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Rage - Paranoia Way Out of Balance

Discussion in 'Dysregulation' started by Tiana, Sep 4, 2007.

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  1. Tiana

    Tiana Member

    I'm raging so hard... I'm having such a hard time. My paranoia is way out of check, and my anger is something I've been terrified of since forever. The tiniest perceived slight and I'm ready for battle, my skin burns hot and feels as though there' s currents of hate running just underneath the surface. I layed into my punching bag until my knuckles were skinned. I've been screaming into pillows, curtailing any viewing of any violent shows (as per psych directions), I wanted to take a 10 lb weight and cave my own head in. I have been numb so long, why this, why now? I am furious. I have no release, no relief. I don't think cutting is going to do it. I don't know what it is or how to control it. *I am not threating harm to myself or anyone* I am not going to any f8king crackpot hospital again, bunch of incompitant twats who enjoy too much the meager amount of control they have over mental defectives, that they don't help, they damage.
    I had one EMDR session with a crappy therapist. Since then, no one will touch it. In that one session, I believe she screwed me by leaving it open, and now it's just getting progressively worse.
    I think about the cops who blamed me for my attack. My mother looking at me, thinking I must have done something or known the guy. Sure... :angry-fla:cussing::die:
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  3. dontknow

    dontknow New Member

    I know there is nothing I can say to make it better, but I hope writing it down has helped a little.

    It seems so hopeless when we get told to do other things when we feel like this - like punching pillows, squeezing ice etc etc etc, but that just makes me feel like they have no idea how bad it is. I'm sure you have your distractions and methods but at times they seem so small and useless.

    Sorry I don't have any constructive suggestions but I hope you can calm down soon, it is terrible feeling like this.
  4. Tiana

    Tiana Member

    I had nightmares that still have me shaking. Unspeakable acts where I am the predator and not the prey. I'm just terrified, I can't get the images out of my head, and they are child like, and not quite realistic. When will this stop? I'm Not a violent person at all.
    Has anyone ever gone through this?
  5. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Hi Tiana. Welcome to the forum!

    Yes, I've raged like that, on and off. Some times it just lasts a short while and some times a long while. I also use a heavy bag! :biggrin:

    Check out the anger management section in the information section, as there are some helpful tips in there.

    Really though this comes down to dealing with your trauma. The rage is anger and hurt that hasn't been dealt with yet. You need to look deeper inside yourself to find where it's coming from and deal with that, while using anger management techniques.

    Also if you are afraid of hurting someone while in this state, I would suggest speaking to a therapist about it. You will most likely get a suggestion for medication (I know I did) but they will also look at helping you find ways to control it and discover what is really causing it to begin with.

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