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Question Please Help - Told Boyfriend About my PTSD

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by bella, Aug 8, 2006.

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  1. bella

    bella New Member

    I think I made a mistake. My therapist told me that I need to tell my boyfriend about what happened otherwise I was keeping him at a distance and not letting him get close. So I did. He didn't take it the way I thought he would. (p.s.-he's a cop) He basically accused me of making it up and interrogated me like he didn't believe me. That wasn't the reaction I was expecting. I never should've told him. I don't know how to put into words what I feel. Betrayed is the only one that comes to mind. Is he just reacting that way because he's a cop and he doesn't know any other way to handle it? I'm keep thinking I never should've told him. I don't want his sympathy just a little understanding. Help.....what do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Should I be concerned about how he reacted? :dontknow:
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  3. wildfirewildone

    wildfirewildone Well-Known Member

    When I was raped it was my boyfriend...or so I thought he was...I haven't had a relationship with a guy since....don't ever think I will....I don't really know what to tell you about your [a cop] boyfriend's reaction except that your revelation about your rape would be quite a shock to the average person...especially to someone who really cares for you!!! Maybe your therapist would agree to a couple of sessions with the both of you so that you and him can get on the same page....Then you would have to ask your boyfriend to go along....this way he would have the opportunity to ask questions...bring up his feelings...etc. ....:dontknow: how your rape would affect him with being a cop I can't say....that would be something to bring up in a mutual therapy session too....:thumbs-up Life with PTSD isn't easy I know....just keep one foot in front of the other....baby steps...I know when my symptoms flare-up I have a very hard time communicating and a hard time understanding what someone is communicating....ONE THING....don't beat yourself up about having told your boyfriend about your rape....you did it on your therapist's advice....none of us can really know what a person's reaction will be to anything said....I have another suggestion...do some writing....on your thoughts about what's going on with you and with you and him....He might want to do the same....you both could share this with each other....but check what your therapist thinks of this first....If you are like me....the thought of writing in a journal is scary....with wondering if someone other than who you want to see it...might come across it....Find a good place to hide your journal and never let anyone see you put it there....I have found that when I journaled....it helped me to sort out my feelings and it let off the pressure of having to say what I thought other's would want me to say....You can write whatever you want in it....even words that don't make sense!!!! Hope this helps :smile: wildfirewildone.....PEACE
  4. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP


    Give him a bit of time. Just like it takes us a bit of time to get used to the idea...it takes the people we love some time to adjust also. He may have had that reaction from being a cop since to him, it's a safe reaction, although not a wise one. I do believe that telling the people you love what is happening is good, but only when you are ready. The unfortunate thing is, we sometimes are not able to see if the other person is ready to hear it. Give it some time and then come back to it. Let it sink in a bit.
  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder


    Your therapist was right. Sorry I missed this post... it does happen sometimes.

    He needed to know because if you are within a relationship, you need to be honest with your partner, and that means everything. It doesn't mean you necessarily have to tell him the details, but just that you have suffered trauma in your past, you have PTSD as a result of that, and that you are getting help to treat you and learning coping skills to manage the symptoms.

    I am not sure what you told him though... so his reaction I could not guess. Him being a cop should have nothing to do with it, as he is only a persons, police is his job, not his life.

    I would agree, give him time, talk with him about it, and see what happens.
  6. YoungAndAngry

    YoungAndAngry Well-Known Member


    you did not make a mistake by telling him.
    In my opinion when he accused you of "faking",
    ...he's the one who is wrong.

    This is supposed to be the person that you trust most,
    the person that believes in you the most,
    so of course you are going to feel betrayed!...
    I don't think you are overreacting when you describe your feelings...
    they are justified emotions.

    Of course I'm not saying you should break up or anything...
    but PTSD is something he definatly needs to accept and start understanding!!!

    I hope things have gotten better since you first posted :)
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