They all looked different.how did you manage the push and pull?
Meaning break up? Once. At most. I don’t do the break up and get back together thing. Either we’re together, or we’re not.How many times did you take a break
or step backin order to give your partner space and quiet to heal?
If by step back... you mean send them off to go clear their head -or wave g’bye- for a couple weeks, an afternoon, the autumn, whatever? Depended on the person. For some that’s a daily thing. Others? Weekly, monthly, seasonally, annually. For most there’s a kind of combo. Almost everyone has their own unique sort of pattern that keeps them vital. Learning those patterns, and if that works in my own life, is just one of the many pieces in play when I’m dating someone.How many times did you
take a break orstep back in order to give your partner space and quiet to heal?
I should also add that there are other factors at play in the last six months.
I agree with it being more so about him gathering his bearings. He’s symptomatic and has made many references to having a full plate and needing time and quiet to heal. When I suggested we take a break so he can focus on his family and healing he got very angry with me. I wasn’t sure if he understood what I meant about taking some time so I pushed him to talk to me about it. He refused, putting me off for several days and when I pushed to clarify the matter he lost his mind and has refused to talk rationally since. I love this man and regardless of whether we end up together I care deeply.In this instance, I’d challenge you to think differently. Instead of considering it a push/pull situation, consider it an adjustment because he’s symptomatic. He can’t focus on you and the relationship if he has to focus on something like being admitted to a treatment facility. This is one of those paddling upstream situations.
I know it’s easy to get caught up because from your perspective the relationship is high priority. His priority is survival, so the relationship is lower down on the list right now. When looking at it this way, it seems less about him pushing you away, and more about him putting his energy into getting his footing.
At this point in time it is up to you to decide how long you can realistically handle things the way they are, and what you need in a relationship in order to be happy. This may be the new normal for awhile.