DID Quote regarding DID and self harm

Digz

MyPTSD Pro
My T shared a quote a me in relation to dissociative identity -
"Unsafe behaviours are a profound outcry against isolation and the terrible, even catastrophic, experience of utter aloneness in their suffering".

It is not the only reason for self harm and suicidal thoughts of course, but it was something I really identified with. When I am at my worst and thinking suicide or self harm, there is always this sense of being so alone with my pain.

Just wondering if anyone else identified with this quote?
 

woodsy1

MyPTSD Pro
My T shared a quote a me in relation to dissociative identity -
"Unsafe behaviours are a profound outcry against isolation and the terrible, even catastrophic, experience of utter aloneness in their suffering".

It is not the only reason for self harm and suicidal thoughts of course, but it was something I really identified with. When I am at my worst and thinking suicide or self harm, there is always this sense of being so alone with my pain.

Just wondering if anyone else identified with this quote?
Hiya @Digz,

How are you doing right now?

I'm doing ok. While I've not been into self harm, I can totally relate to the feeling of being isolated and alone with overwhelming pain and darkness of soul that makes existence barely worth living.

I'm sad that other people experience this feeling too. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I think I'd rather be in a physical jail with my mind and emotions well and at peace than to have my current freedom and to be imprisoned by unrelenting mental/emotional torment.

Like I said, I've never gotten into self harm, but I can relate to the quote.

I'm sorry for when you feel this way.

Woodsy1
 

Digz

MyPTSD Pro
I think I'd rather be in a physical jail with my mind and emotions well and at peace than to have my current freedom and to be imprisoned by unrelenting mental/emotional torment.
I totally agree. I think the prison a tortured mind creates is much worse than physical imprisonment. You can never escape your own mind.

I am doing ok today. I have had a few horrible nights this week where suicidal thoughts plagued me. For me these thoughts are unfortunately a sort of automatic reaction from my brain, well ingrained from early childhood as it was viewed as the only possible escape from the parents that tortured me. The thoughts are present most days in the back of my mind but when I am well I am able to ignore them more easily.

I think isolation is such a strong, intense and negative thing for so many sufferers. The pain felt and held in the mind and body because of trauma is very hard to describe to anyone who has not experienced it. It's an intensity of pain that cannot be represented in words, only felt to know just how bad it can be and as everybody's experience is different it adds to the alone feeling.

I am sad to hear that you too feel that sense of isolation. It's not a nice feeling.
 

woodsy1

MyPTSD Pro
Th
I totally agree. I think the prison a tortured mind creates is much worse than physical imprisonment. You can never escape your own mind.

I am doing ok today. I have had a few horrible nights this week where suicidal thoughts plagued me. For me these thoughts are unfortunately a sort of automatic reaction from my brain, well ingrained from early childhood as it was viewed as the only possible escape from the parents that tortured me. The thoughts are present most days in the back of my mind but when I am well I am able to ignore them more easily.

I think isolation is such a strong, intense and negative thing for so many sufferers. The pain felt and held in the mind and body because of trauma is very hard to describe to anyone who has not experienced it. It's an intensity of pain that cannot be represented in words, only felt to know just how bad it can be and as everybody's experience is different it adds to the alone feeling.

I am sad to hear that you too feel that sense of isolation. It's not a nice Feeling
Thanks @Digz,

I appreciate your kind words. I'm sorry that you can relate on some level.

I'm just in no position to be able to fully respond right now.

I hope to talk with you again soon.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Unsafe behaviours

Not sure I understand how this phrase relates to DID. Was s/he just referring to the behaviors of self-harm and suicidal thoughts?

I actually don't think my self-harm/suicidal thoughts has a direct relationship to the DID. The DID itself is what helps me not feel so alone and depressed.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t have DID, but have strong disassociation “parts.” My worst moment of feeling tragically alone happened because my therapist was on vacation and I perceived her lack of email response as rejection, I was disassociated into a part of myself that only views extreme harm or death as the solution. I have another part that whispers warnings of safety. Luckily, I listened to the quiet voice and reached out to friends after throwing the knife in the kitchen sink. Needless to say, after that, some new boundaries were put in place with my therapist. I understand this quote. I’ve lived it. Writing this has also helped me realize that two years later... I am in a much better place. I show compassion to that part of me. Feelings of wanting an end to the replay of what happened to my child part is a compassionate response by my SI/SH part to her.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I get this quote too.
Lots of my unsafe behaviours were due to being alone with my trauma/emotional pain. And trying to re-enact it through these unsafe behaviours, which perpetuated the aloneness.

I still hid my pain, which also continues to perpetuate being alone. I find it really hard to show it. Even now. Decades later. And through therapy. I still hide. Can't seem to shift the sense of safety in being alone in emotional pain. How I have to work out my emotional pain on my own first to then work out if it is safe to share. Old patterns are so difficult to put away.

But we're all learning and growing, and change is always a possibility., Somewhere. Somehow.

Hope you are doing ok @Digz
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t have DID, but have strong disassociation “parts.” My worst moment of feeling tragically alone happened because my therapist was on vacation and I perceived her lack of email response as rejection, I was disassociated into a part of myself that only views extreme harm or death as the solution. I have another part that whispers warnings of safety. Luckily, I listened to the quiet voice and reached out to friends after throwing the knife in the kitchen sink. Needless to say, after that, some new boundaries were put in place with my therapist. I understand this quote. I’ve lived it. Writing this has also helped me realize that two years later... I am in a much better place. I show compassion to that part of me. Feelings of wanting an end to the replay of what happened to my child part is a compassionate response by my SI/SH part to her.
My T says that DDNOS/OSDD and DID are on a continuum, or sometimes I've heard it referred to as the DID spectrum....both disorders have parts but they present differently.....and no two are the same........people with Dissociative Identify Disorder typically have more defined parts-separate parts, than people with OSDD and they often have amnesia when dissociated. Because there is such an overlap regarding parts in both diagnoses, some professionals believe it is easier to see it on a spectrum from less to more severe.....and no two cases the same.....regardless, neither diagnosis is a death sentence...and both can have their own struggles to overcome.
 
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