Rant, not sure where to place

Ughhh, anxiety, panic, depression, fear, or just plain old procrastination. Well in about an hour and a half, I will be a disabled veteran. In about 12 hours I'll be a homeless disabled veteran. Just need to finish packing and cleaning the house for the inspection tomorrow, so we can start the next chapter in our life, and just having a hard time just finishing up.

Covid didn't allow home shopping, we have a good idea where we want to go, I know things will work out, but I just can't get the energy to finish up. It's hard leaving behind all I've known for over half my life.

Ok thanks for letting me get this out, going to pack and clean. This is my chapter to own and write with my wife and family. (Woosah, woosah, woosah)
Ok glad I got that out.
 

Teawitheggs

Not Active
That’s just hard. No way to make it something else. But you’ve been through and seen worse and you’re equipped to do this- whatever this is going to take. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time- try to prevent overwhelm by focusing on one thing at a time. Have each other’s backs and try to manage your tone when speaking to your loved ones and others. Breathe deeply and keep your temper. Take little breaks deliberately so you’re in control of your action; you’ll still get it done, but you won’t be (as) frenzied. This is not forever; it’s just for now. Best wishes to you and your family.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry man, what a mess this year has been!! Hope you and your family can get some help and not our living rough for long or not at all. We are here to listen. You have a good attitude but take care of yourself. show each other how much you love each other no matter how this turns out. Sending hope and a way forward.
 
@Freida I don't think I'll need those VA benefits yet. MEB 80 DoD and 109 VA. Just waiting for the VA to update my status to vet. Uploaded my 214 my last day AD, on the 23rd.
We are road tripping now to the area we hope to settle down in. It's actually pretty amazing we are taking at least 3 days instead of pushing 1-2 day drive. Now that I am finally out, I am fully comfortable taking my time driving, we have a realtor helping us look for potential rentals while we are if the community is a good fit for us, and we are a good fit for the community.
I do plan to use VOC Rehab, but as long as the Covidiness is a thing, I will be limited. Best thing about covid for me is I identified too much (like over an hour) of online training/school is a migraine trigger, Soni got tht going for me which is good.

Now that I am able to write the next chapter, I'm hitting some writer's block, but the general outline still seems good. It's nice to take some time to truly work on me. Less that 2 years ago I was definitely looking at the corporate world after the military, but now, not so much. I am trying to reframe my thoughts on how to apply the skills and knowledge I learned over the past 20+ years for making a difference in the community we choose. 2020 caused my wife and I to really rethink our future, we made drastic changes that were hard for me to accept, but the family followed me for over 16 years, so I will adapt to their wants and needs.

And finding the good in all the stress and perceived procrastination, I got to see one of my main mentors who really helped encourage me to get help. I hadn't seen him since February before my crisis vacation, once again proving everything has a purpose, and we just might not know what it's is.

Thanks again everyone to listening, letting me ramble and providing input and grounding.
 
Quick update, we finally cleared our old house, drove 1000+ plus miles, and have started our next chapter.

1. Wow 3 days to drive, when I was younger I would have made that drive non-stop.

2. We hit the ground running, met some wonderful people who helped us get the kids registered for school. We have a couple potential rentals and met the landlady.

3. Covid sucks, I mean really, drives me bat stuff crazy. I was feeling better PTSD/anxiety wise etc (so hard to put my old me face on to get around for #2, super exhausted by the end of the day etc). Fast forward to a larger more populated area for school clothes etc. where masks are mandatory and the stores have limited access and arrows on the floor and Bam totally triggered hypervigilance out of control etc.

4. Plus side realized I was bad, and didn't right with my wife (a normal occurrence before my diagnosis and starting treatment). Bad enough that I told the family not to ask me to go with them until Christmas time.

Overall not too bad a start to the new chapter, maybe have another week or so in a hotel until we can move to a rental house. I feel really good about the area and town we picked so far, people have gone out of there way to help us.

Got to get the kids to school thanks for listening.
 
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