t hurt as bad as it did before.

The sexting and want for me and only me at times gets a bit confusing. He’ll have a busy stressful week, almost every week, keeps contact but is kinda dry with his responses, he knows the one boundary I have is to keep communication with me so I know he’s okay. So during the weekends where he doesn’t have his son, he calls, texts more, and seems to want me more. Just isn’t comfortable enough to actually see eachother face to face. He did mention over the phone that he’s planning a trip for us. I can relate verbatim to everything you’ve dealt with @Butterfly64. Last year was difficult. We spent 11 months broken up, 5 out of those 11 months, we spent having constant contact, seeing eachother, and treating eachother as if we are in a relationship without actually being back together. Everytime I even mentioned the relationship it would be 2-3 days of isolation followed by an apology and comment on how he isn’t good enough for me or questioning what I loved about him. He had suicidal days, checked into the VA hospital, started going to support groups, got back on his meds, and began going to church. Took a break for a while and focused all my time on me. Decided during that time to get a procedure done for myself. Which he wasn’t too happy about. But hey, not really his choice ??‍♀️? Two months after that, we wound up getting back together. This PTSD ride isn’t easy. I’m grateful to have found this forum, it brings solace during those days when you feel lonely and like no one understands because this isn’t the conventional relationship my friends are so used to dealing with.

Thanks again you guys your stories have given me hope. I really care about this man I think there's hope yet but I feel in my heart right now for both me and for him that he needs to chase me and that this is a good time for me to take care of myself while looking for a job. I go to the gym, hang out wit family and friends and have a few others interested in just going out as friends. If this guy really cares about me like he says he does and says I'm the first person he has felt this way about he will figure it out, if it's too late that's on him. I learned a while ago to not take it personally it's just figuring out how to deal when they are not getting the help they need. It's up to him not me and I can't do the no relationship, push, pull thing forever. I want a relationship again at some point. So I will stay with letting him come to me and see what happens and if it happens.
At this point, that’s all you really can do. It’s so important to remember to take care of you first. Sending you all my love xo
 
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