Questions For Anyone With Did

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mytai

MyPTSD Pro
If anyone read my thread from a week or so ago - T Thinks I Have Did? - you know that T recently (last two weeks) has said that she thinks I have DID. I go to a new psychiatrist on Tuesday and hopefully then they will tell me one way or another if they agree with T.

Anyways, I think I posted in the other thread about Little wanting to come out last week in my session with T and I wouldn't let her. There were a few reasons for this, one being that T was doing a safe place install with me and that was really important, another reason was that I was scared because I didn't know what Little wanted to say, but especially scared because T and I hadn't talked about what would happen/be done if/when a part came out. I emailed T about this, and said that I need to spend part of the time this week (Wednesday) talking about this. T has already said she will tell me what happened, and what was said if this occurs.

My question for anyone with DID, is what kind of "ground rules" did you and your T set up when it came to parts coming out to talk? What I mean by that is guidelines on how things would be handled. Also, what do you find helpful after a part has come out to talk? Is there something your T does?

I'm asking because I want to have a base to talk about T with, an idea of what I may or may not find helpful.
 
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blue.eyes

New Here
Hi mytai. I have DID too, but seemingly not as extreme as you do. I don't have memory lapses although I used to frequently before the time when I started therapy when the emotional material suddenly flooded my mind over the course of a week or so, when I nearly had a breakdown. Fast forward a few years...

My therapist doesn't set any 'ground rules' or do anything differently really. DID is a somewhat common symptom of C-PTSD and/or BPD but lies on a spectrum, so IMO, it doesn't necessarily need to be treated any differently than other issues in terms of 'rules'. My therapist listens and talks to the parts. Treating my parts the same integrates them, in my experience. I think his listening and talking with the different parts kind of slowly dissolves them, although some still remain with me. So I guess my answer is--treating the parts the same is helpful to me, rather than talking to them as if they are different parts of me. I think treating them as different parts of my self would strengthen the defense of dissociation rather than integrate it. This might be contradictory to online blogs and articles that state the opposite. My therapist is psychoanalytic, so that might explain the difference.

I do think it's important that you talk to your therapist about this. Do what you need to do to feel safe--that's so important. If you are having memory lapses between parts, I can see how important it would be to talk to your therapist about her reaction and handling of the different parts. DID is scary. :unsure:

It sounds like you are doing good work. :)
 

Sammyiam

MyPTSD Pro
Hi,

I have a psychologist who is really great and she writes down notes every week and e-mails me a copy every week so I know what I've said and done. She makes me wait for 15 to 20 minutes after each session with a co worker until I feel safe enough to drive and she always checks in to see I'm ok. She uses my phone to bring me back into the present time by ringing it until I'm feeling ok.
 

blue.eyes

New Here
When I read Sammyiam's reply, I realized my post might not have been very helpful. It sounds really important to address the memory lapses. I don't have that issue much anymore, and I was just referring to how it's handled in my therapy.
 

mytai

MyPTSD Pro
Update:

Last week in therapy my little (named Little) wanted to come out and talk to my T. I sometimes have co-consciousness with her, it seems to depend on how intense her feelings are. I wouldn't let Little out to talk to T, it ended up being a bickering match in my head between Little and I, I just wasn't ok with her talking to T at that time, and it wasn't a good time either. I emailed T about it later that night and one of my fears was that I wouldn't know what was being said or happening, so my T said she would tell me what was said and what went on. I decided about two days before hand that if Little wanted out to talk I would let it happen instead of fighting it as long as Little let me talk to T first about some of my other fears.

Yesterday I saw T and we talked more about parts coming out to talk. T addressed the telling me what is said thing again, she went on to further clarify for me (and the parts listening) that she wouldn't promise to tell me everything, because if a part told her something that they said they didn't want me to know she wouldn't tell me, mainly because she needs to earn their trust individually and give them a space they feel they can talk if they want to. But, she also said that if she felt what was said was really important (even if the part didn't want me to know) she would share it with me, but only after telling that part that she needed to tell me about it. When T said that I felt Little become more present, she was right there under the surface really wanting to come out and talk to T now. T also said that if it was a child part that came out to talk she talks to them like she would with a kid. I ended up letting go and let Little come eventually.

When that happened it felt like I was being dragged backwards slowly, away from my body. And then it was like I was sitting next to T, watching her talk to me. T seemed to pick up pretty quickly that it wasn't "me" anymore, and the way she talks to me normally changed. She changed so that it sounded like she was talking to a little kid. I was "present" watching from the side lines for most of T talking to Little, part way through when Little started to tear up I felt myself being pulled away from the room and then it got dark and quiet for me. Little didn't talk to T, and T was ok with that. She let Little just feel what it was like to be in the room with her, asked her a few times if she wanted to say anything, but didn't push it.

When I came back into the room Little was holding T's hand, and when I got back into my body it was really jarring. It wasn't smooth or slow, it was like being thrown against a wall hard. I had a hard time finding my voice to schedule the next appointment with T, my throat felt sore and my voice felt raspy when I tried to talk.

Even though I could feel after that Little was sad, I didn't feel her nervousness with being near T as much. I don't know if that means she will talk to T soon, or if she will just want to come out so she can sit with T some more.

This is all new and scary for me, but T seems really focused on making sure that I know I can trust her in this, but also that my parts can trust her in this too. That gives me hope, and hope isn't something I've felt in a really long time.
 
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